David has served clients in industries ranging from ads to wine, to professional services and wellness. David is also a creative partner with the Prepared Group. The amazing thing about David and his connectedness and his awareness of how to sell people and their needs. And the very first time I met him, he was connecting people to me. I'd never met before to his portfolio of clients. And I was agreeing, man, is he connected? So David, tell us more about your superpower.

Since then, his copy and strategic guidance have earned his employers and clients millions in sales. Through his consulting firm, Baer On Marketing, David has served clients in industries ranging from the Arts to Wine to Professional Services and Wellness. David is also a Creative Partner with The Prepared Group.

David: You know, Sundardas, it's, it's funny, you, you mentioned this some shortly after we met, you said, you know, that was what attracted you to to, you know, follow up with me. And it's something that frankly I wasn't aware of and I take for granted. So I, I appreciate you taking time to point that out. Observing people and their their needs and obviously, you know, when appropriate I will try to help them. That's just, you know, it's what I do. I take that for granted.

Dr Sundardas: Yep. Let's try. It happens through all our superpowers. We take it for granted and we breathe in and out and we think that is what we do, what your partner told you about your superpower?

David: Oh, sure. So, so he, he he put somebody on my schedule for actually later today and and he, and he said, I want you to help him meet a whole bunch of coaches. And I said, Oh, I, you know, I, I used to work with a bunch of coaches. I don't work with coaches anymore. I don't know any coaches. And he said, sure, you do. And he started rattling off all the people who I know. And again, I sort of just took that for granted that I, you know, I, I didn't realize how many people are in my, you know, internal Rolodex that I can call up at any moment. And yeah, sure. As soon as the guy and I started talking this afternoon, I say, Oh, I know the perfect person for, for your situation. So yeah, it's, it's it's not something I'm aware of, but something that I guess I ought to be leveraging a great deal more.

Dr Sundardas: Yep. In fact the role of that says something that there are many organizations and people, and the only thing they offer you, the Rolodex and people pay good money for that, because, you know I just connected a partner I've known for years, it's been a partner, just met for the partner. I know for 20 years brings in special technology and deal from all over the world. He needs people that you can an organization, that you can enter into contractual agreements with. Now. I just knew one guy, and this guy knows about 25% of the world, the movers and shakers and 25% of the world. So yeah, but delighted with me connecting them and I'm going, Oh my God, I'm so lucky.

David: Excellent. It's, it's some something I remember learning from, from Jay Abraham years ago, where he talks about the, the ability to play arbitrage, to be in the middle of something and have this uncommon ability to observe what one party is in need of. And they have no idea that the solution exists over, over, you know, here on the other side where another party has access to it. And if you have the ability to recognize those needs and those have built and the the assets, and you can make that connection you can make, you know,

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely. And as a student of human nature and life and psychology, and the qualities that you have described for arbitrage, actually, not that common, they are a very special set of skill sets and first you have  to keep track of people. Then you need to understand your preferences, likes and dislikes. And you also have to be aware of your strengths and your weaknesses, and you have to do all of this without being in their face about it.

David: Self-Awareness I imagine is not a very common trait. And, and so that, that alone, that alone disqualifies a large majority.

 

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And then you have the heat in your observations of people private, because some things they like to be told and others they don't, and you have to be able to tell the difference.

David: Wow. It sounds like a tall order. And so I can, I can imagine how a very uncommon that combination of traits would be.

Dr Sundardas: I mean, I model, I looked at internal skill sets. I recognize people were exceptional at what they do, because that's what I look for. I'm excited by that. I see that I go, Oh, wow. That's so cool. What can I learn from them? Right. So when I see it, I recognize it. And so my other partner that is connected to about 25% of the world, he's traveled to places that most Asians fear, gone there done businesses, we made a joke about it. We are starting a new company. And he said, you know, we need another director because I may be in the forest of Congo. 

And I went  “Indiana Andre”, and he said, we are truly brothers because I just thought of the same line. And he wasn't kidding. He actually does that is involved in multiple businesses and mining and gold and things like that, and petrol and power. And so you worked with multiple projects to really inhospitable terrains and build relationships, and then invite him.

David: I can imagine when you're in a, in a, a, an unfamiliar foreign environment, the importance of first having an open mind, second you know, treading lightly. But knowing that when you have a particular outcome that you're trying to achieve, that you have a probably very common process for entering into each of those situations. So it's a, probably a very skillful, skillful set of of activities that he has to pursue, but that's, I, I love the Indiana entre, Andre. That's great.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And I figured that in some ways you're doing something similar yourself, I figured that in some ways, well,

David: I could say...

I'm, I'm certainly not a, an archeologist or a big project developer. But I do have process in everything that I do. And I think that that's the key to you know, in my business, my ability to keep on track and keep moving things forward is that I follow a path. I follow one step after another. And if and it helps me make sure that I don't miss things and it helps me make sure that when I'm serving clients that I'm covering all the things that my clients need from me as well.

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely. You know, I was fascinated by your early history in music and the things that you use to do that. Tell us a bit about that, because that was really, really, really fascinating.

David: Sure. So one of my very first jobs out of college was working at Lincoln center in Manhattan. I grew up in New York and I worked for the New York city opera doing national tours. And then I moved on to the theater industry and worked on and off Broadway. And I, some stage management, and then I ran up a performing arts center. And when it was running a performing arts center this was in the 1990s. We started to market to our our list of subscribers by email for the very first time. It was when everybody was starting to get email addresses. And it was back in the days of email marketing when everybody opened every single email that they got, which never, no, it doesn't happen these days. You know, if you get 20% these days you're lucky.

And so that's, that's my, my early background in marketing was really about communicating via email to share what, what you know, new, exciting program we were going to be offering and to get people motivated from reading email on, and nobody had these mobile phones that we all read email on now, but you know, logging on to their computer, dialing up with a modem and a hearing that the scratchy sound and, and the AOL voice saying you've got mail that's, that's my early marketing days.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And how did that lead to what you're doing right now?

David: Indirectly, I will say that I had the benefit of attending a liberal arts college, which gave me the ability to move from one career path to another career path with great flexibility because I didn't study a particular you know, industry or discipline. So after after working in the arts, I went into the wine industry as an event producer. I, I produced large scale trade shows. And that brought me out here to where I live now just outside of Oregon's wine country in Portland, Oregon. The company I worked for fell apart imploded, and, and I had to figure out what to do next. And I started up a couple of little ventures. Couple of them failed and the one that stuck was my marketing work doing consulting. And it's taken different paths. I've worked as a mentioned a couple of minutes ago with coaches in the past. I've worked with wineries, I've worked with a lot of small mom and pop businesses. And in the last few years I've been working a great deal with the financial advisors and other professional services businesses following a very specific marketing strategy program.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. I was just talking to the someone else that interviewed before you about education and educational backgrounds. And I was talking about how many advent of AI is going to make all the standard models of education, like being a doctor, lawyer, or engineer, somewhat redundant. But the kind of background that you've had, no AI could ever match it.

David: (laughs) I think that's, you know, that, that there's, there's an upside and a downside to that. And I, for, for a while before I went off to college, knew that I wanted to work in the theater and I wanted to be a stage manager, and I almost went off to a trade school to kind of learn that craft. You know, I would have to take a couple of obligatory classes in, in areas outside of theater, but I was just going to do that. And I'm so very happy that I chose the path that I chose, because it gave me exposure to so many things that I never…

Dr Sundardas: Yep. Yep. Got it. So if you had to do it all over again, what changes would you make? So if you had to do it all over again, what changes would you make?

David: You know, that that's a tricky one because I think I've had a great deal of fun and a great deal of success in, in my life business and, and personal. I made a few mistakes along the way when my job went away I was, you know, a marketing director for a wine importer. I had to scurry around and try to find a solution to that. And that's where a a series of mistakes ensued because I was in very unfamiliar territory.

Dr Sundardas: David, David  It’s the true entrepreneur who makes mistakes.

David: I knew that, but this was the beginning. This was the beginning of my entrepreneurial journey. Because up until that point, I was just, somebody's one job after another. And and so I, I made a bunch of mistakes there. And yes, I fully recognize you know, that making mistakes is, is what the brand of an entrepreneur. But I, I started a few businesses. One of them failed. So disastrously that I lost all my money, all my savings, my retirement account was used to buy that business. And I actually ended up declaring bankruptcy, which as, as you point out, you know, that's another entrepreneurial trait. We take gambles, we take risks and sometimes the risk doesn't pay off. So, so I think that's w yeah in, in, in you know, in, in the Jewish world, we call that chutzpah.

David: But I, I gotta say we my family, my wife and I were really frightened at that moment because we'd never been in a position where we were dealing with not knowing what was going to happen next, the, the lack of what we thought was security, and we got through it. And what, what happened. And I think Sundardas, this is what you you know, are pointing out by saying entrepreneurs make mistakes as we learn from our mistakes. And there were so many lessons embedded in that series of foibles that I went through that I, you know, now, now that I get to the end of the answer, I realize maybe I should do that all over again, because I learned so much from the experience.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And that's exactly the point. And yet people asking me about the same question and I asked them to tell me, you know, I really rough time, I almost  died of a heart failure and all of that. And I would say, I wouldn't change anything because I wouldn't have the insights, the wherewithal  the passion, the fire without that. Yeah.

David: I think also to a certain degree, given the type of business that I run, which is helping other businesses, I don't have the authority. If I hadn't gone through some of the things I went through, I don't have the authority to speak knowledgeably about some of the things that my clients are dealing with. And so, gosh now that I think about it, I think that everything that has happened along, my personal and professional career ought to remain, so not very much that I would do differently, I guess.

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely. Yeah. And I've survived all the sessions, right? So if somebody talks to me about entrepreneurship, I may not be a world-class business might have survived for entrepreneurs for recessions. And there are very few businesses in Singapore that, that, and so that might have ran through the wars, you know, coming out of it.

 

David: And, and, and, you know, you all ultimately having been through different recessions as you've been, you have a sense of how we're not necessarily in the worst position now, you know, the way that some people might see our current situation, that there are there ways to dig out of it. And, and it's a lot of what I'm doing these days is working with business owners who are really frightened about the situation. And, you know, I'm saying, let's, let's not get too caught up in, you know, the headlines of the day. Let's make sure that you have a solid foundation. And if you don't have a solid foundation, let's build that together right now. And that's going to get you through this bumpy period and help you, you know continue on down the path of, of, you know, greater success

Dr Sundardas: And a period last year. I mean, you might reflect back every time during a period of recession named anxiety, the fear, the panic drives me new heights of creativity.

David: Yes.

Dr Sundardas: And and after that,

David: And I think that's, that's the, I was going to say, that's, that's something that most people don't really use to react or counteract a a bad situation is getting creative. How, you know, it's not the what am I going to do this, this this situation is beating me down. It's, you're, you're taking a very different approach, which is what can I do to get through this with as little damage as possible.

Dr Sundardas: Yep. And end result of all of that was I, I keep track of my business programs. And I think that this early this year was when I truly read through my black book and reflected all the way back for about after 2010 and 2005. And then I saw that he learned from every experience and change the pathway in the trajectory and it all added up. But while I'm busy in the trenches, I was not aware that I had was learning and doing stuff, but now I would review it and see the numbers that figures all that data points. And last year was truly when we laid the groundwork for the next 10 years. And you're already seeing the results,

David: Oh, this, this quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, that's fantastic.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And it was really dug deep now I spare time and capacity. So while things were still going, we use the spare time to build other stuff. And the short result was that never projects that I planned to do in three, five, 10 years time. And you're all being pushed back to six months, one year, two years, three years. So everything is, you know, matured faster. And that way, because of that one year hiatus so as to speak. We couldn't travel the state food, me and some of my future business partners, all the stayed put. So they actually got time to work on the infrastructure that they never got to do it.

David: I will say that in a, in our situation unexpectedly counter-intuitively just as you've described 2020 was my business's biggest year. And it was because we had the opportunity to work on and help so many businesses plan or finally realize the things that they had always been wanting to do, but never had the time.

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely. And in the history of Singapore's financial framework last year was the worst in 50 years, it's the worst. None of the other recession's ever reached this magnitude. The government never gave out this kind of a handout like this time. They've never done it before. Yeah. Although they they do some grant work, but normally a very passive manner, but the handouts were in the trillions networks, how bad it was. And even with that, we've had major companies crashing, but so in framework my friends, some of my friends and my partners and all of that, and we actually found a whole host of opportunities and possibilities. I'm just glad we did. Yeah. We feel lucky, although the world, and I wish the best for everybody else out there and helped me find your way to something better.

David: And the, and there's folks like you, you, you and me who are not just, you know out there to grab those opportunities for ourselves, but lift others up as well as we're, you know, working on the things that we're working on, which is I think, a critical criteria for the work that I do at least. And I certainly know if for the work that you do.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. So what puts a smile on your face at the end of the day?

David: My wife and my daughter and the ability to be together that that's that's number one. Number two, I I'm, I'm fanatical about the two early parts of my career. I'm a big, big theater fan and, and live live performance, which I miss terribly these days. But going to the symphony or going to hear some chamber music or going to see a Broadway musical, those are all things that I just love doing. So I've been watching a lot of that stuff on, on video. These, you know, this past year and I'm, I'm a passionate cook. And the cook is really the, the food is all about the vehicle to get a delicious bottle of wine to sit on the, on the dinner table next to the food. And so those are the things that that I chose.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. I, on the other hand, I did do a lot of cooking last year, more than I've done in a while. So yeah. I love cooking and more exercise at a time and a lot of togetherness, so, yeah. Anyways interesting interlude. Well, how do people get in touch with you? We will put things in the show, but maybe tell people how they can get in touch with you and what would you and your companies.

David: Sure. So I'll, I'll very quickly explain what the prepared group is and what we do. We help businesses mostly professional services businesses. I give you an example of one before financial advisors uncover all of the missing revenue that they they aren't taking advantage of in their business. And we guide them through a process to be able to, to identify all of those those leaks in their, in their revenue opportunities. 

And that's, that's really what I do. Full-Time I, but, you know, there's a lot of, lot more detail to what I do there. I do a lot of copywriting. I do a lot of you know, guiding, I share a lot of the philosophy or excuse me, not philosophy, the psychology that you talked about earlier, how do you know, interact with people in a way that they're going to look favorable upon you and you can then help them, right? Those are the types of things that we do and people can find us at thepreparedgroup.com to learn more about that business.

Download your copy of “The Strategic Marketing Blueprint”

Dr Sundardas: Great. Thank you very much, David. It's been a pleasure having you, and remember if you want to get in touch with David, thepreparedgroup.com

https://www.facebook.com/ThePreparedGroup/
 
 

David: Excellent Sundardas. Thanks so much for inviting me on this is this has been a fun conversation, and I look forward to more conversations with you.

Dr Sundardas: Me too, take care. 

 

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

 
You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

Constance Borro is co-founder and Chief Executive Officer of Mastery Portfolio, LLC, Mastery Portfolio isn’t Constance’s first foray into entrepreneurship; she founded and operates a successful tutoring company called Ivy Tutor Connection, LLC., which specialises in serving students with unique academic profiles through a holistic whole-child approach. Constance is a veteran educator, having earned a B.A. from Yale University in 2008 and her Masters in the Science of Education in Secondary Mathematics from City University of New York, Lehman College in 2010. Mastery Portfolio is a Saas company with high-growth potential in not only education but in any industry or organization that seeks to develop human talent in the 21st century through principled practices and clear expectations. Mastery Portfolio is a development technique that uncovers a mastery path to show where a team is going and how they will get there.
 
Constance: Thank you. Thanks so much for having me. I'm doing great. And it's a pleasure to be here.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. You know why don't you share with our listeners your journey and how you got passionate about doing what you're currently doing? Because education is a topic dear to my heart and the impact of changing lives and families and the future is really, really significant. On the other hand, there is also a huge challenge of bringing gains the established status co. So how do you navigate that?

Constance: Yeah, great question. Well, one of the things that's been really fascinating about my career path is that all of us have experienced the education system as students at some time, whether we were in public schools, private schools, no matter what country we're in. Hopefully we we've all been educated to a degree and, and we've all had different experiences, so everyone can really relate to this work you know, on a personal level. And so I started teaching in New York city public schools right out of college and did two years in the South Bronx in a small middle school kind of get my feet wet and then transitioned to a charter school to see what that was like. And then my last book, SUNY New York city, I landed at an all girls public middle and high school in Bushwick, which is a neighborhood in Brooklyn.

All low-income kind of high needs communities where I, I really got excellent training and worked with passionate colleagues wonderful families. But, but who had, who we're up against a lot in life and, and sort of were hoping that their student's education would be that ticket out of some of the struggles that they dealt with on a daily basis. So I, then we then had my husband and I had two kids in our, a one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and we wanted a little more space. So we moved out to Columbus, Ohio where I became a instructional coach and math specialist at a private school out here. So kind of dabbling in that private school space at the elementary level. So at that point I taught K through high school at public charter and private school.

So kind of just wanting to see how it worked, you know, in every different context and had wonderful experience there, but realize that the, the common thread throughout all my different teaching posts over the past 14 years or whatever it is has been that there is, I haven't found that best way to share progress and feedback on skills with families. So they can really see a clear picture of how their student is doing and what they need to work on. I've used a number of online grade books. I've used my own sort of glorified Google sheet to try to organize the data, but it's just a massive amount of data. And you want to be able to kind of easily print and go with a report for families. So they know exactly where their students stands. And so realizing that I, I, one day sort of decided that, you know, I wanted to be the change I wanted to see in the world. Right. I wanted to provide that tool. I wanted to you know, know, no one's gonna do it except me with my experience.

Dr Sundardas: So you identify a need and you go after it. Yeah.

Constance: And not just to, you know, to start a company and do the fancy entrepreneur thing, but just because no one else had done it yet. And it was just driving me nuts.

Dr Sundardas: That’s one of the best ways to do it actually, because it's called an unmet need. That's like that that's a niche, that's an unmet need. And there are enough people frustrated about it.

Constance: That's exactly what we saw. And we've had a lot of traction with all the teachers we've spoken to, to get feedback along the way so far. So that's kind of how mashy portfolio was born. I conscripted the help of a colleague of mine, Amanda Smallwood. She's one of my business partners. And she was the one who developed our initial prototype through Google sheets for what these mastery reports and, and how we could house this data what that could look like. And then I also asked a friend of mine from my New York city educator network who had left the classroom a few years previously to start building his own ed tech apps. And his name is Benjamin Knuckles and he's our chief technology officer. So he's our other co-founder who is building our app, the mastery book. And so we're excited that right now, we're out in kind of 3 pilot schools at this point for this academic year.

And then we have a number of other schools who are interested in working with us for next year. And right now, you know, we've gotten that teacher validation. We've, we've gotten a lot of positive feedback. So now we're trying to build out you know, how can this help administrators and the progress they're trying to make to, to help their whole school and their whole community come along. And we're trying to validate that and just come up with, you know, some of the more businessy pieces, what's the right price point, what can we offer you know, kind of

Dr Sundardas: Actually try to build that ecosystem. Yeah. Yeah. And that's one of the best ways of making sure that your business has traction and longevity speaking as a business consultant in different facets and making sure that they're all being looked after and they're all having their needs met. And each time you do that, you're going to get more traction and you have the possibility of growing a business and you will get more people interested in what you have.

Constance: Yeah, we're trying for sure. Especially because at the end of the day, this is just going to help teachers, teachers are they're incredible. I mean, the amount of information they learn about a student so quickly is, is really inspiring. And so having a way to organize that information, pass it on from year to year allow parent input and really kind of build the whole team for a student. I mean, it really is very powerful. You know, teachers have said you know, by using the mastery book, I uncover some of my own biases. I thought, you know, Sally was doing really well in my class because she sits there and participates does all the work. But when I looked at her mastery, there are some things she's really not understanding. And I wouldn't have include into that. And if there hadn't been using the mastery book, so, so at every level it's, it's been really a powerful tool.

 

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. Building some really new tools that can used for the teachers to get real feedback and supposed to, I think this is good. And I think this is working and it's really not. Yeah.

Constance: Yeah. That's, that's the key. I mean, we don't want to build something that at the end of the day, isn't the thing that's useful to schools and teachers and families. So we're, you know, we're excited with some of the feedback we've gotten from students to students see that their grades change as they learn new skills. So, you know, if I had I don't know, an D back in September, because I didn't know how to solve equations yet. And by December, I'm a pro at equation solving that 80 doesn't matter. It doesn't get average. Didn't my current mastery, which could be 99 or a hundred is what goes on my report card because that's truly the reflection of my current level of skills. And so the ability to work hard and then see that pay off because you've mastered, it is really motivating for students. So instead of saying I'm a B student, they say, I can turn my B into an, a, I just have to study it and work harder and ask questions with my teacher, and then I'll be good to go.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. Not only did they see a direct improvement in their grades and also has a significant impact on their self-esteem and their sense of identity and who they are. I remember, when I was a private tutor, like 30 over years ago working with this young man really funny because when I was much younger, I used to be a lot skinnier. And so I wasn't mad. I was about 23, 24. And this young man was about 16, where he was a very well fed 16, the skinny little guy next to him, and his made actually thought, but that we were class mates. That was really funny. Right. So we had a lot of expatriates. So he was in Indonesia and he was in Singapore and he didn't really understand his maths. So anyway, used to just barely passing. And I remember the very first session where I refused to let him get away with it, that after I insisted, he solved the problem after I explained. And he actually cried three months. Yeah. It was tough love three months later. And he was acing, his class, he was getting all A's. He was so appreciative. And that was when I decided to end my career as a teacher to begin practicing as a physician. So I had to say goodbye. And the look on his face was like, Oh my God, why are you doing this to me?

Constance: Yeah, I've always I've done some tutoring as well. I have another business called Ivy tutor connection where, you know, I'm connecting families who need tutors and doing that work as well. But I always tell my families, you know, I know I've done my job when I put myself out of business and your kid doesn't need a tutor

Dr Sundardas: Anymore. Right. It's about…

Constance: …Building that, self-sufficiency that growth mindset. Like if I don't know it right now, it's okay because I have the tools and resources to figure it out. You know, we're in an information world right now. I mean, you can Google almost anything. And so it, it makes some of the more technical pieces of math and chemistry and things like that easier because you can teach a student how to look that up and they can internalize it and feel in control of, of teaching themselves and building their skills.

 

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. I mean, that's really what this is about too, is building that, would you say, yep. You teach them how to learn. You teach them how to become totally not sufficient and figure things out on your own. Maybe our reflection on the Singapore education system. When I finished my degree in physics, I was one of the very rare students who actually did my own homework, right. So I would actually spend my weekends solving the problems. About 60% of my class, just copy the answers and they will prepare for the exam by memorizing everything. Right. So fast forward when we finished the degree and I'd been taught to do other degrees, it was a capacity to be totally self-sufficient that allowed me to do things. And the funny point, really something funny that occurred was I was still keeping in touch with my teachers from college, which is in the U S colleges university.

But in Singapore, college is pre-university. So for pre-university, I was doing double maths and physics and all of that, my like one of those rare students who was also involved in drama and literature, extracurricular. So there was this teacher who was involved with me and I knew in drama and she had a son who needed help with his maths and physics. So when we graduated, we had another colleague of mine who came from the same college, finished a degree with me, and he was actually teaching in a school. So I asked her how about asking him? And she looked at me and shook her head. He could only teach he couldn't solve problems. That is the education system in Singapore then. And I think it's been very much even more acute right now because I see the new graduates. So, you know, you talked about how Singapore has good match rates. Yes, they do. But yeah.

Constance: Well, I I've used Singapore methods in my math instruction for several years now, and I'm a huge fan, but it's sort of a tool to get students to decompose and recomposed numbers and to get them to do that critical thinking to have a path for solving a problem, right. It's that

Dr Sundardas: You have a cultural framework that allow us other kind of interactions and interactions and other patterns. And I think that's really great. Yeah. So that you appreciate what's already happening.

Constance: Yeah. Well, one of the best things about my role right now, and I was talking to so many teachers and students and families at different schools and seeing what resonates or what, you know, their pain points are and what problems that they're trying to solve for their students. So I know when, you know, one question you asked me earlier today was, you know, what's one piece of advice that you might have for, for any family going through the education system. And I really think that the most important thing is to know your kid and make the best decision for your kid be that, you know, maybe changing schools, maybe the school that all your other children have gone to, isn't the right one for, for your kid or bringing in some extra support or letting you know, making it so that your kid gets to go outside three times a day, because that's what he or she needs.

Just knowing your kid and finding a school that helps develop your student into the best version of themselves. Not sort of the mould of what maybe the ideal student is. Right? So and, and any school that has a mastery based system is going to be attuned to, to those individual needs of a student. And I really think that that's preparing them better for the real world because you know, in a lot of jobs, if you're, if you're hired for the job, it's because your employer thinks you can help them solve problems and figure out whatever the sticking points are. Not because you're sort of like a pre-molded, you know, automaton, right. Who they can just get fill into the spot. That's what automation is for frankly. So, so it's like what you said earlier. We have to teach students to know themselves, know their brains, know how to learn school.

Isn't really about the stuff that you learn. It's about the skills that you pick up for how to learn new things. I saw a statistic recently that said 80% of today's college graduates in 11 years will have jobs for which the job description hasn't even been written yet. I mean, job titles we've never even heard of yet. So how can an education system prepare them for specific jobs? We really can't. We can only prepare them to figure out how to do that job well when they land it. And that means learning how to learn.

Dr Sundardas: And that's a really powerful comment. And I'm just gonna suggest that you may want to actually educate parents on how to recognize what's unique about the children, right? Because it's not something that you can take for granted. As an educator yourself, as an educator myself, we get, it might when you're dealing with a parent and they are only going to be exposed to mass media ideas about what's appropriate, what's inappropriate.

And I've often done presentations to parents. And I've talked about how, with the advent of AI, you're probably going to replace number crunching , standard lawyers, standard doctors, but what you can’t replace is creative thinking and the capacity for human communication and the boutique type of services. 

So if you're deciding somebody decides to become a technical professional, like a dental lawyer, or a physician or a doctor, you're going to have to take it to a few steps beyond just doing the standard degree. Isn't going to cut it because a machine could probably do a better job where the machine is get inside. Somebody said me, creative and marketing, or connecting with another human being. So my suggestion to the parents was that you knew a technical degree, then you will learn something about marketing and PR and spent time connecting with the environment.

Constance: I think that's good advice. And I especially think the marketing and PR piece is interesting because like you said, a lot of us do go into priests, scribed careers, such as teacher, lawyer, doctor. And depending on the program, you're in some programs do a better job than others, but typically you're not taught to run your own business as well. You know, you might take one business course in over the course of your doctorate so that you can open a practice one day, but really it's, there's so much, it's a whole other world that you need to then kind of be savvy. And this is something I'm learning now as a business owner but having been an educator, right. I was, it's a learning curve for me, but exciting as well. So I think for parents, you know, anytime you expose your kids to a totally new experience such as, you know, take your kids skiing if they've never been, and just use that learning moment, for example, or like help them ride a bike so they can see, they can train their body to do something totally new and bouldering and with a little practice they can do it.

I also think you know, to tell for a parent, if they want to know how their kid thinks or how their kid learns, when you're helping your child with their homework, for example don't be as interested in whether or not they get the right answer, be interested in how they reason through to land at that answer. So ask open ended questions. My favorite question is how do you know that's right? The reason I like that question is I ask it when the question's wrong and for the kid it gives them the confidence to not think, Oh, she's asking me about it. It must be wrong. They, they still think they're right. But in the course of talking through their re thing, they often will find their mistake and self-correct, and then I praise them for that and, and say, look at how powerful that is, that you can reason through that yourself. And you don't need me to tell you if you're right or wrong. So just listening to your child, listening to how they think helping develop their thinking rather than kind of focusing on the answer or the score or the end result is going to take you a long way and getting to know your child.

Dr Sundardas: That's a great point, Constance. So when you tell our listeners how they can get in touch with you, if they want to take advantage of your service or they want to engage with you or your companies.

Constance: Yeah, absolutely. I can be reached constance@masteryportfolio.com. That's C O N S TA N CE @masteryportfolio.com. 

Ebook:  masteryportfolio.com

I can also you can find us on masteryportfolio.com, which is our website. It, you know, and I'm happy to speak about, you know, more of my education experience working with students or kind of bigger picture systems wise, working with schools districts, you know, we're, we're really excited to be able to help schools and districts see the progress excuse me, the student growth really paint a picture of that mastery. So everyone in the community is kind of on the same journey together. That's, that's what we do. That's what we specialize in. So I'd love to hear from any and all folks who might have a connection, or, you know, if you're thinking, Oh, my cousin does that or, Oh, my sister should talk to Constance, please be in touch. I love to help educators. And even we've even had some interest from small business owners who are trying to help their team get some clarity on the direction they're going you know, writing core values for their, you know, burgeoning company and, and sort of tracking how folks are doing with those. So our platform and our software is, and our services are compatible to a team kind of in any field who, who resonates with this message for progress.

Dr Sundardas: Thank you very much. And.

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

Tashaya Singleton is the founder of TJS Financial Solutions. She has over 10 years of experience in business, coaching, training, insurance and financial services. She helps her clients more effectively manage the money the have, create a predictable lifetime income for retirement, and leave a debt free legacy. Tasha has trained employees of Fortune 500 Companies and a Global 100 Company. She is the author of two books "Insider's Secrets To Insuring Residential Investment Property" and "The Secrets Of Earning Money Without A Job: How You Can Get $300 - $1,500 Within 30-Days! She's also hosts the podcast "The Secrets Of Earning Money Show", which was inspired by her book "The Secrets Of Earning Money Without A Job".. Tasha is dedicated to helping women and business owners take control of their personal financial economy and life. She will be a speaker at the "I Am A Victor Summit"on Feb. 19th, and is a coauthor of the book by the "I Am A Victor" book that will be released Apr. 13th. You can connect with Tasha by going to her website www.TJSFinancialSolutions.com; on Facebook by visiting her group and business page "The Secrets Of Earning Money Show". You can, also, listen and subscribe to her podcast at www.SecretsOfEarningMoneyShow.com.]

Tashaya: Welcome. Thank you so much for having me.

Dr Sundardas: So, you know we, we just spoke about your average day and I know you think it's not exciting, but I think that the capacity for great change lies in repetition and in systems. So why don’t you talk about your average day because to me you may not think it, I find it very inspirational that somebody can keep doing it day in day out and make a difference. And this is pretty much what I believe in as well as needs mainly stuff that makes the major differences.

Tashaya: Well, as you know, from our conversation, my day starts like most people's days at the office. So you get into the office, you take the reports off the computer system and you look them over. Then you're going to of course, fire up the computers finish up anything from the previous day, you'll answer the calls as they come in, speak with the clients. And then from there, I'll prepare their cases to see what's going on with them based on our conversation. And then we'll have clients come in and the first appointment will be just a, getting to know you client meeting, where we'll figure out if we're a fit of my philosophy and your philosophy matches. And then once we find that out,

Dr Sundardas: That figuring out a fit and you know, not many people understand that that's the key to a sustainable business, making sure you have a good fit. So those of us who do it regularly, we take it for granted. But most people struggle with it. 

Tashaya: Well I don't think you can be a good if you don't know what your client's values are and you don't know where they're at. So how do you, how do you, how do you help somebody if you don't know where they need help at? 

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. Whether you are the right person for them. And that's about whether your values match, because if your values don't match, you may be technically competent, but you're not going to hear you. There is too large a gap.

Tashaya: Right? They're not going to hear you. And it's not going to be a good, I guess you can say relationship because y'all are pushing and pulling all the time. So therefore nothing is going to get accomplished and everybody's going to be frustrated and nobody needs that because then you are actually hurting instead of helping.

Dr Sundardas: Yep. Yep, absolutely. And yeah, so the average day to me is actually the zone of genius, you know, because when you're really good at what you do, you take things in your average day, in your stride. When you're not good at what you do, then you get excited about it because you don't know what's going to happen next. And this is something that I explained over and over again to my students, to my staff. And I remember one day I was at friend's place and I was at somebody's place. 

And I was speaking to the lady of the house a good friend who was a teacher. Well, she had gone to do a degree unless she had been a teacher for many, a associate gone to do a degree. She was so excited about doing the degree. Then she went back to work and I could see on her face that she was feeling as if she didn't want to say no, nobody really. She was getting a bit bored after having doing the degree. 

And I told her, you know what? You are being paid to be bored. She went like all that because it was so counterintuitive. And I said that what happens when you entered spurt is that you have mastered your craft. You need to know everything about your craft. Then the only thing that gets interesting is the day-to-day interaction and the stories with you, not in the exercise of your craft, meaning how you apply, what you know, who the changing differences. The look on shock on her face was very interesting for you.

Tashaya: I believe it, because, because I didn't think about that either until you, until you said it, because I, I guess I take it for granted because it's, to me it's just an any other day, but yes, I love when I interact with the, with the clients, because there's always something new, always a new story. Yeah. Never get bored with what's going on in their lives.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. That's a skill set that you've been doing it for so long that you take it for granted, but it's something that wouldn't have been there from the beginning. So I always tell people, you don't want a expert to be excited about what they're doing when you work with you, because that's dangerous. 

It means they don't know what they're doing, you know, and they of get excited about talking to you might not about what you're going to do with your case, because you see what I mean. 

So you, you, you go to a surgeon and you need heart surgery for example. For example, the surgeon can be delighted to meet you. But he must not be delighted about doing the surgery. It means he doesn't know what he's doing. He's got to be so competent in the surgery must be second nature. Then you have a good chance of having a positive outcome. Right? So I think experienced professionals in the same category as surgeons. So you're going to be competent at what you do, just meeting people, hearing the stories, the new answers and how you engage with them. And that will be interesting.

Tashaya: You're right. Anytime you, you're a consultant with people and you're an expert in your craft, you have to be competent in order to do the job, right. Because you can do more harm than good. If you don't know what you're doing.

Dr Sundardas: Not fair to you or the client. Yeah. Not bad when you are with a client and you're working with yeah. So, you know you, you often ask your clients if like, do you like yourself? Is that something that you would consider exploring with somebody new?

Tashaya: Yes, I do. I do ask them do they like themselves? A lot of people are taken back by it and they think it's silly, but it's not a silly question because a lot of the problems people have is because they don't like themselves, especially when it comes to their money. 

We do a lot of things in life to make people think we like ourselves, we'll buy the best clothes and fancy car, the house, throw the elaborate parties. We give off the image of having everything in order. But really that's just a mask, how we, don't what we don't like about ourselves. 

And we're hoping that nobody sees it. But when we run into difficulties, that's when it really comes out. Whether you like yourself or not. Yeah. So if you're going to come to me and ask me for, to help you with your finances, or even to help you, you know, start a business, then what's going to happen is I need to know, do you like yourself? Because that's the difference between success and failure is liking yourself.

 

Dr Sundardas: Otherwise you're going to be spending your money on trying to deal with how much you don't like yourself rather than using it effectively. Yeah. Yes, no, that's a really good point because years ago as I mentioned, I consult for different people and I was a consultant for a family of wealth. 

In other words, you have a family office and they've been around for four generations. Right. And I was doing some consulting work for them. And of course, when I was first asked to consult for them, I was also the family physician. And before they discovered I did other things, and then they asked me to consult for the business. And the first thing was, I, no idea why you would ask me because they employ 9,000 people. It's like, what am I going to add to their business? Right? Then when we had a pool of us come together, a panel of other consultants, that's when I got it. Because each of us, each of the consultants on their own, we have built a business. 

We had our own followers and email list. All of us had written one, if not more best sellers, we normally were, had a local, if not international presence and none of the 9,000 people could do things like that, they couldn't do their own business. They couldn't go out and generate income. You would have to work for the company. And that's when I got it. That's why he called us in. And then, because we were all independent and he said to me, something about money that totally changed the way I saw it. 

Before that I used to think of money as a servant. And he said, money must never be a servant. It must have a purpose. The moment he said that, my whole life changed.I never, never fell into the trap. I always looked at the money after that and said, what purpose does itself?

Right. And changed the whole direction. Because it wasn't about I'm really used this to feel good to do self aggrandisement or anything else where it's going to make a difference in the world or to my business. And it has to be specific and measurable. It has to have a purpose. And I think that somewhere along the lines of what you're talking about, like, do you like yourself? 

And, and this this business owner was funny because like, yeah, rich, right? I mean, you're beyond rich. And at one point he talked, he made this whole funny comment about going on this plane and taking a economy, class seat and realising, look, he travels so much, he was in economy class. And there was somebody sitting next to him actually needed two seats. 

When you were squeezing himself into one seat and you were sitting next to him and squeezing him and he told himself, look, I had money. I could take a better seat. Why am I doing this to myself? And really funny when he said that, but yeah, I think what you said about money, eh, you have to like yourself and if you don't, then your life is focused on the image to show people. You have an impressive life. So talk about how you focus on living  an enjoyable life. Tells us a little bit about that.

 

Tashaya: Well, I focused on living enjoyable life by living on my terms. Okay. A lot of us say that we live on our terms, but most of us do not. We, we look at what other people do. So to me, I make it a priority to take time, to get by myself and think, and I shut everybody else out. 

I don't care, family, friends. It doesn't matter because I need to know that the decisions that I'm making, I'm making them the choices are mine. So you can't do that when you have everybody in your ear telling you to do this and telling you to do that and pulling you in different ways. So what I do is I take my time. 

I stepped back from everybody and everything. Yes. I do disconnect from the digital world. Okay. And I think about it, I'm like, okay, it's time for me to sit back and say, well, that seems like a good idea. That seems like a good idea. This person is telling me this, this person was telling me that, but what really resonates with me?

What works for me? How do I really feel about that? And then I take the time to think about it. And then I make my decision from there. And it may not make everybody happy. But the one thing that I've learned is, you know, no matter what I do, I'm never going to make anybody happy. So I might as well make myself happy.

Dr Sundardas: What a disaster trying to live your life so you make everybody else happy. In the end nobody will be happy, including yourself.

Tasha: Excellent. So you might as well make yourself happy after all.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. So work at doing things that work for you first and then see, okay. How you can do something for others.

Tasha: Exactly. Well, helping others as a priority. So I'm always helping others. That's just a natural thing. That's part of life. And you know, that's something else that I take for granted. And I recently have been told about that, you know, is like, you know, you just do it naturally. You don't think that you're doing anything special, but to some people just being a good person, you find out later on that you've done a world of good for them. You've helped them. They were on the verge of giving up and you gave them the life on it. 

They need it. And it wasn't something that you were intending to do. It was just something that you were doing because Hey, you talked to them, y'all were having a good conversation. They asked you about something and you just immediately just start saying, well, here's this, did you think about that? And asking questions and it changes people's lives.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, how would you define a great year? I mean, when you say you had a great year last year,

 

Tashaya: Well, to me a great year, I look at my goals and even if I don't achieve my goals, all of my goals that I set for the year, it can still be a great year. If I can show that I've actually made a concerted effort and taking action towards my goal. So a lot of us think is it's only a great year.if you achieve 100% of your goals. Well, I,  achieve you know, 50% of my goals, it's still a great year. Why? Because

Dr Sundardas: Learning, growing that you do becoming a better person and extending your repertoire of skills, making you connections all well above some of the goals you set, you know, extending your repertoire, your range, your skill sets, all that adds up right?

Tashaya: It does. It does. And that's the successful part. That's what most people don't realize. It's not just about the goal. It's all about the journey, because you may have started out with one goal, but from the things that you experienced and you learned, you have had to adjust your goal and realize that that wasn't the goal that you really wanted when you started.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And you're only going to do that when you actually get through doing it. And then you find out that the rubber hits the road and Hey, that's not what you really wanted, but you've got to set the goals in the first place for you to know that's not what you want and less about learning and growing and, and, you know, moving onto the next phase of your life.

Tashaya: Well, you know, that's true. And that's because sometimes when we set goals, we think that's what we want because of all that's going on in our lives. And then we find out as we get closer to that goal that, Oh, well, that was the wrong goal.

Dr Sundardas: And, and there's nothing wrong with that because if we didn't set the goal in the first place,you wouldn't notice the wrong road. Right? Yeah. And sometimes finding out what is not the right goal is a step moving towards what worked for you. But you won’t know what works for you until you try a few different things. That's true. Yep. So tell us about your podcast, www.Secretsofearningmoney.show.com.

Tashaya: Well, my podcast was started out of my passion for helping people take control of their economy and I want them to help, you know, take control of their life. So what I did was during this pandemic time, there were a lot of people who lost jobs and they weren't making money. And so I figured I would go and start the podcast to help people the same way that I did with my book. More people listen to podcasts than they do read books. So I figured I can get out there, start talking, start interviewing people, bring other experts on and give people the information, you know that was needed. And hopefully help them realize that they have it within them. They have everything they need to create their own economy and take control of their life.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah, that's great. And we need more people like that because otherwise people buy into the doom and gloom scenario and stop being accountable for their lives. Its really about making choices. You know, we decide what you do. That's true. 

 

Tashaya: Unfortunately, a lot of us think that we don't have choices because of where we come from, but we do everything is a choice you can choose to be like everybody in your environment or you can choose to be different. So it's always a choice.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah, absolutely. I mean I was speaking to an uncle of mine and he moved to the US. He’s in San Francisco right now. And we reconnected after many. Then he told me that each time he was the entrepreneur you always spoke about being the one, you know, being the one man, he called me and he was speaking to me and how, and I was, you know, starting my businesses and all of that. And in Singapore, nobody wants you to start a business. It's like, you work for other people, right. And you're crazy person who starts your own business. After 30 years, people are going, wow, it's always successful overnight success prominence. Right. And he said, you know what? You do what I used to do in my generation way to go. He got it. He got it. And of course, when you do that, there is a price. So if, this is what lights you do it. You gotta pay the price. Yep. Yep. Well, do you have any last words of wisdom for our listeners?

Tashaya: I'd like to our listeners to do is I'd like them to know that we need to use our brain and think so we can become aware of our gifts and talents. And once we find them, we need to appreciate our gifts and talents and understand that each person is unique. So we all have different gifts and talents, and then we can choose how we continue our lives because we can create our future based on respecting our talents and gifts and using them and helping others.

Dr Sundardas: Thank you for those inspiring words, Tasha.

 

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

 

[Lawyer turned business coach. Suzanne Pool is a self-styled Women’s Sexual Empowerment Coach helping women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond have the most mind-blowing sex and enjoyment of their lives! Having broken through a barren, celibate, career-dominated life in her 30s to a life of fulfilment, adventure, and serious fun in her 40s, Suzanne shows her clients it is possible to grab life by the horns and live a daring adventure - no matter their age or place in the world! Suzanne uses an eclectic mix of hypnosis, NLP, conversational coaching, yoga, and other physical activity to support her clients in discovering who they are and creating the sexual relationships they are seeking Suzanne empowers women entrepreneurs and business owners to Get Their Sexy Back, Grab Life by the Horns and Blow the Lid off Their Business because they are FED UP with hitting their head on the glass ceiling and NOT hitting their head on their headboard]
 

Suzanne: I'm well, thanks Dr. Sundardas. It's great to be here. How are you today?

Dr Sundardas: Good day. So I have seen my normal number of clients and had some business meetings and yeah, I am interviewing you.

Suzanne: Okay. Thanks for having me. I'm delighted to be here. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: So tell me, you know what got you started on this journey?

Suzanne: What got me started on the journey of empowering women to rediscover that orgasm and exponentially grow their business? What a great question. Well, here's the thing for, so before I became a coach and business consultant, I was a career lawyer in London and I had a very good career, but sadly other aspects of my life were less than satisfactory. And when I say that they were less than satisfactory, what I really mean is that they were bone dry. So in my twenties and thirties, I was quite sadly celibate and I was also quite fat. And I thought that the two were connected. And then shortly before I was 40, I took a look at myself and I thought to myself, well, I'm about helping people have more fun, have more freedom, enjoy more fulfilment in their life, in whatever way that looks like. And that applies equally to me as it does to other people.

So I looked at myself and I thought, what if the fact that I'm single has nothing to do with how I look and the fact that I'm overweight. And a couple of weeks later, I went to a singles night and I met a guy and well, I broke my celibacy pattern that had been around for a long time. And what I realised was that the key to success, the key to having that fun for me was about feeling confident and good about myself, no matter what I looked like or how I was. And it was a turning point in my life. And it started me on my coaching and business consultancy journey, because what happened subsequently to that was that I started to grow my income. And my career took off in a different way. So all sorts of things, all sorts of opportunities came towards me that I hadn't expected. And that is why I that's what got me started. So not unusual story. 

But it's really rooted in my own personal experience.

Dr Sundardas: That sounds really interesting and intriguing. Now, It's really interesting that you were al lawyer before.

Suzanne: Okay. Yes, I know.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. That's that's a lot of left brain ability and all of that, which I'm sure you bring over to your current business and, you know, if you lead with the fact that you were a lawyer, I think it's really, really impressive about what you're currently doing.

Suzanne: Thank you. Dr Sundardas. Yes. I think that's really great. What you said that particularly the part about the left brain, because I think that's what you, that's, what's unique about the way that we work, like integration is the, is really important. You and I have talked about this before, and I know that you're very integrative in what it is that you do. And, and so being a lawyer is a very left brain, very logical, very rational career, where we make decisions based on facts and evidence, but it doesn't leave a lot of time for the kind of emotional aspects of life. And that's what that, and that was what I was missing in that period of time when I was completely of in my thirties, because I was so dominated by my career and bringing the two together is really interesting balance. So yes. Thank you. I think that's really, yeah.

Dr Sundardas: I know reality is that having been in business for over 31 years and I've been on the circuit and I have seen different people with different skill sets. I am all for enthusiasm and passion and all of that, but there isn't a system and a sequence behind it then the passion just flashes itself out, you know, it just fizzles out. And I feel a lot of people were very passionate and enthusiastic, but without the system behind it, without that linear logical perspective, it doesn't go very far.

Suzanne: That's really well. I think that's really well observed. Don't send it to us. It's like, I think so I've, you know, one of the things that you and I have talked about is that is my book discipline, which I published late last year in 2020. And one of the things that I've noticed, you know, process and systems I'm contracts and having things like down on paper is quite boring for people, but sometimes, but there needs to be that kind of consistency of maintaining the commitment and understanding what it is that's happening between people. And, you know, it's really interesting because that doesn't just apply to business that really applies to all areas of life. It's like, what we're seeking is to know what it is that we want and what are the steps that we need to take to actually accomplish that. And, and, you know, we live in a world where instant gratification is, what you know is kind of like

Dr Sundardas: Absolutely well said, live in the world of instant gratification. And I actually personally find this whole trend towards instant gratification and knowing, yes, I really do. And then I have people come and say, you know, teach me how to be happy and I have to be polite, but I want to punch them in the face. Right? Because the reality is the way our neurology set up. The moment you move towards, pleasure, you are going to get hit on the stick to say, okay, I want more pleasure. Eventually you'll get to a point where your brain will not interpret the pleasure as pleasure. You have breached, you've reached a dopamine limit and it's not going to be pleasurable anymore.

Suzanne: Well, it's like, you know, it's like, I mean, this is a terrible example. So forgive me. But it's like they say that the first hit of like cocaine is always the best one. And the second way, you know, you're always chasing that first high and that's what I can hear. And, you know, it's a great thing that you said, like, teach me how to be happy. It's not about teaching people how to be happy. It's like finding happiness in what it is that you're already up to like, and that, and that, and that's, it, it comes back to the integration that we were spoken speaking about a moment ago, because that, that experience of joy and pleasure in, in the simple things, in the kind of experience of day-to-day living is actually the points because this kind of mystical, instead of like, you know, this mythical sugar high is a lie.

Dr Sundardas: It’s a lie. Absolutely misses, which is why, you know, when we talk about meaning and purpose, meaning, and purpose will guarantee you that you'll look for more meaning and purpose. And each time you do find the mean meaning and purpose, you're going to get high. And there's going to be ongoing way of ensuring. They're going to be happy more often than not,

Suzanne: Right? Because you will, because then you're living inside of a context that gives you happiness, because it's clear that, you know, it's clear that what you're doing, you have a purpose. You're like you're living inside of a structure that says, this is what I'm here for. This is living Life by Design, you, as your show is so aptly titled, and this is the key it's like, we live we've. So we've so much grown up in a society where we're ex we're seeking the answers, quote, unquote, externally, like outside. And actually we have the power. We have the power to determine how our lives go.

Dr Sundardas: That's right. Choose to exercise it. People do not recognise they have the power. So they give it away to the government, to religious forces, to anybody else, even your friends or on your friendly bartender down the road, rather than deciding what is it I want, what do you want when you talk a bit more about that?

Suzanne: Yes. Well, what is it that I want, like those five words or the critical question, because when you actually determine what it is that you want, and it doesn't matter what it is, it could be, it could be the meal that you're about to sit down and eat. It could be the way that you want your relationship to go. It could be what your life is for. What is it that I want that takes like that. Then you're never going to like seek the answer in the vodka bottle or with the bartender that you were speaking about a moment ago, you're going to sit down and actually consider what matters to me. What, what do I value? What do I hold dear? And you can start to go through, you know, our Socrates said in, in in about two and a half thousand BCE, the word, the unexamined life is not worth living.

And it's really that question. It's like, who do I want to be in my life? Who do I want my family, how do I want, what experiences do I want the other people around me and my community to experience and who am I in that matter? Like, what is my part in being responsible for those people experiencing what I say I want and they want in their lives. And it's a very, it's a very deliberate act set of actions, which we live. You know, we kind of like saying, Oh, accidents, you know, like coincidence and accidents. There's no such thing as coincidence and accidents. Yes. We're all. Yes. There are people that come into our lives that are unexpected and that we didn't anticipate, but it's not an accident. And it comes from being deliberate and clear about what it is that we're up to and where we're going, you know?

Suzanne: And the best analogy that I have is being on a plane. It's like, if you get you're in Singapore right now, and I'm in London now, if I get on a, that's going to Bali, the likelihood of me landing in Singapore is nil. But if I get on a plane to Singapore and I noticed that the pilot is heading towards the North pole, I'm probably going to say to that pilot, are you sure you're going in the right direction? Because I think we're going to Singapore. And I know that Singapore is Southeast of where we are in London. So going North, it's not the right direction. And you can't really assess the direction that you're heading in, unless you know, where you want to go. And that comes from having purpose and vision,

Dr Sundardas: Having your checkpoint, your endpoint, having a clarity of where you are going toago. So how do you find out what you want?

Suzanne: So that's a great, so I just, before I answer that question, I just wanted to mention, it's a little known secret that this doesn't only apply in business or in like fitness or health or wellness. Actually, this also applies in the bedroom. And as you said, I work, I empower women, not only around business, but also around their personal and intimate lives. And if we don't know what we want in, in our intimate relationships, we won't get what we want in those relationships either. And, and it takes a lot of courage to exactly, to inquire into that and find out and ask the questions. But when you do, it's a lot more fun that, Oh, you, so now the question that you asked me is how do we find that out? Yeah. You have to ask it's, it takes, it takes, it's an inquiry and you can do it by yourself.

Suzanne: I don't recommend it by yourself. I think it's much more fun to have in dialogue. And that's why I do what I do to support my clients in finding out what it is that they want. And and I believe that's also what it is that you do with some of your clients as well, is like really ask a set of questions that take thoughts and take in taking choirs and engagement. And you see, this is one of the other things that I think we've, we've become lazy in, in, in our lives, in terms of, we don't actually ask the questions. So that's why in conversation is the most effective way.

Dr Sundardas: And that's a great point that you made, made about asking questions, because part of the process that I use in life by design, I call it the exploratory stage. And my issue is that most people believe that if you just set a goal and you're going to get there, my issue here is that if you do not explore even the goal, maybe fatally flawed, because setting a goal that doesn't really matter to you, you walk into a collective delusion, a societal expectation led this is what you should go for. And it really doesn't mean anything to you. It doesn't fit your model. It doesn't light your fire, but you take it on because you haven't critically examined it.

Suzanne: Yes, that's really well said. And the only thing that I find about setting goals is that there's this expectation that in just setting the goal, it will happen without any work involved. And it's like, but actually, you know, this goes back to the point that we were talking about regarding happiness, but the, and I, I have to confess to you, like for a long time, I hated this, but there's the joy in the work. Like the fulfillment of the goal is the fulfillment aspect of a goal is not the goal itself. 

It's who you become in the process of fulfilling. The goal is exactly. I'm part of that is exactly what you were mentioning. Doctors under desks, which is like the examination. And you can really only engage in that examination most effectively when you actually started embarking on the journey, because the first actions that you take towards fulfilling that goal probably aren't going to work.

And then you have to look critically at, well, what's going to make the difference here. Like what, how do I turn the dial? How do I for want of a better phrase? Pardon? Pardon the pun. But like, how do I turn the knob so that I'm heading in the direction that I want. So that, and, and that comes from asking a set of critical questions. It's like, what's working. What is it working? If I, if I change what isn't working, is that going to take me like way further off course or will, how do I write the ship? And so you have to actually be engaged. And that also is about your left brain, because in the left brain, you have to know, like, what are you measuring? What are you actually looking at? How do you know when you've accomplished the goal? What will tell? Because quite often we set goals that,

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. In fact in the Asian context, the, I, I would say that in Singapore, for example, a vast majority of people do not live lives, where they check out options. It's like you go to school and you're going from one level to the other to the other. And you're willing to take on societal expectations of your behavior. At every point in time, even the relationships tend to be somewhat perfunctory. So I actually have used to see people in their thirties and forties, and finally, one day they wake up from their trance and find that the lives they are living, are

Very few are in authentic jobs, don't have relationships that satisfy, leave them cold. They asked as they come in, ask me, what do I do with my life? And I ask them, have you really lived? Have you really messed around? 

Dr Sundardas: I mean, one of the things I used to think when I was growing up was I was a rolling stone because I checked out so many things. By 25, I worked at so many things as well as working on my first degree. And I tried so many things. And you know what, in retrospect, when I look back at it, that gave me a life and breadth of experience. So I actually knew how I wanted to engage with the world, how I wanted to engage with my clients and what I wanted to do and look for things that now I look at people and you're 35 and 40, and they still haven't figured it out. They haven't figured out what they want in a relationship. 

And they haven't figured out how they, what they want to do that really matters to them. And at that point, there's a tendency to oscillate between follow the script and go wildly off into chasing your passion. Without understanding, there is a middle space, a middle ground. And that if you are going to explore, explore in such a way that doesn't upset the apple cart,

Suzanne: That's right. That's really beautiful. What you just said. It's like, and the exploration, like, there's so much fun. I heard you, you didn't use the word, but there's like so much juice in that exploration of what life has to offer that, but it it's uncomfortable. You know, it's like, it's not the norm. And we live in this and we're supposed to like follow this pathway, but it's like supposed to, well, who said, where's that actually written down? I don't know. So, and that's what I can hear in what you're saying. There is that finding out, you know, there's, there's, there's a whole world out there.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah, absolutely. There's this whole journey out there. And if you don’t embark on that journey, you never really find out what matters to you, you're taking somebody else's blueprint for life and internalizing it as your own. And after a while, and he's going to leave you feeling that to leave you feeling bankrupt, because you haven't really lived for yourself. Exactly. Somebody else's life,

Suzanne: Living, somebody else's life, which is the inauthentic part that you were talking about earlier. That's right. And, and it's really, it's sad. It's white. It's why depression and anxiety are endemic in Western society because it's like we're living a life that someone else dictated for us instead of, you know, and, and kind of like being now, obviously in the current situation that we find ourselves in, at least in the UK where we're in the COVID, you know, we're locked in our houses, but it's like, basically we get, we go, we have a shower. And then you go to you get on public transport and you go to work and you spend nine, eight or nine hours in an office being a worker bee, or like right now you sit, bend it like sat on your sofa, working at home, having zoom meetings, but really is that life is that, is that your life is, or is that the life that somebody else told you

Dr Sundardas: Suppose that I'm going to tell you this, right? During this COVID period, when you were supposed to be locked down, I couldn't travel. Right. I got to do lots of fun things. I got to cook more at home. I got to do martial arts that I didn't have time to do. I ended up having zoom meetings and created more business connections, and I've done the last five years. So, you know what it's like, Hey, are you going to seize the moment? Are you going to make the most out of it?

Suzanne: That's, you know, Dr. Sundardas , that's really great to hear what you said, because you know, in the lockdown that we've had in the UK, I've qualified as a yoga teacher, I've written and published the book. I also have attended lots of zoom meetings and met wonderful people like you, which I wouldn't otherwise have had the opportunity of meeting. And it's all about the context in which we operate inside of. So there are people, you know, so yes, of course it's not pleasant to be told by the government that you have to stay at home and you can't like go to the shops and go to the gym and the gyms are closed. And all of those things that we used, you know, in the cinemas and the restaurants or the bars is terrible, but it's context. It's like, how do we, okay, so this is what we're dealing with.

Suzanne: We're dealing with this set of circumstances. What's my relationship with those set of circumstances. I, you and I have choice in that matter. And you and I have chosen to undertake activities that we might not otherwise have undertaken in martial arts. And we've both met people and, you know, I mean, we met each other for herself and, you know, and I want to, I've been, I've been wanting to write my book that I finally published last year. That's been an idea that's been hanging around for about three years. And I just was like, Oh, I'm too busy on too busy. 

And then, and then, and in the end it didn't take me that long. It could be like three months, which to write a book from zero to actually finished and edit and fully edited is quite extraordinary, but it was like, it's like, okay, I'm going to make use of this opportunity that has been presented, that I have the opportunity that I have the ability to take to use because I'm choosing to, and that, and it's about the direction that we're heading in. So it comes back also, as we were saying at the start of the interview to knowing where are we going? What's our vision, our purpose, what, what's our compass point? What's the true North. And that I think is so critical. And that's why it's so great to be interviewed by you. Thank you. Thank you for your

Dr Sundardas: Opportunities, opportunity, not so, Suzanne will you tell us about your free gift? Tell us a little about it and what those who download it are going to get.

Suzanne: Yes. So my free gift to those who are listening today is five tips for getting your sexy back. And it's in particularly it's particularly relevant for women. I know your audience, isn't all women. So the men will find it useful too, but it's really, it comes back to what we were talking about earlier on. So as you said, I'm about empowering women to, to stop hitting their, to bust through the glass ceiling and start hitting their head on the headboard and having more fun and juice and joy in their lives. And really it's, those five tips are very simple ways that we can start to feel good about ourselves and ask for what we want. So start finding out what it is that's important to us and and really engaging in looking at what's going to make a difference. And do you know the first tip?

URL to free gift: www.keystopassionandprofit.com

Suzanne: It's really simple. The first tip, put a smile on your face and sit up straight. So it's like, they're very simple, very easy tips, but they will radically change how you start to think about yourself very quickly, which makes a big difference in your life. Now I have another treat for your listeners doctors under DAS, which is those that download the e-book and then email me personally will also get a copy of my discipline book, which I have available electronically, but they do have to reach out to me directly to be able to take advantage of that offer. So,

Dr Sundardas: So now give this www.keystopassionandprofit.com Yes. Thank you so much, Susan. It's been a great experience and you know how to get in touch with her. There'll be more information on the show notes.

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

 

²  Stop what you are doing and take a breath – Awareness

²  Do one thing at a time – Be in the moment 

²  Find Mindful Moments in Everyday Tasks – Meaning and purpose in the now

²  Notice the Moves You Already Make - Embodiment

 

The benefits of mindfulness continue to make it into the media where the data continues show benefits in many facets of one’s life. 

Cultivating a nonjudgmental awareness of the present bestows a host of benefits. Mindfulness reduces stress, boosts immune functioning, reduces chronic pain, lowers blood pressure, and helps patients cope with cancer. By alleviating stress, spending a few minutes a day actively focusing on living in the moment reduces the risk of heart disease. Mindfulness may even slow the progression of HIV.

Living in the moment involves a profound paradox: You can't pursue it for its benefits. That's because the expectation of reward launches a future-oriented mindset, which subverts the entire process. Instead, you just have to trust that the rewards will come. There are many paths to mindfulness—and at the core of each is a paradox. Ironically, letting go of what you want is the only way to get it. Here are a few 

Mindful people are happier, more exuberant, more empathetic, and more secure. They have higher self-esteem and are more accepting of their own weaknesses. Anchoring awareness in the here and now reduces the kinds of impulsivity and reactivity that underlie depression, binge eating, and attention problems. Mindful people can hear negative feedback without feeling threatened. They fight less with their romantic partners and are more accommodating and less defensive. As a result, mindful couples have more satisfying relationships.

Perhaps the most complete way of living in the moment is the state of total absorption psychologists call flow. Flow occurs when you're so engrossed in a task that you lose track of everything else around you. Flow embodies an apparent paradox: How can you be living in the moment if you're not even aware of the moment? The depth of engagement absorbs you powerfully, keeping attention so focused that distractions cannot penetrate. You focus so intensely on what you're doing that you're unaware of the passage of time. Hours can pass without you noticing.

Take a moment to notice the sensation of your breath. Creating intentional space for resettling yourself, even with one breath, will help keep you calmer and more focused throughout your day.

We need to live more in the moment. Living in the moment—also called mindfulness—is a state of active, open, intentional attention on the present. When you become mindful, you realize that you are not your thoughts; you become an observer of your thoughts from moment to moment without judging them. Mindfulness involves being with your thoughts as they are, neither grasping at them nor pushing them away. Instead of letting your life go by without living it, you awaken to experience.

2. Do One Thing at a Time  

We often try to prioritize tasks by handling them as they come in, even if it means starting a new task while five others are already in the works. Even though it may seem easier to reply “Yes.” to that text then to finish the draft of the email you’re working on, switching between tasks takes up more time and makes you more prone to errors than doing one thing at a time That’s why a huge component of mindfulness is doing just one thing at a time, it is a practice of giving all of your attention and awareness to the task at hand. 

Your attentional system is pulled toward the most stimulating thing around you and your phone was designed to be the most stimulating thing around you. Holding onto a phone may temporarily stave off boredom, but it also allows you to tune out sensations and surroundings. Set some time each day to put your phone out of reach (if it’s in reach, you might pick it back up without even realizing it) and just notice what, if anything, happens

Mindfulness involves intentionally doing one thing at a time, and becoming more fully aware of the task and your response to it. The next time you’re doing a seemingly mindless task, like washing the dishes, brushing your teeth, or folding laundry, make it mindful. Notice your sensations; can you allow yourself to get so fully into the experience that it even becomes enjoyable?

There are many ways to practice mindfulness with movement, and you can make it as active as you want. If you already run or dance or exercise in some way that helps you to feel more centered and present, that can be your mindfulness practice. Alternatively, your practice can be as simple as paying attention to the feeling of your feet on the floor as you walk up the stairs to work. It is not about what you focus your attention on, but rather that you take the time to consistently practice holding your awareness on one thing and notice what comes up.

If you wish to go further you can explore meditation. Meditation is a very powerful and practical routine. It helps you create time, attention, space and focus on yourself away from all the chaos of the world around you. It can take many forms from straightforward meditation to breathing exercises, to walking, to giving yourself much needed solitude during the day.

1. Use relaxation techniques. There are different types of relaxation techniques you can use to calm your mind before you drift off to sleep. They include:

a. Yoga poses lower stress levels, calms your mind and relieves tension in your body, making it a natural sleep remedy. There are certain poses that can be particularly beneficial to fighting restlessness, including the easy forward bend or the child’s pose.

b. Meditation or Mindfulness allows you to clear your mind and relax your body by listening to your breathing.

c. Tap into a higher power. Spiritual or religious individuals can try prayer, spiritual reflection or meditation to help rest their mind and body.

d. Muscle relaxation is the act of tensing and relaxing every muscle in your body by focusing on each one.

2. Breathing techniques. If you aren’t into prayer or formal meditation, do some deep breathing instead. Sit still and breathe for 10 minutes. Notice your breath and when your mind begins to wander bring it back to your breath.

Here's the most fundamental paradox of all: Mindfulness isn't a goal, because goals are about the future, but you do have to set the intention of paying attention to what's happening at the present moment. As you hear these words, as you feel gravity anchoring you to the planet, wake up. Become aware of being alive. And breathe. As you draw your next breath, focus on the rise of your abdomen on the in-breath, the stream of heat through your nostrils on the out-breath. If you're aware of that feeling right now, as you're hearing this, you're living in the moment. Nothing happens next. It's not a destination. This is it. You're already there.

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. at http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

Welcome Erin. It's such a pleasure to have you here. 

Erin: Thank you for having me. Yes, that's great.

Dr Sundardas: Yes, that's great. I heard you speak at the summit, the Strategic Alliance Summit, and I was really impressed with your energy and the passion and especially the group exercise that you did. And as somebody who has been involved in mind work for over 30 years, I could respect and appreciate the skill and ability that you brought to the table. So, what got you started along this journey?

Erin: Goodness, I couldn't have planned it myself. I was actually running a web design and development agency for 15 years and knew I wanted to do something different in my life, but didn't know what it could be. What ended up happening is one day I woke up and I suddenly had chronic pain. I didn't know why and no doctors could fix it. No doctors knew what to do. I, I went to like five doctors a day and everybody just sent me to the next doctor and said, we don't know why you're in pain. Get more, x-rays get more MRIs, more scans, more pills. Nobody could figure anything out. So as an active person, I started to become very depressed, very anxious. I even became suicidal and there was one day I was sitting with the therapist and she said, you need to change how you see the world or else you're never going to get out of this.

You know, you're causing your own physical pain. You're causing your own emotional pain. You need to change how you see the world. You need to change what you believe about yourself, because you're tying your self worth to how much money you make. You're tying your value to how hard you work and you cannot live your life like this anymore. The thing was, she didn't know how to change it. She identified that I had this problem of, of having kind of like a dirty mental lens through which I saw the world, but she didn't know how to actually change it. So that's what I set off to do is to figure that out. And that's how I, Mind fixed, came to me.

Dr Sundardas: Brilliant. And it's like the hero's journey, Joseph Campbell? Yes.

Erin: Yes, it was a painful one. That's for sure.

Dr Sundardas: Well, I haven't heard any hero journey that's been painless. Sometimes you're fighting the dragons on the outside and other times you're fighting the dragons on the inside. So this is a dragon in sight. Yeah. Yes, yes. What happened next?

Erin: Well, I set off to try and figure out how I, I could help myself since none of the therapists and coaches that I was seeing seemed to be able to help me change how I was seeing the world. I said, I need to take care of this. I need to figure this out on my own. So I spent about the next year and a half studying under a variety of different people and trying to learn how people can change what they actually believe. Not just their thoughts, but like what they believe at their core. And I combined a number of different modalities and came across. What I feel is like this magic formula that helps people experience rapid transformation and rapid change. So I started to change myself and my friends noticed, so then I started to help my friends. And then suddenly I took on some test clients and before I knew it, I had a wait list of people out the door because the work was so effective and so powerful and so quick.

Dr Sundardas: Fabulous. And so will you give me an example of a case?

Erin: Sure, absolutely. So oh, there's so many like which one do I choose? We had you got it. We recently had a woman who came to us and she was a very high level sales person. She did high ticket sales for tens of thousands of dollars for every purchase. And what she found was happening is when she would not close a sales call or the sales call did not go well, it would throw her into a panic. She would act, she would have almost not quite panic attack, but she would have a panic response. A lot of fear. She wouldn't be able to work the rest of the day because she would be in such a such a state and nothing she did work. She would try meditation. She tried journaling. She tried going to therapy and nothing. She did helped her panic response when she was not doing well on these sales calls. So we worked with her for maybe an hour a week for a few weeks. And at the end of our time together, she said she was totally fine, forgot. She even had the problem. She would finish a sales call and if it didn't go well, she'd go, oh, well and pick up the phone and go onto the next one. Completely lost her entire panic and fear response. And it was able to just move forward.

Dr Sundardas: That's really powerful. So right now, how, how do people engage with you?

Erin: How do they engage with that right now? Everything is right.

Dr Sundardas: And all of the, how do they come to you? What do they do? I mean, they call the phone. The website, do you have shortbread? Yeah.

Erin: Most people when they hear those people, when they hear about us, we'll go to our website, which is mind fixed group.com and they'll look around, especially on the results page. It's like 10 miles long. It just keeps going and going and going. And it gives people an idea of what's possible. And if someone's interested in learning more about, if they're a good fit for us, they click the big green apply button at the top and go through answer some questions and set up a phone call with us. And then we just have a conversation to see if we'd be a good fit and if we'd be able to help them.

Dr Sundardas: Okay. That's cool. So tell me that you're doing this. How does your average day go when you're not working with people?

Erin: How does an average day go? I actually just did an interesting exercise the last week. I tracked every like every shred of my time. So I can answer this question right now. It is spilled with it is filled with everything. I am responding to emails from possible clients. I'm connecting with high level people who could be potential partners or want to bring us a board into their companies. I am taking, you know, I'm talking with my team, I'm training, new team members. I'm looking to build systems in our, in our company because we're still relatively new. We're about three years old. But it's just filled with a ton of different tasks. And every, every day is, is new and exciting.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And that's cool. I have a program where we take people through the three day exercise of tracking the time so that it can work out the most effective way of using their time. And I know that when I did that exercise, about five years ago, I was kind of shocked at the things I was doing that were not so productive. So that was yeah, that's really cool. Yeah. So what, when you're working with people, what do you find with the most common mind blocks and common ones?

Erin: I would say there's three programs that run in the back of almost everybody's head it all. It doesn't matter who they are. It's really hard to be an adult and not have these, the first and most common block or piece of programming or belief that every, I haven't worked with anybody yet who doesn't have a variation of this is I'm not good enough. Okay. That, that belief not, I'm not good enough. Another one is mistakes and failure are bad. Okay. And then another one is, I'm not another ones I'm not important. Those ones are big.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. I suppose those other common ones and everybody is high-performing or pushing themselves will constantly be challenged by me neighbouring under all the different manifestations. Yeah. And I suppose when you are working on your staff use the same three that came up or were there others? Oh, sure.

Erin: Oh, sure. There’s always, there's there's an infinite number. It's it's, there's there's it never ends. It's a continual improvement process. Absolutely.

Dr Sundardas: Nice to meet you either go. And how much you want to clear up my yes. Yeah, exactly. That's the cyber work instead. After they work with you or the exercises that we do to kind of keep themselves going or stay to, to in a positive state, that's like, no, we have limitation for grant or is it like when you land it that

Erin: You're done. When you're done, you're done. It's like, when you, when a surgeon goes in and like puts the bone back together, it's like, you're done. Right. You might have to, you just have to let it heal. You don't have to do anything else to let the bone surgeries

Dr Sundardas: Not have to wait for the wounds to heal, but you don't have to go in and tinkle with it, do any daily yoga exercises or workouts and stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Erin: No, the, the work that's one of the really powerful parts of our process is when you change something at the root level and you get rid of the root cause for why somebody stuck, you don't have to cope with it anymore because it actually just goes away. Right. There's nothing to cope with. The problem's gone.

Dr Sundardas: True. I can totally buy into that. And so going back to the story, when you worked with, when you started the work in yourself and started putting all of that together, how long did it take before your stuff cleared up?

Erin: It was a slow process. Like, I wouldn't say it's all gone. It's a continual process, but I would say most of it, like the bulk of it cause I, there was a lot of trial and error. I didn't get it quickly on, on myself. The first go, it probably took a half a year or so as I worked through myself in a lot of the challenges and figured out what worked and what did it.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. Half a year, If I blink. Right. I'm so used to I'm so used to things going so much quicker now.

Erin: So much quicker now though, like it's so fast with us that happy year,

Dr Sundardas: Slow process. Let me tell you the standard therapies 10 to 20 years. Right. brilliant. Right. So just is doing great work. And it's really that you did it in half and yeah. And yes, that is a little bit left behind but it's all good. It is. Right. So I do what might sound work like this before? So when you say half a year yeah. Anyway, excruciating pain. It's really cool. Cool. Thank you. And when you engage with someone, how do you deal with resistance?

Erin: We actually we'll take a step back and we'll clear out anything that is creating the resistance first, before we move forward. So a lot of people will have resistance to doing our work because they have beliefs that change is impossible. Change has to take a long time. Change works for other people, but not for me change doesn't last, I'm broken. So if people come into our work with all of these kinds of programs and beliefs, we have to actually clear those out first, before we can then move forward and work on the stuff that they want to work on. So we get rid of the resistance before we move forward. If there is some.

Dr Sundardas: That makes sense. So what are the most common resistance and elements you have found?

Erin: People's beliefs around change. They've tried a lot of things and nothing's worked. And so they come in and thinking that…

Dr Sundardas: And it’s going to take forever. 

Erin: Yes. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep.

Dr Sundardas: Sounds familiar. And so moving on in your team, how many people do you have in your team right now? 

Erin: We have eight people on our team.

Dr Sundardas:  Are they're all practitioners or some people organizing it and others are practitioners?

Erin: We have six coaches, we have a program manager and an operations person, and then we have me.

Dr Sundardas: Okay. And you started the whole thing from scratch wait ago. It's absolutely brilliant. 

Erin: Thank you. 

Dr Sundardas: Then what happened to other business?

Erin: I'm just kind of winding it. Winding it down in the background?

Dr Sundardas: So if you're giving somebody who is struggling with emotional stuff, who is feeling stuck when your lives, if you could give them like three lines, I would ask for not one line but three lines, what would they be?

Erin: I want people who are feeling stuck to have hope. So I would tell them change is possible change. Doesn't have to be hard and change. Doesn't have to take a long time when you work at the root when you change, what's really the root problem. Things can happen very quickly.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. That sounds really, really, really great. You know I appreciate what you've done. It sounds really cool. And can you remind people again of how they can get in touch with you?

Erin: Sure. I encourage people to visit https://www.mindfixgroup.com/ There's tons of resources and information on that website and you can reach out and apply and learn about case studies and see what's possible.

Dr Sundardas: So Erin, thank you so much. So Erin is now described a very innovative way of working with people and working through their blocks. And for those of you who have been following Life by Design, we've spoken about having a minimalistic life focusing on what matters, focusing on your core. And obviously if you have mind blocks and beliefs that limit you from living the best possible life that you have, the first thing you need to do is work on those mind blocks and get them out of the way. Otherwise you can live the life that you want. So you can reach out to Erin and mindfixgroup.com and follow what she has to do if that is your cup of tea and I'm a really like to thank Erin for the session. And you guys have a great time.

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life.  http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

 
Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design. 

 

Are you consistently being you? Do you know what that means? Let’s try and experiment. Keep reading, breath deep, relax and let your mind open to the words that follow. Imagine you’re in a crowded room that is packed wall to wall and overflowing with your most perfect customers. It’s a festive occasion. 

There’s plenty of mingling and little groups chatting about this, that and other things. You hear music playing and people laughing. You think of the glasses and rattle of ice as drinks are served and consumed. Not caring, you pick a small glass and approached. You’re laughing over something, it doesn’t matter what. As you draw near, a couple of heads start and notice. 

You say, “Do you mind if I crash this party?” Everyone smiled as their body shift to welcome you closer. The tall elegant woman says, “Tell us about you.” At this moment, all eyes and ears are upon you. What do you say? Even more critical, what message does every fiber of your being communicate through those that are around you? It’s not merely the words you use, but the presence or command.

Regardless of whether you realize it or not, with every action you take and every word you use, you communicate precisely what it is that makes you uniquely you. Even if you don’t understand that completely, does it makes sense for your success to take the time, to learn how best to leverage those aspects of your personality, to create the most compelling indeed the most unique presence you can? You bet it does. 

And guess what? How congruent you are also determines how your nervous system regulates yourself.

When you walk your talk there is nothing to remember, nothing to forget. Who you are is who you are. You are free to be you. Your nervous system stays balanced and in harmony. You are in harmony.

You celebrate who you are.

 
Make commitments sparingly and follow through

Are Your Commitments Crippling You?

X can represent whatever the commitment is. From being an accountability buddy to someone else in a coaching group, to being part of an charity, to meeting a group to play your favourite game to being the chair at the annual conference.

Couple-a-thoughts here. And, as always, hold them loosely!

We all make commitments based on two things, right?

(1) what we know (like we really ever know anything), and

(2) what we think we know (if I had $1 for everything I thought I knew)

Once we get deeper into a commitment, two things happen…

One – a solid chunk of what we were “sure” we knew turns out to be wrong. A circumstance is not what we thought it was, a person or partner or resource isn’t what what thought. Or,… , we aren’t who we thought and we don’t feel the way we thought we would.

It’s like Mark Twain supposedly said, “it ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.”

And, two – a solid chunk of what we admitted from the word-go was a complete leap of faith, well that ends up being anywhere from a little bit off to profoundly, entirely, utterly, WRONG.

Now, sometimes these things are wrong in ways that – taken as a whole – still preserve our original motivation for saying hell yes in the first place. So, we stay. We keep the commitment, because our original motivation for it remain intact, even though some of the details have shifted.

But, other times, we find ourselves in this place where reality is all…

And, the thing is, it’s not even about anyone being underhanded or dishonest. Sometimes, things just change, murkiness becomes clarity, facts become clear, circumstances evolve.

In fact, the thing that may have changed most is, um, well, you, your own personal circumstance, clarity about what you want, how much time and energy you really have and what you’re willing to work or sacrifice for.

That’s all okay. Question is, when this happens, what are you going to DO about it?

As with everything, I don’t have all the answers, but here’s something to play with…

If the answer is no, then start working on figuring out how to exit as gracefully as possible. If you can do it with integrity, minimal disruption and effort, make it happen fast. If you were “duped” into saying yes by the misrepresentations of others, staying with something or someone out of a sense of obligation to those who’ve misled you is not a reason to remain in the game.

If others have committed resources, investment, effort and made sacrifices on the basis of your original yes, then it’ll likely take more time to figure out how to put together the pieces in a way that will let you make your exit with integrity. That may mean recruiting other resources, people or assets to step in, bring a project to place where the impact of your departure is easier to weather. Setting up and documenting systems and processes to allow someone else to step in may be a part of that process.

Why is this important? Because unresolved commitments upset your nervous system and lead to dysfunctions in your nervous system.

Look at one commitment everyday you have already made and decide if you will keep it or let it go.
or 
Consider if someone asks you for something is you should commit or not.  

 

Often, we're so trapped in thoughts of the future or the past that we forget to experience, let alone enjoy, what's happening right now. We sip coffee and think, "This is not as good as what I had last week." We eat a cookie and think, "I hope I don't run out of cookies."

Why does living in the moment make people happier—not just at the moment they're tasting molten chocolate pooling on their tongue, but lastingly? Because most negative thoughts concern the past or the future. As Mark Twain said, "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." The hallmark of depression and anxiety is catastrophizing—worrying about something that hasn't happened yet and might not happen at all. Worry, by its very nature, means thinking about the future—and if you hoist yourself into awareness of the present moment, worrying melts away.

Make a practice of chewing each mouthful twenty times and appreciating the flavour. Chew until the food is almost liquid and you are literally drinking it down. Appreciate the texture and the flavour.   

 

 

Relish or luxuriate in whatever you're doing at the present moment—what psychologists call savouring. "This could be while you're eating a pastry, taking a shower, or basking in the sun. You could be savouring a success or savouring music," explains Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychologist at the University of California at Riverside and author of The How of Happiness . "Usually it involves your senses."

When subjects in a study took a few minutes each day to actively savor something they usually hurried through—eating a meal, drinking a cup of tea, walking to the bus—they began experiencing more joy, happiness, and other positive emotions, and fewer depressive symptoms, Schueller found.

The flip side of worrying is ruminating, thinking bleakly about events in the past. And again, if you press your focus into the now, rumination ceases. Savouring forces you into the present, so you can't worry about things that aren't there.

Practice appreciation for three things that you are grateful for every day and give thanks. For example you can be grateful for your health, the capacity to make choices and being on this challenge.  

 

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

 You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

 
Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

Mollika is also an intellectual property licensing consultant, and is a double master's degree holder in biotechnology from India and intellectual property management from Chicago Kent college of law. And she has worked with fortune 500 American companies. I was happy to meet her at a summit and I was delighted by her energy and passion and all of that. Welcome Mollika. 

Mollika Gupta is a transformational coach, public speaker and author who is on a mission to catalyze 10,000 expat spouses (women who relocated to a new country for marriage, career or love) by 2025. Mollika’s mission is to inspire expat women to make a comeback in career and life, stop playing small and go for opportunities in the workplace, step in their power in personal lives by starting their side hustles and show up as the braver version of who they have become after their international move. Molika is also a patent licensing consultant and is a double master’s degree holder in biotechnology from India and Intellectual Property management from Chicago Kent College of Law, the second oldest law school in the state of Illinois, and she has worked with Fortune 500 American companies including General Motors. Mollika loves speaking on embracing uncertainty and victory through her own story as an expat spouse and has been a guest on several Women's Leadership podcast, online summits and stages on topics including women rebirth. Mollika is also the host of the podcast “The C Factor”, an upbeat podcast where she connected with sixteen women professionals from eleven countries in lockdown to find joy and connection amidst the 2020 coronavirus pandemic. Most recently Mollika had the honor to author a chapter in “Redesign Your 9 -to-5: Advice and Strategies from 50 of the World’s Most Ambitious Business Owners and Entrepreneurs”. Most recently Mollika also had the honor to sit on board as a council member for Western USA-India Business Council of the Women's Indian Chamber of Commerce and Industry. She also has bylines in publications such as The Detroit News and was interviewed by PBS, and Fast Company. Molika lives with her family in the lush green suburbs of Detroit, USA. She is addicted to drinking Indian ginger tea; loves reading non-fiction; can spend her entire life in the city of Chicago; and when not being a nerd, she is dancing her heart out on Bollywood songs.

Mollika: Hi, thank you for having me, 

Dr Sundardas: You know when we were talking before, I was really fascinated by a background and your history and a little bit about your journey or how you found out what, what for you and how you moved on. Right? And that is a story that while all of us need to go through and not everybody does property. So when you share with us your story of how you shifted careers and then expand a little on your journey as an expert spouse of dealing with transitions and overwhelming changes or moving countries and making a go of it.

Mollika: Yeah, absolutely. Well, if we cover all of that for you gonna keep talking about my story but I'm glad that, that, that, you know  you want to make me share all the transitions and all the career shifts. So I come from India and growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor like, like most of the, you know, most amazing Indians

Dr Sundardas (laughing): Either Doctor, lawyer or Engineer right?

Mollika: Either a doctor engineer, lawyer, that pretty much is the basic three professions you can always think of. And I was and I went on to then pursue my biotechnology and I was working to study medicine further and all of that. And, and that's when things happened when I quickly realized that I don't want to be in biotech. I don't want to be surrounded with my mice and rats and monkeys. And I, I did a little research project and I was, I was really, you know, so searching in that time period, and that's when intellectual property program happened to me. So I then went on to study an advanced degree in intellectual property. And that, that really was a time when in India, intellectual property was still very new. And so there was a program sponsored by department of biotechnology, government of India.

And I got selected in that program. And here's when I remember to that day, which was like now around 10 years back. I remember that morning I was literally, I was on a call with my father and my father had pushed me to go that morning and give that exam. And I was telling him, I got selected. I don't want to be here. It's because of you, what do I do? And he's like, don't worry. Just, just give the next interview. And then if you don't want to continue, just come back. And I remember giving that interview and I'm like, Oh my gosh, shoot. My life is screwed. I wanted to be a doctor. And I got to be, I don't know. So anyways, I followed that path,

Dr Sundardas: But it's great that your father actually allowed you to divert and explore other things. 

Mollika: Absolutely. 

Dr Sundardas: I don't think any of the ladies in your situation would have been given the same opportunity. So he was an enlightened man.

He's yes. My father is a blessing and he is my hero and, and I mean, he's, he's just, he's just amazing. And I'm blessed to be, you know, his daughter and I always taught him. So it comes from a place of thank you for choosing me, your daughter kind of place. So and so anyways, I went on to, you know, study further in the intellectual property and I was doing my things. And then when the marriage thing happened and I, and I, I married my my, my my childhood friend now my husband and then moved to the U S happened. And that's where, you know, when you are in the shadows of your parents and especially as an Indian daughter, you know, you really are not making your own decisions. It looks like you're making the decision as an adult, but it's, you're, it's, it's, you're really in the cocoon and shelter of your, your, your, you know, your wife's parents 

Dr Sundardas: And you left the nest.

Mollika: And now I live in America. And when I tell, well, I stayed with my parents until my 25 and 26.

Dr Sundardas: Nobody can understand it if it's like inconceivable, because they need a lot earlier, they strike out. Yeah. So it's another paradigm shift.

Mollika: Exactly. And I was like, I was ready to live with them all my life, just, it was, it was, it was not even a question. And so my journey really started when I, when I, when I came to the us as a new bride. And and, and that really was when it, it made me what I am today, because I went through what many expats and, and many women, when they move countries, especially as a spouse, you don't have a plan. You are following your partner, or you're following a marriage you are in love, or you, you, you know, all of that, that part. And, and so I, I, I came here and then I quickly realized that I cannot work because I came here on a spousal visa. And that really is the reality when you are, when you're moving countries. And, and so that's when my story really started. And I can, I can go on that. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. I agree. That's a great start. So what happened when you came here and you realize you put in what the normal way? 

Mollika: So I had, my husband had, had given me a few clues that, listen, this, this won't be a cakewalk because, you know, and I was like, of course, you know, I was already working in India. I was anyways, I never shared what happened after I did my course and patent. So I went on to then work in a, in an Indian law firm as a patent associate. So I had done that time to two degrees and master's in biotech, masters and in patent. And I was having, I was, I had a thriving career in India, so I was like, of course, I'm in a great field. What's what more can happen? 

You know, I just I'll just wait and enjoy America for four or five months and I'll figure it out my way out. But I very quickly realized that that's not the case. And so what happened was I, I then went on to pursue my second masters in America in, in intellectual property management, because I really wanted to study further in intellectual property and to really understand the market and everything. 

So I graduated from Chicago, Ken college of law with a master's degree in intellectual property management. And then I went on to work with fortune 500 American companies in patent licensing and intellectual property licensing and management. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: So you managed to work in America after all. 

Mollika: Yes, so, but, but yours are interesting to us, Dr.Sundardas does which, which we didn't discuss during, before we started recording. And that's, that's a surprise for you too. I was, I was living my American dream, doing my things. I was on this corporate ladder, you know and, but what happened was so in order to continue working as an international worker and in the last, your company needs to sponsor a work visa. 

And, and so it's called H1B and, and people who are in America and other countries, they will definitely resonate with this. And, and so I, wasn't a student visa. And for me to continue working with that company, they had to sponsor my work visa and the way immigration work in the US especially for India, Indians and Chinese, is that it has to go through a lottery process. So they have defined number of visa applicants who can be, who can stay here in this country as an international worker.

Mollika: And the number of applications you would imagine is like three, four times the number of, of, of available resources. And, and that, that, that really is a random lottery process. I mean, you have a say, it's just a computer-generated process and that that's where the immigration, you know, loophole is there, but we're not here to discuss about that. So anyways, my application didn't get picked up in the lottery and what that means was that I have a way to continue with the company I was working for because my, I was on a student visa. And so what happened after that, and that really is the Genesis of the work I'm doing now as a coach and as a speaker was that I had to convert myself back into a non-working spousal visa. Right. so now I was facing this jotting reality of waking up at home and asking myself, what the heck am I supposed to do now?

Mollika: Because now, I don't know. I really had no idea about how do I go about this? Who do I blame too? Is it, am I at fault? I mean, how do I even make sense? And how do you make sense of something that you have given your, your, your time, your energy, your money to study, you got hired and, and you were working amazingly and things were happening in suddenly there's a pause. And then you were asking, okay, what is happening here? I think something is happening. And I'm not able to notice that. So, yeah,

Dr Sundardas: In a way that would reflect the journey, many of your clients will go through when you go to another country and they may have been working very gainfully where they were, and they were on a track and suddenly they go somewhere else. And it's all disrupted.

Mollika: Exactly. So in those, it took me two years after that to really get back on track and to get another work permit because I did, they ended up getting the work from it, which allowed me to work again. But in those two years was really when I went to a soul searching journey. And, and even though, you know, if you, if you look from an outsider point, you would like, well, it was two years. You would have just enjoyed it. You would have just, you know, had some break and you knew things were getting better, but that was not the point. The point was…

Dr Sundardas: Especially if you are used to working, you're used to being goal-driven, you're used to going after your targets, even when you're doing this, you'll be still doing the same thing. You can’t just chill. Right?

Mollika: My problem was not about taking a break. My problem was that the question that you kept asking was why me? I just couldn't understand that out of so many possibilities and lives why didn't my application got picked up, you know, and why it happened to me, what was life telling me here? And that, that why me just kept me, you know, made me question this situation that I was doing everything right. I followed everything. Right. You know.

I think marked all the boxes and, and still life happened to me and in a way I had to question. And so what happened was during that soul searching process I really asked myself these questions, okay, what happens if this job gets away from me? What happens if the titles are no more than if the job is no more, the degrees are no more that, who am I hiring? Who is Mollika Gupta? What does she want to do? And I don't think these questions would have ever emerged then from me, if life wouldn't have happened the way it happened, right? And, and my statement that life is happening to me, then I would say very slowly and painfully changed to life is happening for me. And not to me

Dr Sundardas: It’s the process, the awakening journey. You don't actually do that months later. So you're kind of privileged. You got to do that earlier.

Mollika: I mean, we can, we can have a completely different podcast interview on that.

Dr Sundardas: Right. Right now in my practice, I get people who have the break down between their 42 to 55 and they come and ask me this questions as they are really in a bad way. Right? 

Mollika: Yeah. I agree. 

Dr Sindardas: This is a question you all need to answer sooner or later. So yes, it was tough. It happened when you were younger and you know, you and the spores, my, once you answer that, you know what, then you live life on your own terms.

Mollika: It does, it does. It, it opened me up to the, the, the, the sad part of that journey, what really was, and, and which, which victim I mentioned was that I was alone at the time. And I was dealing with that because people around me, friends around me and then took it on me. They were not able to understand what's happening to me. They didn't have the answers, which I was asking. And, and, and when that is happening to you, when you're asking him, when you're at that point where you feel like whatever you have built up to now, doesn't make sense anymore. 

But, and what's out there feels like unknown and uncertain, and you don't know what's out there. And it just feels like, I don't know if my life is breaking off, my life is building up. You need someone to make sense of all those answers.

Dr Sundardas: Have you read “The path less traveled path”, 

Mollika: Path Less Travelled? No.

Dr Sundardas: And the thing is when you travel the last path less traveled, there is nobody else to follow

Mollika: Exactly. You just alone, and you have to embrace that, that,

Dr Sundardas: And that's what gives you the moral authority to become a guide to others.

Mollika: But it all makes sense now, but it really was not making sense. I really was struggling and depressed and, and, and in a country like America, where there are less people. And as much as I love being here, it's difficult. You, you, you, you, you don't know the next person or the neighbor, or you don't have friends. And at the time I didn't even have any friends because I was on this career journey, starting and meeting. 

I didn't have time to make friends. So what happened after that was during that time period? I really, when I was asking myself these questions, I felt a nudge. I felt something was emerging within me, and I kept, you know following. I wanted to follow that. So what, what happened after that was that I had the urge to work women like me, who has gone through a journey similar to me in terms of transformation, in terms of coming to a new country, making sense of all of that work, going from fear of getting judged or fear of getting seen, or, I mean, I really was Dr Sundardas of a person and you won't believe now, but I remember being fearful of getting judged or not being able to order my coffee without making the other person repeat my order and say, you know what?

I was, I was very conscious about my heavy accent. I was very conscious about not making the other person or somebody behind my, behind the queue, waiting as my, either I finished the order. And as she asked me questions, so for me to even embrace this path of putting myself out there and speaking and doing all of that was like, I don't think I'm meant for this. I don't think it's it's... I was very comfortable sitting behind the desk, in the cubicle, doing my things and doing what I was, you know, but doing, but now as life force pushing me to do something bigger than myself, have a mission, right. That really was a journey of transformation. And putting myself, pushing the envelope of comfort zone and to really ask myself what will be my legacy, you know, and not just a legacy I'll believe, but what is a legacy I'm living? And so, yeah.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. And you can only do that by going through your own journey. You know, this is the hero's journey, Joseph Campbell, they all speak about this going through that whole ups and downs, going through  the depths, and then coming out of it. And then you you bring your gifts and you're ready to share with other people you're describing a hero's journey. 

Mollika: Yeah. I, at the time, I didn't know I was, I was living a hero's journey because I felt like I'm living a ditch, a sucker's journey, just like I'm the loser in this world. But after when things when I found this new version of me, it really felt like new version of me. And what emerged from there was the mission to work with other expats to help them make sense of this journey, to really make them see that, that they are the hero in the journey, because what happens and what has happened with my clients is that they're often doctors, engineers, scientists in their home countries. They are, they have the striving career, or at least they have a vision of what's going to happen in the next five, 10 years when it comes to the career. 

And when they come to a new country and irrespective of where they are moving, they have to go through that disruption. They have to make sense of the new reality, the new environment, right. And the careers many times take a back seat because they are, they're dealing with the rest of the, of their, of their world. And when they come to me, they're like, well, you know what? I was this person, Mollika. So they are mentally living in their glorious past, but physically what they are facing is a career break, physically. They are facing, listen,

Dr Sundardas: I don't have to rewrite the stories. The narrative has changed.

Mollika: The narrative has changed. So what I have them as to really make them see that a, this journey has happened in a way where it has transformed them in a good way. So the minute they start seeing it from a place of, okay, I have grown, I mean, the person, here's the thing, the person who, the version of me who took the flight from new Delhi to JFK nine years back, I'm not that version anymore.

Dr Sundardas: You moved and grown and become something so much more.

Mollika: And so that's, that's where I had them to see that, that this version of them is asking them to become more. It’s demanding them to embrace this journey and then to really have them to break the mindset part of the career, break off, I'm a loser. How do I make sense of this? How do I go out there and find myself again? So I have them to make a comeback and their career and life, if they are in a situation of a career break. And the second portion of my audience is who are already in corporate jobs. 

And so, because I, I have, my whole journey has been various stages of career break to being in a corporate job, to starting my own thing and being an entrepreneur. So I, the second piece of the audience is where I help them to make sense of the inner knowledge they're having that there is more than the corporate job, the nine to five, and that's where I had them to make a sense of it, what exactly that means. And then I held them to start a side hustle or a business out of it. And, and that's where it all comes together of helping  them to redesign their life depending on where they are in their immigration journey. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: Right. So tell, tell, tell us a bit about the program that you have for them. I know you, you have a program and you help them on their journey. So tell us a bit about the elements of the program, what you do, how people can you know engage with you, if they want to do this work with you, how does it work?

Mollika: Absolutely. So one on the program is called ‘Loss no more” and ‘Loss no more” is really for women who are in career break. And they're asking themselves, how do I go about from here? So that's where I worked with them to make sense of that career break and to really come back and, and have the courage and have the plants, really the plan and a system to make that happen. And the second is called ‘Follow the Nudge. Don't wait, don't wait to get started.” 

The national way to get started is also the chapter title of my chapter in the book, “ Redesigning a nine to five”. And that's where I have them to make sense of the nudge they're having off. There's more things for me assigned. It feels like I can do more with my life. And that's what I, I take them to the journey of making sense of that, and then really helping them to bring it all together and start a side hustle. And if they feel like there's something happening in that side hustle, then we can go and build a business. So the way it works is that you can reach out to me through LinkedIn. Then I'm very social on the I'm very available on the social media. I also have a Facebook group called immigrant spouses, write your story. And that's also a way to reach out to me and, yeah.

Dr Sundardas: Yep. And so is this an online program or is it ahh…

Mollika: Yes, it is. It is all, it is all virtual. So you can join from anywhere. Yeah, it's, it's all virtual.

Dr Sundardas: And how long does it take?

Mollika: There are various stages…

Dr Sundardas: Different versions basically…

Mollika: Yes, exactly. There are different versions, depending on where you are in your journey. It typically, I typically do group program and then it went on to work with me for one-on-one. So we totally can explore once they are, you know, they, they, they, they, if they feel nudged to work with me, I would say, totally explore, come and let's talk. It will typically take 8 to 12 weeks. 

That's how I work. And, and then, you know, depending on how much my clients typically get quicker results, and that has always been my question when I meet other business, coaches help me design this program because my clients get quick results. 

So, so yeah, in typically eight weeks or less than that, you will find yourself. Literally you will actually see us at the version of you, which was existing before working with me is not existing anymore because that's how quick the transformation starts happening. And, and more so, because when you meet someone who has gone through a journey like yourself, you don't feel like I'm alone anymore. And that's where the shift starts happening. Okay. I'm not the only nutcase and this one,

Dr Sundardas: You're part of a community. There are others like me. I can hang out with them. I'm not alone.

Mollika: Exactly. Yeah. And that's, that really is which makes a difference when you see that there are others and, and you see an entire journey because my journey covers all the aspects of an expat spouse who has gone through transformation, transition and things, which happened on along the way. And then I found myself and really reinvented myself to do the work I'm doing. So, yeah.

Dr Sundardas: That's great. So what's the one thing that you can share with your audience? The one is like the one thing you can say that will set them thinking about what to do next, what would that be?

Mollika: It's okay to fail.

Dr Sundardas: Yup.

Mollika: Absolutely okay. To fail. Yeah. And what is not okay. Is to quit. Yeah.

Dr Sundardas: Yeah. It's okay. You just want to learn from your mistake and you're going to move on.

Mollika: And, and the way I see failure is that failure is a data point. Failure is when you collect data points at what's not working in her life. I felt like when things were happening in my life, Dr Sundardas it I felt like I'm failing, I'm failing at all levels, but now I know what was not working for me.

Dr Sundardas: It’s the learning curve is the way, let you try things and you find they don't work and that's feedback.

Mollika: Exactly. So our society puts a lot of pressure on not feeling. I think I would say we as a collective should fail because if you're failing, that means you are trying, that means you are putting yourself out there. That means you are actually not just talking, you're taking actions. And so one thing would be is that let's, let's normalize failure. Let's not, I think normalizing failure wouldn't allow each one of us to try things to really take a chance on the results.

Dr Sundardas: Yes. Well, thank you very much. That's really fabulous. And you, do you have a URL or something that you can tell them? I will have all the other things you put down there, but you have a URL?

Mollika: Yeah. So they can, they can redesign your nine to five is the best way to get me, get in touch with me, or you can follow me on the LinkedIn. That's, that's also the best way to reach out to me.

"How To Feel Hopeful & Joyful In less Than 5 Minutes Even as An Expat"
https://view.flodesk.com/pages/5f37016967467f002917a585

Dr Sundardas: They'll all be in your show notes. Thank you very much.

Mollika: Thank you. Thank you for having me. This was great.

Dr Sundardas: The pleasure was all mine. 

Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. at http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. 

If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

·  Stress management rituals

·  Wind down rituals 

·  Avoid all electronics and screens before bed

·  A safe sleeping environment in a cool dark room 

 

The secret to renewal is rest and restoration that leads to rejuvenation. 

 

How Lack of Sleep Affects Your Health

Lack of sleep has both negative and physical effects on you. It affects your day-to-day functioning. Getting enough quality sleep is essential. If you don’t, you’ll feel groggy and exhausted, very emotional and your health becomes weakened. You increase your risk of heart disease and other health problems such as:

 

1. Sleep Apnea, a respiratory problem that interrupts sleep, and can lead to many health problems if left untreated.

a. Heart attack and stroke. People with sleep apnea have a higher risk of having a heart attack. Sleep apnea disrupts how your body gets oxygen, making it hard for your brain to control blood flow in your arteries and the brain.

b. Type 2 diabetes. Diabetes is common to people who have sleep apnea. If you are obese, your risk for both sleep apnea and diabetes are higher. 

c. High blood pressure. Sleep apnea can make high blood pressure worse. When you can’t breathe well in your sleep, your levels of oxygen in your blood drops, increasing your blood pressure. High blood pressure increases your risk of having a stroke.

d. Weight gain. Extra pounds raise your chances of getting sleep apnea. Having sleep apnea makes it harder to slim down.

e. Lack of focus. Your lack of sleep can cause you to feel groggy, raising your risk of falling asleep at your desk or behind the wheel of your car.

f. Lower sex drive. Men with sleep apnea often have low testosterone levels.

2.  Cells appear 10 years older. Lack of sleep can lead to lackluster skin, fine lines, and dark circles under the eyes. Chronic lack of sleep allows the body to release the excess stress hormone cortisol which breaks down skin collagen that keeps skin smooth and elastic.

3.  Depression and anxiety. People who don’t get enough sleep are ten times more likely to develop depression and anxiety disorders.

4.  Decreased immune function and greater risk for illness. According to the Mayo Clinic, when you don’t get enough sleep your immune system decreases, increasing your risks for catching the flu and common colds.

5. Increased risk of heart attack, angina and stroke. Long-standing sleeplessness is associated with increased heart rate, increase in blood pressure and higher levels of certain chemicals linked with inflammation that can put extra strain on your heart.

6. Increased risk of accidents and death. Lack of sleep affects your concentration, making it harder to stay focused when driving.

7.  Increased risk for breast cancer. A connection between shorter sleep patterns and an increased risk or recurrence of breast cancer tumours has been found.

8. High blood pressure. Hypertension can be linked to shorter sleep cycles.

 

9. Obesity. People who tend to sleep less are more likely to overeat and make poor food choices.

 

10. Lack of sex drive. Men and women who don’t get enough sleep or quality sleep often have lower libidos and are less interested in sex.

11. Increases stress. Lack of sleep contributes to more stress, which in turn leads to less sleep.

 

12. Disturbs good mood that effect relationships. Those who get a poor night’s sleep often feel irritable and moody, which they often project onto others.

 

It’s amazing what happens when such a simple thing as closing our eyes and sleeping doesn’t occur. Our physical, mental and emotional health all suffer, as well as our relationships and our work.

 

 

Everyone has some form of stress. It’s how we respond to daily life. Too much of it can cause us to have sleep problems. The trick is to learn how to de-stress before seeking your bed to get better sleep.

Here are ten ways to de-stress:

1. Determine what is stressful. To get a handle on stress you have to figure out what is causing it. Take a look at your daily activities to determine what is causing you stress. Then take steps to reduce those stressors.

2. Get social support. Make it a point to spend time with family and friends as often as you can. It can be helpful to share your problems with these people who care about you. 

3. Practice thought management. Learn to change the thought patterns that produce stress. What you think, what you expect, how you think, and what you tell yourself can help you manage stress. Use commercial audiotapes or books to help you learn to control your thoughts.

4. Exercise. Without a doubt, exercise is a great stress reliever. It can help you blow off steam. Flexible, loose muscles are less likely to become tight in response to stress. Make sure you exercise at least three hours before you plan to sleep. The type of exercise you do doesn’t really matter as long as it gets you moving and focusing on something other than your worries.

5. Eat a healthy diet. Filling your body with comforting junk food and refined sugars in response to stress can leave you feeling sluggish and with low energy. A healthy diet, one that is low in sugar, caffeine and alcohol can reduce your stress

6. Relax with essential oils and aromatherapy. Aromatherapy is effective for people having trouble sleeping. Use a diffuser with natural oils such as lavender, chamomile, sandalwood or rose. There are several studies that show inhaling the scents of plants or essential oils helps reduce anxiety. Drinking tea made from lavender, vanilla chamomile or lemon balm produces similar results.

7. Use relaxation techniques. There are different types of relaxation techniques you can use to calm your mind before you drift off to sleep. They include:

a. Yoga poses 

b. Meditation or Mindfulness 

c.  Tap into a higher power. 

8.  Muscle relaxation 

9. Breathing techniques. 

10. Get Intimate. If you’re in a committed relationship, engage in intimate conversation or sexual activity. This can            lead to stress relief.

 

   Planning your bedtime routine and making your bedroom a place that encourages sleep are just the beginning to     getting quality sleep. Avoid heavy exercise, snacking and anything that stimulates your body or mind within an        
   hour of bedtime.

 

Avoid electronics and screens before bed

    A safe sleeping environment in a cool dark room 

 

   Let us support you on your journey to wellness. You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design         at  “Life by Design” Lite: The summary e-book of the full “Life by Design” version that gives you the overview of the 
   core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with     
   15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At

http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com and you can send an email to admin@naturaltherapies.com. 

You can also join the Facebook group at https://www.facebook.com/groups/yourlifebydesigsda

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. 

Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design. 

  

So, if you find someone incredibly fascinating, it is because you have an identical fascinating self within you, but it is buried. As you can't bring it to the surface of your own mind at the moment, you seek it out in others and temporarily gain a feeling of "integration" within yourself. 

  

If you look at this very carefully, it is the key to who you are attracted to, in all areas of your life. 

  

An example would be a very hard-nosed, tough, ruthless businessman, who has suppressed into his subconscious, his feminine side, with its gentleness, caring and sensitivity. He will find himself fascinated and strongly attracted to a very feminine woman, who has as her primary selves, gentleness, caring and sensitivity. 

  

She too, if she has suppressed and disowned her tough, hard  nosed qualities, will find him attractive, because he represents to her, everything she is disowning in her own personality. 

  

In other words, his primary selves match her disowned selves exactly, and her primary selves match his disowned selves exactly. They are what is called a 'perfect match' . 

  

Or, you may know someone who has difficulty with money, and discover that they find someone who is financially disciplined and decisive, very impressive. Or someone who is fearful and lacking in confidence will find a courageous person extremely attractive. 

  

The list goes on and on. When you discover the Psychology of Selves system, you can understand other people in a way that sets you apart from everyone else. 

  

You now have access to exactly why people behave as the do in relationship. Of course it is much deeper than that, as Hal and Sidra will explain. 

  

What you realise, is that nobody is a single personality . 

  

If you believe that, then you will be unprepared when your partner suddenly starts to express themselves in a totally different way. 

  

Sometimes, when a partner does this, it seems almost as if a new person is in the relationship with you. Which, in a way, is in fact true, because each sub-personality is a person it itself. It can be a shock, a surprise or a relief, to find there is more to your partner than you originally realised. 

  

Interestingly, many lawyers, specialising in divorce, say the most common remark people give about their partners, when asking for a divorce is: 'I never really knew they were like that' or 'I never knew they were really like that underneath'. 

  

Their partner had suddenly started to express himself or herself in a new and different way. The person did not realise the partner was merely expressing another self. It wasn't that they were 'really like that'. They were no more the particular self they were expressing, then the original one they were used to. They did not understand this, and thought they had married the wrong person. 

  

Had they had the benefit of understanding the idea of sub-personalities , and used the correct processes, their relationship would have grown closer and more loving. All these difficult events that drew them apart, in fact, could have been used to communicate in a far deeper and more fulfilling way. 

  

So, before you can successfully relate with another person, at a powerfully satisfying and meaningful level, you need to become conscious of which of these selves you are expressing, at any particular time. 

 

In a long-term relationship, you have the opportunity to express many more of your different subpersonalities. Instead of this being a difficulty, it becomes a great benefit to you both. You are not going to be stuck with someone dimensional lemon all your life. 

  

You, and the person you are with, whether you both realise it or not, are filled with a vast smorgasbord of selves, each one a whole person in itself, with all its own history, memories, agendas, desires, emotions, abilities and ways of behaving. 

  

Many of them are deeply interesting and fun filled. Others are serious and sad, attractive and energised. Some are fascinating and wise. There are countless different types that make you up. It is these different selves that good actors get in touch with, when they play different roles. 

  

This is the joy of relationship ­­– discovering your own and your partner's selves, and letting them express themselves as they wish. It is truly enriching and fulfilling in ways that are stunning and powerful. It is known as the path of consciousness. To experience your True Self, you have to know your 'selves' first. 

  

It is vitally important that you understand how your personality is made up. Because when you enter into a relationship, you are arriving with a group of selves as is your partner. So it is actually two groups of people getting together - and let's hope that a few of them get on! 

  

Not knowing this, is an unwise way to live, because your life will be limited, your personal relationships unfulfilling, and your creative and expressive powers blocked and sabotaged. It is the cause of most confusions in relationships. 

  

You will also be using up a lot of energy to suppress the disowned selves, and that will make you less attractive. The word attractive has (attr-) active in it. To be attractive, you have to have an active energy system. It is your energy which attracts other people to you, and keeps them there. 

  

It is so simple to make profound and ecstatic changes, once you understand that you are far more than you have ever considered yourself to be. Knowledge of the true form of your personality is the essential means to ensure your relationships will be filled with respect and love, and continue to grow in a way that is necessary for life long pleasure, and deep insight into the true nature of what you are. 

  

The technique associated with Dr. Hal and Sidra Stone's Psychology of Selves system, is called 'Voice Dialogue', and it truly is the greatest tool to improve any relationship and allow both people to express all their potentials. It also gives you the means to understand other people at a very profound and insightful level. 

  

Each sub-personality has its own way of expressing itself, it's 'voice', and with Voice Dialogue you learn to allow it to express itself. The dialogue is also able to tell you about your feelings, which you may be totally unaware of. 

  

A psychiatrist, who once said in his practice, 80 to 90 percent of relationships are out to revenge their parents, by using their partner as the substitute parent!   

  

There are so many other drives that Hal and Sidra reveal. Imagine all the hidden motivations we have going on in our subconscious. What chance have we got to experience an ever deepening connection with anyone unless we understand our selves at a deep level? 

  

Who really comprehends that they are a multi faceted being, a mixture of different potentials and qualities? Very few. Most of us only show our partners a small percentage of what is really going on inside ourselves. 

  

When you understand the Voice Dialogue system, and you learn to hear your subpersonalities, your ability to express yourself rapidly increases. You feel empowered and amazed that you have so much more within yourself than you ever imagined. 

  

With Voice Dialogue, you are able to grow yourself. You discover and 'unlock' your many selves along with your partners.   It is truly the most fascinating, powerful and fun activity that you can have with that special person in your life.   And the feelings of compassion, insight and closeness that grow in each session are amazing. It beats watching any movie! 

Why take a chance with what is most important to you, when the solution has been discovered? Save yourself a lifetime of trying to work it out for yourself. 

  

What makes Voice Dialogue stand out above all the other techniques and methods that you might have heard of? The system is totally unique, and it reveals a crucial faculty that sets it above the other methods available.   It will show you how to develop a brand new faculty, called the 'Aware Ego' , which allows you to embrace all parts of yourself. You will see how to awaken those dormant potentials, and ways of expressing yourself, that will radically improve your life.   

  

  

A good metaphor for understanding it is that of an 'orchestra' which contains dozens of 'instruments'. The instruments of your mind are your subpersonalities or 'selves'. Through upbringing and conditioning by society, your self expression has been limited, and you use only a handful of the instruments in the orchestra of your personality. Not only that, these few instruments may be playing in a haphazard, uncoordinated way. 

  

The Aware Ego, which is intentionally developed by understanding Voice Dialogue, is like the conductor. The Aware Ego, like the conductor, can bring forward the appropriate instrument as required, and has the choice of using the whole range of instruments in the orchestra. The orchestra of your personality can now play in tune, and to its full capacity. 

This is the potential that awaits all those committed to their own personal growth. 

  

I am sure you know you can be far more than you have been so far in your life. What you may not know is how to bring these inactive sub-personalities to the surface. The Voice Dialogue Series will show you how. 

  

  

These are common benefits gained from understanding Voice Dialogue. 

    Learn a powerful and unique self-development technique that can deepen your relationships, communication        abilities, and every aspect of your life 

When you were born, you were completely vulnerable, a helpless infant, dependent upon others to feed, clothe, protect and nurture you. If you are properly cared for, you are filled with joy. Your little being radiates unconditional love. 

  

In fact you are still today radiating unconditional love, because it is what you are at essence. But your ability to express real love has been severely suppressed and blocked by what has happened to you. 

  

As you grew, you realised, through direct experience, that the world was not filled with unconditionally loving beings. Many people, including those close to you, were stressed and expressed negative emotion.

  

The daily chores were too much for them, or they were not particularly intelligent and, perhaps in their own minds, felt they were losing at the game of life. In this state they often became despondent, angry and full of pain. They may have tried to hide it from you, but you, with your young mind, could see what was really going on. 

  

Or they may have even used you as a dumping ground for their negativity and frustrations. You may have been abused, physically, emotionally or psychologically. As well, you found that the world itself was full of dangers, not only from the natural world, but also from the products of "civilization", such as cars, electricity, kitchen stoves & so on. 

  

You had to defend yourself. This is how we all survive. 

  

You did this by building up an "energetic shield" in your system that became your protection for your survival and wellbeing. You had to protect the "vulnerable child" you began your life as. 

  

This protective covering, which is called your personality , contains both positive and negative behaviours, and everything in between. It is what you use to express yourself, it is the mask you wear, and communicate through in all your relationships. 

  

The word 'personality' comes from the Latin word 'persona', which literally means mask. You experience this as your 'personness' or 'personality'. So your personality is just a mask worn by your true Self. There is nothing right or wrong about this, it is just the way life is for everyone. 

  

You may not realize it, but your mind remembers just about everything, and you have, stored within your subconscious, all the parts of yourself you have ever or never expressed. 

  

The first key for true success in all areas of your life, is for you to understand your personality and embrace, or accept, all of it . By doing so you become fully conscious of all parts of your being, and can therefore experience what you truly are . 

  

This self discovery is the great opportunity of relationship. And only this will give you excellent relationships. In fact, it is the true purpose of relationship. All problems in relationship arise because people hold onto identifying with, and protecting, the personality, and never experience what they truly are, the Self. And this blocks their ability to feel real love, because they are out of touch with the essence of their being, the True Self. 

  

You cannot help but take yourself and your past experiences, into a relationship. However there is a system which the Stones have discovered, that gives you the tools to use your old patterns as stepping stones to love, growth and freedom, rather than alienation and closing down from your partner, which eventually leads to separation. 

  

You  will discover that your personality has many different parts or 'subpersonalities', which explains how you have become the person that you are, and how you have created your life. You will also discover several different examples of subpersonalities.   

Your personality is a multi-faceted faculty. It is made up of many different parts, each with its own identity and individuality. You can see this multitude of different selves in your own life. 

  

The way you relate to your lover is different to the way you relate to your parents. The way you relate to your boss is different to the way you relate when you are out socialising with friends. The energy you feel when you are making love is different to the one you express when you are playing sport or studying for an exam. 

  

Previously, it was thought that these were just different expressions of one personality structure, but now we know,  that you are made up of myriads of actual individual structures called "selves" or "subpersonalities" , that, together, make up what we refer to as the personality. 

  

By the way, this is nothing to do with a split personality, which is a clinical condition usually based on severe trauma in early childhood. This is the normal state of every human being, even though very few know of it. 

  

It is the force of survival that builds your personality. From infancy onwards, you spontaneously expressed yourself in a variety of behaviours: anger, laughter, excitement, fear, enthusiasm, sadness and so on. 

 

When you were appreciated and acknowledged for a particular behaviour, by those who bring you up, you retain it. When your behaviour is not appreciated or rejected, your mind buries that behaviour into your subconscious. 

  

For instance, if you were praised by a parent for great school work, you keep that behaviour of a good student. It becomes a 'self' , or more accurately, a subpersonality . This is what allows you to do your school work. 

  

Each mode of expression, each behaviour you have, is an individual 'self'. You have many different 'selves', such as a Perfectionist, an Analyst, an Inner Critic, a Pusher, a Clown, a Slave, a Pleaser, a Humorist, an Aggressor, a Manipulator, a Sports person, a Couch Potato, a Playful one and so on. 

  

There is a whole range of possibilities. Think for a moment how would you describe yourself and your behaviours? When you do this, you are describing your subpersonalities . And, the ones you keep at the surface of your mind, due to your upbringing, are called 'Primary Selves'. Psychologists Hal and Sidra Stone's brilliant "Psychology of Selves" system describes this perfectly. It has become the recognized standard in many schools of psychology. 

  

You also have those selves which you tried to express, but were rejected. If you expressed anger, and that was frowned upon, or you were punished for it, then you may avoid expressing anger. The angry self is suppressed, maybe bursting to the surface, years later in life, at inopportune times. Or, perhaps as an adult, you always feel angry inside and you don't know why. Many of these rejected selves are emotionally negative, such as sadness, frustration and resentment. 

 

If you grew up in an environment that was somewhat restricted in what you could do or not do, then your range of possibilities you could envisage and express would also be somewhat restricted. Its almost like you have not had the opportunity to express that part of you. SO if you could never express and energy like anger properly or appropriately then you would have to spend some time become familiar with this energy.

 

If you grew up in an environment where you had to be the father or mother to your father or mother , then one of  your dominant self would be the “Parent” or “Caretaker”. There would be parts of you like your “inner child” that would have felt neglected. This can surface at times and leave you feeling emotional and overwhelmed.       

  

There are also others you have, which are actually amazingly powerful and creative. But, when you were young, these were never encouraged or nurtured. So they stay buried in your subconscious. These are called the 'Disowned Selves' . You are filled with undreamed of potentials. It is extraordinary the power and abilities you have within you, 

These are common benefits gained from understanding "Who is running your Life"

 

Your enteric nervous system (gut brain) runs your digestive system and is hooked to your brain. There many complex chemicals like neurotransmitters and other signaling substances that keep this communication going between your gut brain and your brain.

 

So over the the last thirty years I trained in multiple areas that revolved around the gut brain and the brain. Hypnosis, types of psychological intervention and trauma therapy, abdominal acupuncture, somatic type therapy and body work not to mention functional medical approaches to modulate the gut brain and the brain.  

 

So when I first trained as a naturopath more than thirty years it was the framework that the process of dying began in the gut digestive system. The microbiome is seen as the new emerging medical field. Your gut has many micro-organisms as the total number of cells in your body. So it plays a really important part.

 

How you feel, think and the total health of your body is tied up more to your microbiome then to anything else. So we go around thinking that we are going to make good choices. However if your gut and your microbiome are not healthy all your choices and decisions are second best or fatally flawed.   

 

Many people who have challenging or difficult relationships will have a challenged microbiome. As a result the signaling goes off and they make poor decisions. They will have challenges managing their emotional states and making good decisions. The more they try the worse it gets.

 

The genetics of the bacteria in your microbiome can impact you even more than your own genetics. I currently do genetic assessments with clients right now. I also look at the genetics of the inhabitants of the microbiome. So if they are dysfunctional its very hard to get a handle on your life. 

 

So this is an exciting area and I plan to release books about the nutrition, lifestyle and other approaches to modulate the gut brain and the brain. So you can meditate all you like. You can visualize all you like. However, if you have a significant dysfunctional microbiome, your gut brain and brain signaling would be flawed.

 

The fundamental signaling processes that tells you what works or does not work for you would be consistently sending you flawed signals. So your life decisions would also not be appropriate for who you really are. Your feedback mechanisms would be flawed.

 

Now before I do emotional work with people I make sure I start off with getting their gut biochemistry is functioning reasonably well.  

 

The choices that your parents made about their food and eating choices as well as their emotional –programming would have a significant effect on you. The latest discoveries suggest baed epigenetic signaling that the nutritional and emotional choices made by grandmother can have a profound change on your life, lifestyle, health and longevity not to mention your emotional choice making.

 

Epigenetics literally means "above" or "on top of" genetics. It refers to external modifications to DNA that turn genes "on" or "off." These modifications do not change the DNA sequence, but instead, they affect how cells "read" genes.

 

Scientists now think epigenetics can play a role in the development of some cancers. For instance, an epigenetic change that silences a tumor suppressor gene — such as a gene that keeps the growth of the cell in check — could lead to uncontrolled cellular growth. Another example might be an epigenetic change that "turns off" genes that help repair damaged DNA, leading to an increase in DNA damage, which in turn, increases cancer risk.

 

If your parents and grandparents had good habits, you started off from a good place and you simply had to maintain it. If they had poor emotional and nutritional habits then you had a lot of work to do. Its not impossible. But it's a lot of hard work.  

 Many of the graduates of my Mind Mastery retreats who worked with me began to realize that they had very little free choice. Many of their choices were due to the impact of their early childhood programming and the trauma in the early years of on their lives. Some of these graduates who were counsellors and coaches started recognizing it in their clients as well.

 

So many of us are re-enacting these childhood patterns and scripts about life and relationship choices. We believe that we have choice. Often that belief of having free choice is an illusion. 

 

So the choices that your parents made about their food and eating choices as well as their emotional – programming would have a significant effect on you. In fact we now know based on epigenetic signaling that the nutritional and emotional choices made by grandmother can have a profound change on your life, lifestyle, health and longevity not to mention your emotional choice making.

 

 

So you can also have an issue of emotional epigenetics. People who come from an environment of poverty and lack have a greater likelihood of repeating this in their lives if they do not do something to change their emotional programming. So the traumatic emotional epigenetic patterns can impact biochemistry and physiology.   

 

If your parents and grandparents had good habits, you started off from a good place and you simply had to maintain it. If they had poor emotional and nutritional habits then you had a lot of work to do. It’s not impossible. But it’s a lot of hard work.

 

When you run into difficult life situations in your thirties and forties, recognize that these are often based on choices you made far earlier in your life. These choices were in turn based on  the impact of  your early childhood programming and the trauma in the early years of your life. Often the only way to resolve them is to deal with unfinished business. 

 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. 

The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at 

“Life by Design” Lite:  The summary e-book of the full "Life by Design" version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At  http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services its at www.sundardasnaturopathy.com 

 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design.

So Glenn had decided to do a similar pivot. He was interviewing authority figures in their niches and checking out how they were managing themselves, the people in their lives and their businesses. So he asked me how I had pivoted my business and my life to opportunity.    

So I spoke about how this was the third recession I was going through. Having been in business for 31 years I had become somewhat familiar with what it took to go through a critical financial period. This is the third round. There is a state of psychological preparedness. You have to get your emotional state ready. You need to see the bigger picture and be ready to be more proactive rather than reactive about possible opportunities. 

You also have to manage yourself on a daily basis. This included the daily routines. When you are working normally either at your job or your business you have your daily routines. This actually sets your day up.

If you have a larger meaning and purpose in your life, you don’t get totally derailed. So I asked myself how do I look after my mentorship coaching clients given that we could no longer meet physically? 

So the moment the authorities came up with the guidelines for limiting the number of hours and contact time I started rethinking. Since I was already doing online coaching, moving all the offline seminars to online was a relative no brainer. I started moving all my coaching and counselling session to calls online.  

When something comes along that disrupts your daily routine, until the daily routine is set up, it’s hard to think, plan and move forward. Since I had encountered time periods before in my life that were very disruptive I was familiar with the need to set up a new routine as quickly as possible.

I became COO of a MedTech startup group during this period. This was to help those in the area of dementia and memory issues as well as helping younger people and students develop a super memory.

 

I also started planning for the four books I intend to release over for the next 10 years .Given the extra time, I had the opportunity to do things that might have taken me four to six months in three weeks.  I decided to start planning to start a new podcast called the GutBrain Healing. 

 

Then I started doing more webinars and podcasts and started sharing messages over different platforms.  I also used this opportunity to rest more, cook more with my wife and start learning a new martial arts form to retrain new brain pathways and keep fit.  

 

So Glenn was quite taken by all this and commented that I walked my talk. That very few people could do all this comfortably under these circumstances. That I managed to be very productive and focused.

 

Some years ago, Glenn started to work with me to explore the impact of his early childhood programming on his life. He began to realise after a while that many of his choices and decisions were based on his early childhood programing and the trauma that he had endured. He started recognising it in his clients. So they make choices based on these childhood programmes.

 

So many of us are reenacting these childhood patterns and scripts about life and relationship choices. We believe that we have a choice. Often that belief of having free choice is an illusion. 

 

So you need to have a vision for yourself. That vision is what drives you to make the necessary changes. So when someone thinks like that they are looking at life like a marathon. They are not looking at a hundred meter sprint. So when you are young you can sprint. And you can do this up to a certain age. Once you cross 35, physiologically you can only do marathons. If all you have prepared for are sprints, then when you cross 35 you do not have the skills sets or mindsets to do a marathon well.

 

That’s when you can get burnt out or derailed. You simply do not have the skill sets. You also may not have built up or acquired the resources to do a marathon. Half way through you run out of gas and have problems. Those who actually recognize that they have run out of gas and cannot cope are the ones I see in my practice. 

 

There will be others who do not recognise this and keep looking for quick fixes. Every quick fix will lead them deeper and deeper into a rabbit hole. They don’t get  it that they are facing the results of choices that were made years back in their past. They are finally facing the consequences of these choices.

 

So if you have the regular practice of doing regular physical emotional and spiritual maintenance and going after their goals .. they have prepared for the marathon. Others do no maintenance and when they are going after their targets something breaks down. 

 

For some, they begin to recognize the needs to develop a regular practice of self-renewal. Others only react when something breaks down and they will only do a pit stop. Like what happens when you have cars racing and something breaks down. Then you have to stop to fix it.   

 

Considering this as a systems relationship, the quality of your life and health , your work environment, your relationships both personal and work or business wise are a reflection of what is going on in your microcosm inside.  So this breakdown can either be a health related, relationship related or financial related. It is letting you know that part of life is unsustainable.       

 

When something like the current challenging situation with the COVID-19 virus and financial meltdown comes up, you can either see it as a curse or a learning opportunity that whatever you are doing is not sustainable. Those who fail to take the opportunity to learn and grow will keep encountering more obstacles. 

 

Those who use this as a learning opportunity will develop new skills, become more resilient and adaptable and be able to thrive in the emerging new environment and economy. So a crucial practice is that of some kind of practice of contemplation and reflection on your life. An emotional practice of stepping back and reflecting.

 

When I started doing this, I realized I was reflecting on the patterns of my great grandfathers both paternal and maternal. I come from a family where after my grandfathers everyone worked for others. Only both my grandfathers (one was a medical doctor, the other was a business man) were self-employed and I was doing what they both did.

 

So do you reflect on your life? Only when you have awareness can you truly choose. Otherwise we only react.

 

So Glenn asked me, “What about my clients who find themselves really stuck. Yes they go for mindfulness course and all that. They are still stuck. They find that they get into this self-sabotaging patterns and they feel they have no options”.

 

Sometimes they have made choices in the past that keep limiting them. The first step is to accept responsibility and accountability for that choice they made. So often when people feel stuck in this situation they are not prepared to accept responsibility for their actions and choices they made. They go through rage, anger and they want to blame someone else. 

 

So long as they do that they are not accepting accountability. They are not prepared to pay the price for the choices you have made. And therefore they do not want to pay the price for the new choice that they have to make. They are not accepting “This is who I was”. “

 

“I want to be someone else. I do not want to accept where I am. I want to magically be  somewhere else” So whether they are struggling with addiction, debts, failed or abusive relationships, this is the core issue.

 

Imagine you are 20 years old, you borrow $10k from the bank. You don’t service the loan or even pay the interest for the next 10 years. Then at 30 after you have finished your education and you have a good job, you borrow another $10K from another bank. This one you service propely Then at when you 32, both the banks get together and you are faced with a whopping bill. Then you say to the bank, “But I was servicing my loan?”  

 

They remind you, this is the loan that you took when you were 20. So you are now left with the prospect that you may need to work hard for the next 10 years to make good on all that. Here we are only talking about money. 

 

Very often though the choices we made in the early years of our life would impact our life choices in the area of our health, wealth and relationships. These choices would also involve investments of time, effort, money, sweat, blood and tears. If they were great choices by virtue of the return on investment, all is well.

 

I remember going after my father who had been a pharmacist to change his lifestyle and habits, lose weight and manage his diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol for 20 years. He would always reply that his doctor had told him he was doing well on all his medications.

 

Finally when he was sixty-nine and had just narrowly survived a cardiac arrest, he looked at me and said “You know, I used to think that you were always making life difficult for me by going on about my lifestyle. I never really appreciated how difficult your early years had been because of all your medical conditions and you were trying to make sure I remained healthy to the end. What do I do now?”  

 

 I shook my head sadly and said, “Its too late’’. He died three years later from the complications of chemotherapy for his prostrate cancer.

 

So if you made poor choices like we all have made occasionally and you find that you have to fix the situation, you can choose to accept it, do what it takes and move on or  try to resist doing what needs to be done. Unfortunately the longer you deny the reality of the situation the more expensive it becomes. That is when you get stuck. 

 

This is however easier said than done. In a far earlier podcast I had spoken about the stages of change. For some recognizing and accepting the consequence of that choice can take a lifetime. Sometimes they may even accept and recognize the situation far too late like my father to make a new positive choice.  The solution is to accept the consequences of your choices, make a new choice, develop new skills, resources and attitudes to deal with the situation and move on. All of this takes time. 

 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. 

The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

 

You can always download a summary of my book Life by Design at 

“Life by Design” Lite:  The summary e-book of the full "Life by Design" version that gives you the overview of the core steps required to design an incredible life and business. Based on 20 years of research from working with 15,000 people. The golden nuggets to a transformational powerful life. At  http://liteversiondownload.respond.ontraport.net/

I am available to talks and programmes at www.drsundardas.com. If you need access to clinical services the website is www.sundardasnaturopathy.com 

 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sundardas. Join me on Your Life by Design 

Dr. Shaler particularly helps the partners, exes, and adult children of the relentlessly difficult, toxic people she calls Hijackals® to save their sanity and stop the crazy-making. She defines Hijackals as “people who hijack relationships--for their own purposes--while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.” 

Rhoberta offers the insights, strategies, and support you need to reclaim hope, confidence--and your sanity--when dealing with the constant uncertainty and jaw-dropping behaviors of Hijackals in your life, at home and at work.  Author of sixteen books, including her Hijackal ebook series, Escaping the Hijackal Trap, and, Stop! That’s Crazy-Making, she is the host of the popular podcast, listened to in more than seventy-five countries:  Save Your Sanity: Help for Toxic Relationships.  She is the former host of the Emotional Savvy channel on Binge TV Networks.

Dr. Shaler’s work has been featured on PsychCentral, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, Your Tango, The Good Men Project, and eHarmony, among many others. Her YouTube channel, ForRelationshipHelp, is an evergreen source of practical insights and tips for toxic relationships and has reached overall 700K views.
 

Website and Blog: ForRelationshipHelp.com

Podcast: SaveYourSanityPodcast.com 

Vaccines and Hazards  A new study published in the prestigious journal Vaccine, a peer-reviewed medical journal, published by Elsevier, titled Influenza vaccination and respiratory virus interference among Department of Defense personnel during the 2017-2018 influenza season, reveals that influenza vaccination may increase the risk of infection from other respiratory viruses -- a phenomenon known as virus interference  Receiving influenza vaccination may increase the risk of other respiratory viruses, a phenomenon known as virus interference. The virus interference phenomenon goes against the basic assumption of the test-negative vaccine effectiveness study that vaccination does not change the risk of infection with other respiratory illness, thus potentially biasing vaccine effectiveness results in the positive direction.  Vaccine derived virus interference was significantly associated with coronavirus and human metapneumovirus. 

Germans found that Vitamin D increases the immune system by 3-5 times and is BETTER than any vaccine at helping the immune system beat the h5n1 (bird flu) virus. 

 

Research from PubMed: In 1981, R. Edgar Hope-Simpson proposed that a 'seasonal stimulus' intimately associated with solar radiation explained the remarkable seasonality of epidemic influenza. Solar radiation triggers robust seasonal vitamin D production in the skin; vitamin D deficiency is common in the winter, and activated vitamin D, 1,25(OH)2D, a steroid hormone, has profound effects on human immunity. 1,25(OH)2D acts as an immune system modulator, preventing excessive expression of inflammatory cytokines and increasing the 'oxidative burst' potential of macrophages. 

 

Perhaps most importantly, it dramatically stimulates the expression of potent anti-microbial peptides, which exist in neutrophils, monocytes, natural killer cells, and in epithelial cells lining the respiratory tract where they play a major role in protecting the lung from infection. Volunteers inoculated with live attenuated influenza virus are more likely to develop fever and serological evidence of an immune response in the winter. Vitamin D deficiency predisposes children to respiratory infections. 

 

Ultraviolet radiation (either from artificial sources or from sunlight) reduces the incidence of viral respiratory infections, as does cod liver oil (which contains vitamin D). An interventional study showed that vitamin D reduces the incidence of respiratory infections in children. We conclude that vitamin D, or lack of it, may be Hope-Simpson's 'seasonal stimulus'-

 

You can use your home long bath or hot foot bath. The use of hot bath daily 2 to 3 times to increased your body heat to 43 degree will help to strengthen your immune system during this period beside all the other precautions must be strictly observed.

I have a prescription product called Lentin Plus. It increases T3 killer cells 10x.  Used for for almost 20 years in my practice for viral and bacterial fevers. Also in cancer. My overseas clients buy in boxes when in trouble. When SARS was around one of my clients in England used it for her son who recovered in 7 days and went back to school.

Got me thinking about my 30 year journey as an entrepreneur. There were years I worked really hard and I was just plodding through. There were no waves of financial opportunity to ride. 

 

How many of you can resonate with that? 

 

Other years when I was on a streak and things went  so well. I was really riding the waves of prosperity.

 

For the first 10 years, I did not think of it as cycles of opportunity. I was just coping with all the challenges of doing research, writing books, attending upgrading programs, seeing clients and patients, managing relationships and trying to stay healthy in the midst of all this.

 

Around the 13th  year when I actually had tried to map businesses out I realised that there were actually these periodic waves. 

 

I could not create these waves just as I could not create the waves when body boarding.  I could only anticipate them and be ready to take advantage of them.

 

Sometimes when I was body boarding I rode the wrong wave. I thought it would go places. It did not. When a good wave came along just after I missed it. 

 

So similarly in business if I misread the situation I would have positioned my businesses in the incorrect fashion. 

 

One of the biggest mistake I made was in the 13th year or so. We had completed our ISO certification and we had grown the clinic significantly.

 

So I decided that I could extend the range of services we could offer our clients. This is often called line extension. It often results in confusing the market about your core offerings.

 

We confused  the market and it showed in our results. There was a recession and we felt it. 

 

So in other words, before the recession we were riding a good wave. I did not recognise it. I thought we are doing good marketing and positioning. 

 

When the recession came and quite a few of our expatriate clients left Singapore we felt it financially. 

 

After this I relooked at how we marketed our services and to whom. We reduced the number of core offerings to the public. 

 

We also tightened our target audience profile. As a result we had clients coming in from multiple countries. 

 

Instead of having multiple front end offerings, we reduced it to five core offerings and the other services became back end. 

 

Suddenly we could ride another wave of opportunity again. As I became clearer about the economic landscape I realised that it was critical to be focussed on your target audience. 

 

I started seriously looking at business cycles. I remember in 2014 when we had a really good year. 

 

However I was really anxious because i could not understand the reason for the good year. It was part of a business cycle. If I was not careful the next year would be most challenging. 

 

So I did a detailed overview of my businesses and found several gaps that needed to be addressed. 

 

The reality is that as business grows and expands new business challenges and gaps appear. 

 

It’s the job of the CEO to be able to read the business cycles and anticipate the ups and downs in advance. 

 

In fact I always know that a really good 

year is a sign that business cycles are about to change and it’s time to prepare for the next cycle.

 

For some cycles we took almost three years to prepare for it. The CEOs I consult for understand that they need to start preparing for the future cycles when their business is doing well. 

 

I was talking to some business owners. 

Those who have been around have seen these cycles of boom and near bust. 

 

It’s often the newbies who have the illusion that that they have it all figured out. You can only plan and have contingency plans in place.

 

Have you got your Plan A, B and C in place?

 

Dorothy: It’s a pleasure to be here, thank you!

 

Great Dorothy!  And let me just introduce Dorothy. Dorothy’s vision “elevate and respect so that any woman can own a space, command respect and live free from fear”. She graduated in Physics and Maths. Started a career in military systems, then Telecom, Financial systems and more. As a rare woman, she led and manage the people who made it happen. Along the way she worked with many good men, learned their ways on how to build standards while respecting others. And there were those who did not distinguished themselves in the good man category. In thirteen seconds, you found a super power.  With humor, Dorothy shares her stories, strategies and more on how women and men can understand one another, do productive things and have fun doing it. She’s here to share how you can stand up with those, who out of lyle, show you, you’re not a bystander, who wishes you had said something.

 

Well, Dorothy I heard a little bit about your story and all of that, and I guess my first question is: “What did you struggle with that made you find a better way?”

 

I struggled with being seen and being respected and you know people would presume that they could call me, little you know, in a professional environment, that they could call me “sweetheart” or “honey” or something like that. 

 

 

And you know, it was in-appropriate, but you know it fit into this, kind of big cultural narrative that is present certainly here in the United States but in many countries throughout the world that women are less than men in some way. And so for us as women who have, you know, that honorable ambition and the future that we see for ourselves, it’s really important to be able to stand up in the moment and kind of bend that story. That cultural story in a way, that doesn’t have any blame or shame and it makes the person that you have just de-statused with thirteen seconds maneuver…make them like it! And that is the magic, when you bring a bit of fun to it, it makes all the difference.

 

 

Dr. Sundardas: So fascinating! Tell me about your 13 seconds, why did you come up with 13 seconds?

 

I came up with that, because I was trying to think of some way to describe what, I was being too wordy about and one of the things that I noticed. You know, how the divine will put in your way something that will trigger, you know when you’re asking a question that you don’t know the answer to. Somehow the divine will bring forth a resource that will help you get to your answer, and you’ll notice it because you want it. And that intention is so keys. So I noticed the wonderful Mel Robins, who has what is called the 5-second rule and I thought, “You know what, everything.” Everytime that I have done this and turned the tables on status and elevated my status leading the other person with respect and dignity that has taken how long? So, I just counted up the longest time and the shortest time that’s where that name came from, so kudos to Mel Robins for giving me that general pattern. 

 

Dr. Sundardas: Right, back to your Maths and Physics background to find the best possible average.

 

Dorothy: Yes, (laughter) Indeed.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, and how did that change, how others saw you?

 

Dorothy: Oh, it changes tremendously, would you like an example?

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, of course!

 

Oh, gosh! So, one of the first time’s I did it in a professional setting and I failed at these many times before. And I was just tired of failing at it you know. It’s no fun to be de-statused and it’s frustrating to not know what to do at the moment. You know what you’d do when you don’t know what to do in that moment of challenge? Is…”You know later, I will think of something, I should have said this rushed or will complain about it to our family members, will lose sleep over it they will tell our friends (rarara) for days!” (laughter).

 

Dr. Sundardas: They will go on and on and on and will make a story out of a story.

 

Yes, yes and you know, it’s just a colossal waste of time, it drains your energy and zaps your power, so it’s just… you want to be able, in that moment, you know, wind the interaction. So, the situation, one of my early ones, was, I’m at work in my first professional position. And I’m walking down, there is a long hall way with offices on each side. And I’m walking down the hall and my boss, who is this little short man, gives me a call down the hallway as I’m walking away – “Hey, Honey! (laughter)” 

 

Dr. Sundardas: That’s not a loud mouth in your head…

 

…so, I just kept walking and stood up just a little taller, “Hey, Sweetheart!” He’s a man from New Jersey, and they have a particular accent from New Jersey, I’m not very good at that accent but you get the idea.…

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes

 

And (laughter) you know I just stood up into my more queenly stance yet, and walk slowly and purposefully another step or two. He called for me at a time or two, with this other name, “Hey Doll!” you know, these things that play into what in the US are big meta stories, so…

 

Dr. Sundardas: Right!

 

…social stories and I just keep walking and I was willing to turn around and he finally called my name, “Hey Dorothy!” And so, I slowly came into a halt turned about half way around and at a 45 to him looked over my shoulder and said, “Yes, oh, Romeo!” that was actually his name.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Right…! 

 

Dorothy: (laughter) (both laughs)

 

Dorothy: Now by this time, Sundardas, you know, people were popping their heads out of, you know those offices on each side of the hallway.

 

Dr. Sundardas: I bet, everyone got the message.

 

Dorothy: Everyone got the message.

 

Dr. Sundardas: And he got the message.

 

Dorothy: And he got the message, he did. You know, it took less than thirteen seconds? And it raised my status and it made him realized that I was a force to be reckon with and when people know you are a force to be reckoned with, with honor and respect and you leave them with their dignity, that’s when your status of respect goes up, up up!

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, that sounds great! Now, what really drew you to this work?

 

Dorothy: Well I, we have here in the US and world wide this tremendous resurgence of women, who are getting more involved in politics and wanted to be respected more. And it’s one thing to want to be respected more, but it’s another thing to show up in a way where that respect is automatic because that decision is not made in our cognitive mind, in our nil cortex. That decision, for whether somebody is on status with us or higher or lower status, is made in those very primitive parts of our brain, like that.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes.

 

Dorothy: So, you have to show up in a way that triggers that in the primitive part of the brain. And most of us, particularly those of us who are well educated, we tend to think that information is power. Well it’s potential power.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes. Yes, potential power…

 

Dorothy: Yes, how you use it is powerful. And those simple parts of the brain, don’t even do language.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, they don’t. They’re non-verbal, pre-verbal.

 

Dorothy: Yes, pre-verbal. Very much. 

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes. And what was some of the first things that you did?

 

Dorothy: Oh, well some of those first things that I did is that stories I said. But then, the next steps, and I teach these as well, is what to do to capitalize on your elevated status. This is one thing to develop it at the moment, it’s another thing to make it pay for you over time. So, that you can get the promotion that you want, if you’re working at a company. So that you can close the deal that you want, if you own your own business and you’re looking for another…a wonderful customer or client. You know, it’s…nobody does business with somebody else no matter what the business, if they don’t think that that person is on status or a little higher.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Okay, so no matter what if you got a new business, you want a new business, with some value or onsite status with you or higher status.

 

Dorothy: Yes, you need to have higher status to be believed.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, and what happens after you started doing this? How did your boss’ family or friends react or notice what happened?

Dorothy: Oh! Gosh, they loved it! Because you know, you’re bringing that bit of playfulness to it and being powerful, that is always attractive to people. That’s the kind of thing, that people will associate, with charm, with savoir faire, as the French say.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes.

 

Dorothy: (laughs)

 

Dr. Sundardas: Charisma, yes.

 

Dorothy: Yes, exactly. And people love, that interactions with people that can embody that…and I…you know, as you said, I grew up a really geeky gal. If somebody as geeky as me can learn these stuff you can too. (laughter)

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes. I knew all about the geeky stuff.

 

Dorothy: Yes.

 

Dr. Sundardas: I think I would have competed with you for being geeky. 

 

 

Dorothy: And you know, there comes a time when we often choose to be that better version of ourselves. It’s wonderful.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yup. Yup. I’m just curious. What questions do you ask yourself along the way that set you moving from this particular direction?

 

Oh, that’s a great question! The questions that I ask myself, you know in the earliest days…was, you know, who are some people that I can learn from? And I started by reading biographies of people here in the U.S., who had amazing stories and came form very humble backgrounds. Backgrounds that you would think, would not make them a notable person. You know, I’m here in Texas, so I read biographies of Representative Barbara Jordan. She was the first African-American member of the United States House of Representatives from the state of Texas. And she came from very humble background and she, you know, made a really huge difference in the U.S. Congress. So, I’ve read biographies of people like that. Which was great, it gave me a feel for what could be accomplished but it didn’t break down, you know, what are the steps that I needed to learn in order to achieve that in my own life.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Right. So, you have a direction, but it wasn’t specific enough in terms of a pathway, or a specific loop way, or a map…or what exactly you needed to do in order to be able to achieve that. Right?

 

Dorothy: Mmm…and the 13th second rule, is just the beginning of that. it’s that people love learning it, it gives them a great foundation for what are those next steps to do, to be able to achieve that raise or to close that deal. Without status, neither of those things really is possible.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, yes, ofcourse. The basic point for negotiation, is two people must have equal status or one person has higher status, than the other and they can then ask for what they want, because if they were lower status, they don’t mainly have a basis to negotiate. So, yeah…

 

Dorothy: That’s exactly, exactly right.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, absolutely! Now, will you briefly explain the pain, hope and solution as you see it.

 

Dorothy: So, the pain really is – that you are tired of being disrespected, and you’re tired of being not listened to, you’re tired of your ideas not being well-received by other people. You’re tired of complaining to yourself about these symptoms and wasting time and being stressed out over not being able to solve this or what…like put your finger on what to do. And you ask kind of a 2-part question, what was the second part?

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yeah, and yes, when you talked about feeling helpless and hopeless and all of that, and then you have to do something about it. And you spoke earlier on about how you watched, and you read biographies to workout how other people handled it… So did you come up with a solution for your self?

 

Dorothy: I well I did over time! I did. And when I came up with that solution, it was because I didn’t want to say things…you know, when people, ah, cross the boundary with me. Like, you know, Romeo in the hallway. (laughs)

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes.

 

Dorothy: I didn’t want to come across as, you know, saying “You just didn’t yah, dah, dah, dah, dah…how dare you! You’re a terri…

 

Dr. Sundardas: …you’re a terrible friend, like when you say it to his face…

 

Dorothy: It’s not useful…

Dr. Sundardas: No.

Dorothy: …at all.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Absolutely.

 

Dorothy: …so what it triggers in peoples’ minds is the good bad binary…

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes

 

Dorothy: And when all of these…we’re all a mix of good and bad. You know....

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes

 

Dorothy: …most people, are generally good, but I guarantee you, you know I’m a generally nice person, but if somebody were to come and do something that was threatening to my kids, even so they’re grown now, “Mama Bear” would come out and roar!

 

Dr. Sundardas: Absolutely! Absolutely! Territorial imperative.

 

Dorothy: That’s right! And so, you know we’re all capable of great good and great evil.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yeah.

 

Dorothy: And so, nobody likes to be identified with that evil part, except for, you know, silly characters in the movies.

 

 

Dorothy: But, am…

 

Dr. Sundardas: So…

 

Dorothy: So, if you make somebody else bad, they will fight back. 

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes.

 

Dorothy: You honor them, draw that clear bounding with a bit of thought. And honor them while you’re doing it, they will love you for it.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Absolutely! Yeah, when you make somebody look bad, they will have to defend themselves, because we all have to feel that we’re good.

 

Dorothy: Yes, yes, it’s very true. Very true, you are so wise. So, and... you know, I had been guilty of making the other person bad, and I noticed it just didn’t work.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes.

 

Dorothy: So, I needed to find another way. And you know what, I used my geek research skills to find a way to get there. And it made me a better human being.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, that’s a powerful idea of overcoming a challenge. Now, did you experience any setbacks on your journey throughout finding the solution?

 

Dorothy: Oh! Gosh, yes. I experienced that mostly in my personal life, because being able to do a skill like this is contextual. You know it’s…the context of work has a whole set of stories. Social stories around that, that the context in family has a whole other dynamic.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Absolutely. Absolutely.

 

And when you believe it, that the person, that in my case you believe that the person that you married, should love you, and cherish you and treat you well and they’re not doing it. There’s that part of your brain that recognizes that and the part of your brain that won’t…doesn’t want to believe it. And it won’t. And that – that held me back from doing these things in the personal context. So, one of the things that I helped, mostly women, though I do have some men clients. But mostly women, and, am…one of the things that I helped them do, is to be able to wave that context skill in one context. To bring it over into another context, because I was very invested in having my marriage last for a long time, for us to get along well. And the children will be happy and not see any, you know, meaningful bickering or fighting. And I had come into a conclusion of after a while, that that was not possible. And the most honorable things to do was to release that husband, from the marriage, and it turned out to be true.

 

He was in a position where he couldn’t take action on that. He had some, some kind of family and family history constraints that really prevented him from taking action. But we are…we did what was possible here in the U.S. A collaborative divorce where you know, you work off with some professionals to make sure that both parties and any children are whole in the other side. And so, we worked through that collaborative divorce and now, you know, we can be pleasant in public how the important events, of our now grown children. And so, we have a family in a different configuration now. It works for all of us.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, and that’s a youthful resolution, because it’s a…mutual beliefs and action.

 

Dorothy: Yes, it is…and you know everybody is happier. The children are much happier. And after a while, they really got it. That it was just a really curious match, my former husband and me. But he’s a good man overall, it just wasn’t a match.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yeah, sometimes there would be get together…and they still invite you up and the last thing you can do is recognize, that it doesn’t work and move on.

 

Yes, and move on as honorably as you can. And so, bringing those skills from one context into another, is truly wonderful. Because almost every listener we thought, hearing this now, has these skills in some area of their lives. And being able to expand it, so that you can be a more fully empowered person, really does just change the trajectory of your life from the things you can achieve.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Where can people get more, Dorothy?

 

Dorothy: Well, my website http://dorothykuhn.com/gift because I have a wonderful gift to give people to get them started for free right away. So, that’s http://dorothykuhn.com. You’ll probably put the spelling of that in the show notes.

 

Dr. Sundardas: Yes, I would. I would. I will be doing that. Well, thank you very much Dorothy, that’s all we have today. So one lucky listener…

 

Dorothy: Thanks.

 

One lucky listener, who will post a review on iTunes, will win a private confidential from South Asian coaching with me on discovering your souls purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey, to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report a personal 45-minute South Asian with me, that is worth thousands. On this podcast, I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say, yes on the things that matters and eliminate everything else that’s no truth out. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you step into your true potential. Stay on track, accomplish all that you want to resolve. Are you ready to make that happen? Feel free to reach out to me, to ask questions at AskDrSun.com, Your Life is a Gift, Design it. Do what matters and join me each week, as we get closer, to designing the life of your dreams.

 

I am Dr. Sun, join me next week, on your Life by Design. 

This year's goal is to achieve strength, flexibility, and agility. I will no longer bottleneck myself from achieving my goals! What's your bottleneck and what are you going to do about it?

Just what is a human bottleneck? 

It's the person who prevents work from moving forward, who stops the advancement of a project and momentarily pauses the work of others.

It happens to everyone sometimes. But it really sucks as the business owner to become the bottleneck in your growth.

No one wants to be in the way of others. Sometimes you might not even realize that you're causing a problem when you're busy at work, focused on your own project. But if you take special care to communicate clearly, you won't become a human bottleneck.

While process bottlenecks are definitely widespread throughout many organizations, human bottlenecks are pretty common too. It's easier to change human bottlenecks than organizational ones, especially if the organization's processes are clunky. People are in control of their own actions. With a little self-awareness, we can improve how we work and collaborate.

I heard that comment yesterday at work, it wasn't the first time in my life that I heard it but for some reason it stuck with me. It felt like an epiphany. I don't want to be the bottleneck at work (we all want that), I don't want things stopping with me...gotta keep things moving. 

This year's goal is to achieve strength, flexibility, and agility. I will no longer bottleneck myself from achieving my goals! What's your bottleneck and what are you going to do about it?

There are both internal and external inefficiencies at hand here.

You might become a problem in your team's workflow when you're having a hard time finishing your part of a project, or are swamped with other requests that are clouding your ability to prioritize. 

It may also be the case that because of organizational procedures, we are unable to access the information that we need to move forward. 

Or your team expands or collapses and you run into the murky waters of making sure you can onboard a new person faster.

Should the requests of others take precedence over our own work? 

To some extent. 

While you don't want to drop your work any time someone needs something from you, you also don't want to impede others' ability to do their work. 

You should try to find a balance that works for both you and your team members.

Whatever the case may be, there are certain things that are in our control and that can prevent us from becoming human bottlenecks.

In the meantime, I'm curious, are you a bottleneck in your business and impeding your own growth?

Step 1 is to recognize the problem.

Clarify both what's expected of you and what you expect from others. Clear communication of expectations can help you and your team members to prioritise work in such a way that no one impedes the progress of others.

This way, if you know that one team member has a certain deadline, and they need certain information from you two days before their deadline, you will be able to arrange your work so that they will receive the information on time.

Likewise, if a team member is expecting something from you by a certain time, but you have a deadline that you need to prioritise, that team member will be informed when to expect your part of the work.

Don't wait until the last minute to communicate what your schedule looks like and when team members can expect.

If something comes up and you're not able to fulfill a request, let it be known as soon as the situation arises. It will save your team members from a lot of frustration and it will help you maintain your reputation.

I would suggest you take some time to think what it is you're not happy with. Continue the job if you still haven't decided what you want to change. A little job security in tough times helps a lot. Once you figure out what it is you want to change then talk it out with your family. Take their inputs, explain to them how you feel and get their support because that kind of support is incomparable.

It's easier than ever to share information with team members. With the help of office apps and communication tools, you can make sharing of information a breeze. Chances are that if information is easily accessible, team members won't need to constantly ask each other questions and cause a constant ping-pong of let-me-get-back-to-you.

Processes usually play a huge part in causing bottlenecks, so they're worth reviewing. Procedural bottlenecks are external factors that are slowing your workflow, and they should be removed when possible. Imagine three freeway lanes suddenly funneling into one—no matter how effective and efficient each driver is, slowing is inevitable.

See how you can work on transforming that one lane into two or even three lanes to break the bottleneck.

Sometimes, our team members can see things that we can't because we're immersed in the work. Don't be afraid to accept, and even ask for, suggestions from team members on how you can remove bottlenecks. When you acknowledge that there is a problem and ask your team members to help you solve it, it can strengthen the team.

Lastly, if you're the last person to receive the work in the project, or the last person to see the project before it's finished, it's just as bad to leave it on the back burner for a long time.

Although you are not technically a bottleneck since others aren't depending on you, you have to understand that other team members have worked hard to deliver what you need for the project in a timely manner. Try to see the project through in a timely manner, and if you can't, communicate that as soon as you can.

As for regrets, you have to take a few chances to see where your decision takes you. If you have regrets at least you will know what you was wrong for you and then you'll be able to change your path towards happiness again.

I don’t know how old you are or what your situation is but if you have your family to help and support you then you can take the chances you want to take to make your life a little less of a bottleneck.

A lot depends on your situation. Do you have a spouse, or even kids? Do you have debts? If none, then it’s relatively safe to make such decisions.

Make sure what you’re doing is not completely insane and that you can get back to a safe spot if you fail; you got to live another day to try again. It’s not wise to get far from the edge of the pool until you’re confident in your swimming, but never letting go of it won’t get you anywhere either.

Put yourself in positions of opportunities. For example, meet as many new people as you can: you never know which such meeting will end in a lifelong friendship, new knowledge or deal, or additional connections leading to such things. On the other hand, opportunities like that don’t mean you must pursue them further, which is called “optionality:” unknown and possibly unlimited upside potential with known and limited downside (e.g. the time you spend with the person.)

Stay away from deals that sound too good, and stay honest. As someone once said,  only dishonest people can be scammed. 

The subconscious mind is a powerful force. It has it’s own unique way of perceiving the world. What is really happening around you is less important than what your subconscious mind thinks is happening. In other words, your perception is your reality. 

Whatever it perceives to be a problem, it will remedy. It will solve that problem for you – whether you are aware of that problem or not. 

For instance, if you have an image of yourself in your mind as overweight or as a poor public speaker or as just plain poor, your subconscious mind will help you to achieve that image. It will help you to stay overweight (keep that image for you) or keep nervous or poor. 

Remember, the image in your mind is what the subconscious perceives as the truth. Very little logic operates in the subconscious; emotions and old tapes dictate much of your behaviour. The subconscious mind focuses on those goals and sets out to achieve them. 

We have opinions, our subconscious does not. It operates only from information stored in its memory. 

After the age of eight years, when that Critical Factor develops, we can be critical about the information we accept; the subconscious accepts whatever we send to it, it is non-judgmental. 

Willpower cannot override it for any length of time. We can try and try and try again every diet going and our subconscious will bring us right back to that inner image. Fortunately, it cannot differentiate between what is real and what is imagined. That can be a help to us, too. 

And that’s the power of Hypnosis. Hypnosis or hypnotherapy is the way to access your subconscious mind and to replace those old tapes with your new choices, the new image of how you see yourself. That may be as a slimmer you, as a great public speaker, as a successful business person or baseball player or golfer, as a non-smoker, as a person with a stronger, healthier body, or as almost anything you choose.

The subconscious is called a servo-mechanism; that is, a machine that automatically steers itself towards a goal. So, you want to change? Then make it Your Servant. 

Every day of our lives, we are making decisions about how our world is. We tend to make those decisions without going back to reassess them. Some of our behaviour today may be based on decisions we made when we were children and we continue to reinforce them. They may have served us then but are no longer appropriate or functional. 

“Every time my co-worker acts like that, I get mad” 

“Finish all you dinner, think of the poor starving children in…” 

“If I look at a brownie, I put on 5 pounds.” 

“I have a big day tomorrow. I know I won’t sleep.” 

“I’ve tried everything to quit. I just can’t do it.” 

“My memory is poor.” 

“I never do well on exams.” 

“No matter how hard I try, I always fail.” 
“I am stupid.” 

“I’ve always been an average golfer.” 

“Rich people must be cheats.” 

“It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.” 

And the list goes on. For more on this go to Positive and Negative Thoughts. 

We know how powerful advertising is but we don’t often realise how powerful our own thoughts are in directing our lives. Its all the power of suggestion. 

That brings us to repetition. Our subconscious mind thrives on repetition. Just as advertisers know that their ads are more effective when we see or hear them repeatedly, so, too, is it important for you to hear those positive suggestions repeatedly for your ultimate success. 

Listen to your hypnosis tapes often, read or say your affirmations, and redirect your negative thoughts. Go on, say some nice things about yourself. I can... achieve all the changes I want.....I am...perfect just the way I am. 

In hypnotherapy, perhaps the greatest skill comes with developing positive suggestions. You can learn to talk to your subconscious mind in the way it can understand.

* Memories are actually re-created each time we recall them. They are not ‘stored’ as complete entities within the preconscious — or anywhere else for that matter. Because of this, our memories can change over time. 

The unconscious mind has a different role. Its job is to run both our bodies and minds. It regulates our heartbeat and controls all our vital organs. Its prime directive, however, is survival.

 

During moments of disequilibrium, the unconscious takes over the job of the conscious mind and begins recording and storing percepts. The unconscious mind does not attempt to make sense of what it records or stores, and it is from out of this jumble of stored percepts that reactions are born.

 

In the first seven years of our life, we do not consciously learn. This is because learning officially begins when the brain begins to shift predominantly to alpha frequencies. In the first even years of our life, our brain functions predominantly in theta frequencies. This is the state that when we are in it as adults, we can be more easily influenced and persuaded.

 

As children, in this state we are programmed with a whole lot of command that thereafter run our lives. Since when we are being programmed, we are unaware of this state, we do not recognize or realize how much programming we have taken on. After we are programmed, we forget about these programs and then we promptly forget that we were programmed. Then we forget that we forgot. 

 

It is only later on in life when we keep running into limiting patterns that we start questioning the basis for our limited choices that bring us pain. The unconscious is also responsible for activating reactions. Some reactions are essential to our well being and survival. For example, touch a hot stove and your immediate reaction is to snatch your hand away quickly. The reaction saves you from severely burning yourself. Not all reactions, however, serve such a useful purpose. 

 

For example, reactions can cause unwanted feelings and emotions. They can cause stress and illness, physical as well as mental. They can cause you to act irrationally and illogically. They can, and do, affect every part of your life.

 

Your unconscious mind is the single source of your reactions. It is also the source of all stress-related illnesses and conditions. These include acne, bulimia nervosa, the common cold, diabetes, headaches, insomnia, obesity, ulcers, and many more besides. In fact, recent studies show that 80% of visits to British doctors are related to stress.

 

Once you have completely cleared your unconscious mind of unwanted reactions and negative ‘charges’, you will attain a new state of mind that. The benefits of being in this new state are enormous. For example, it gives you a general sense of well being. Your mind can function at its optimum level. Decision making and reflexes (physical, as well as mental) improve. 

 

The ability to absorb and retain information becomes far easier. Memory recall improves dramatically. You will have a better understanding of what you want from life. Your confidence and belief in your abilities will grow immensely. You will have the courage and conviction to go for and attain your goals in life.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

How do you know if you are really into self-improvement? Tough question isn’t it. 

The first step though is to believe that you can do better. This is related to self-esteem.  How you think about yourself determines how you interact with others.

What are the signs and symptoms of low self-esteem?

1. Nothing you do seems to go right.

2. You believe that most people do not like you.

3. You believe that you are not attractive.

4. You choose something and it turns out to be the worst one.

5. You are afraid to converse with others for fear that what you say might not make sense.

6. You feel swallowed up in a whirlpool of frustration.

What’s wrong with you? Your thoughts, actually.

Stop thinking that the world is closing in on you. Get determined to achieve what you desire. Stop blaming other people for your misfortunes. The world is not your problem, you are your own problem or solution.

From this moment on, begin the journey. Be determined to win, and win you will. Just remember that success never comes easily and that is why determination is its counterpart.

Oftentimes, one gets to the brink of success and with just a little disappointment or setback, they lose heart and give up too easily and too soon. Who knows what great things might have been achieved if only they had persevered.

 You have to seriously decide either to remain in a miserable state of low self esteem, or  develop high self esteem with great character and  a positive self image.

Low self esteem could begin way back in childhood when children are made to believe that they are worthless. Their self confidence is eroded and they succumb to the idea that they can never achieve success in anything that they do. They were picked on, laughed at, pushed around, called ugly names, and treated with disdain. No wonder they grew up to be full of resentment.

If that was your experience, it is time you cut yourself loose from that mind set and move on. Start reading about the life of successful people you admire and you will soon discover that many of them had such low self-esteem that they could not even complete an elementary education. 

Many decided to grow mentally and emotionally. They became some of the greatest men and women that ever lived.

Low self-esteem can only drive you into depression, anger, fear and all the other evils that it generates.

Re-program your thinking and control your state of mind. You must believe that you are worth much more than you think or you will remain at the foot of the ladder and never make an attempt to climb it. 

Do not waste your life away with feelings of inadequacies. Instead, think of ways to go about taking small steps that will add up. Success is yours, just reach out and grasp it.

Many people have goals, dreams or ambitions but do not know how to go about achieving them. They may have thoughts about their ideal life, but have no idea how to even begin to make the plans and take the actions required to make them a reality.

Some people have a vague idea on how to go about improving their lot. These are the ones that believe that if only they had a better job, or had been given better opportunities, or met the love of their life, or whatever else, everything would be fine and they would be happy. 

They feel that their happiness or lack of happiness is decided by external factors and their thoughts and actions are of little consequence.

Some believe that if only they had more money they could have whatever they want and be on their way to a great life. 

They may have spent little time thinking about what they actually want from life, and do not really believe there is anything they can do to create their fuzzy version of utopia anyway, apart from buying more lottery tickets.

Other people do not even know what they actually want from their lives and may even have little idea what would really makes them happy. They seem to just drift from day to day, week to week, month to month, and year to year, and do little more than just about get by. 

They may have seemingly secure jobs and be earning enough to live relatively comfortable lives. They seem happy enough and have no great ambition to achieve anything more from their lives than they currently have.

Is self-improvement important?

The reality is that throughout our lives we are all constantly growing and developing. Circumstances make us grow and develop, even if we do not make the conscious decision to do so.

 Up to a certain age, we learn through formal education and we continue to learn through our experiences for the rest of our lives. We have to learn and grow to deal with everything that life throws at us. We either grow or vegetate and decline.

Modern life moves at a dramatically faster pace than at any time in history. For anyone living in modern society there are more opportunities to do anything that you want to do with your life than ever before. 

But there is also more competition than ever before, and ever changing technology means that there really are few, if any ‘jobs for life’ anymore. It is now normal not only to change jobs quite often throughout our working lives, but even to completely change careers and industries.

Because the workplace is so competitive, people who are ambitious and hungry for success know they need to learn new skills and knowledge to keep ahead of the pack. To attain this, training  your skillset and mindset  is needed. 

These are the people that will be most likely to keep their jobs, or progress within their chosen field, or that will be readily employable in different organizations or industries.

A commitment to self- improvement and personal growth may well be the deciding factor in how anyone’s future will turn out.

The 3 essential keys to self- improvement and motivation are

 

Inspiration is critical to staying motivated and improving oneself. If you are not interested in your business, your work, your life or your relationship, your motivation level will never be high and you will not be able to sustain interest for very long.

Take an honest look at your inspiration level. Are you excited about going to work or is it an obligation? You would be surprised at the number of people who choose a business that looks good on paper, but in reality does not interest them in the least. 

These individuals will grow weary and uninterested pretty quickly because they have no inspiration or passion to sustain them during the difficult times they will encounter as a small business owner.

If you do not like your work, then think how you can re-focus your work or small business to better match your needs. Or consider making a change entirely. Without inspiration, there will not be motivation to even try learning or growing.

 

Short and long-term goal setting is vital for any business owner. If you do not set goals, you would have no definite purpose on which path of self-improvement to take.

How could you possibly be motivated if you were unsure about the direction of your company or career?

Take the time to put your goals in writing. A business plan may sound daunting, but it is really nothing more than goals, strategies, implementation and a budget. Write your own business plan and update it at least annually. 

Include “mini-goals” that can be accomplished in a matter of hours, days or weeks as well as the more ambitious “grand-goals” that may take years to complete. Refer to this plan throughout the year.

But can a business plan really help motivate you? Of course. Written goals will make you feel more professional and certainly more connected to your business. It will also free you from having to reinvent your business or work goals every single day.

Another key factor in getting and staying motivated is networking with other small business owners. No one person knows it all. 

However, when a number of people begin working together, the challenges will just be there waiting to be conquered.

In fact, the isolation of working alone is of one the most difficult parts of being an entrepreneur. You can never be on your way to self improvement without the help of others.  Mutual support is motivating. 

Make it easier on yourself by connecting with others either in your community or online. Even when businesses are not related, you will often find common ground and ways to work together.

Many successful entrepreneurs report that finding the right networking group was a turning point in the growth of the business. Working together, a networking group can help its members generate more qualified sales leads and solve problems faster and more efficiently. 

Sharing ideas, expertise and experience is also an invaluable aspect of motivation and self improvement. 

Your own personal team of business owners will help re-energize you when the burdens of running your own business seem too much. 

With your networking team to rely on, you can accomplish more in less time and probably have more fun in the process. You will feel motivated to accomplish self improvement when you know you are not alone.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

 

On the other hand babies who come from bleak chaotic homes go about the

same tasks in a way that signals that they already expect to fail. Even when they succeed they have a look about them that implies “I’m no good. See I have failed” reports Dr. Brazelton.

 

Emotional intelligence and self-esteem which is crucial ingredient for success in life is shaped by circumstances in the earliest years and continues to evolve throughout the school years. Self-esteem is a direct indicator of the presence or your permission to succeed.. How good do you think your self-esteem was as a baby?

 

The major components of EQ would involve the ability to be aware of yourself and recognize your feelings. You would be able to make your decisions and be aware of the consequences and recognize when your emotions or your thoughts are ruling the choices that you make. 

 

If you can manage your EQ, you would be able to monitor your self-talk and catch negative messages that would have put downs as well as find ways of managing fears, anxieties, anger and sadness. In other words you would consciously be in control of your emotional states. You would not be a hostage to hidden sabotage from your Critical Voice.

 

You would also know techniques of handling stress, as well as appreciate the values of mental exercise, guided imagery and relaxations methods. The ability to empathize with another is a valuable component of EQ. It would allow you to become aware of how different people feel about things.

 

It includes the ability to talk about feelings and be able to distinguish between what someone says and your own reactions and judgments about it. Being able to be open in appropriate relationships and know when it is safe to start talking about your private feelings.

 

You would be able to accept yourself as you are and be proud of your strengths and be able to recognize your weakness. You could take on personal responsibility and recognize the consequences of your actions. You could be assertive when appropriate as well as function in a group setting. 

 

A "delusional slave" is someone who is enslaved without knowing it. This kind of delusion results from automatically altered perspectives. Inside the human brain is an unconscious mind that can be programmed, just like a computer, to trigger thoughts and feelings automatically. 

 

The unconscious mind controls perspective templates (filters to what you think, feel and see) and it controls the willpower that you need to act on a decision. This unconscious mind is easily programmed by an outside source. The perspectives and decisions that you experience will feel like they were born from your own free will, they will feel right, and they will "feel logical". 

 

However, unless you systematically identify and remove your inadvertent assumptions, someone else controls most of this activity. Those unconscious triggers are all caused by two things:

 

Assumptions. These assumptions are created and reinforced by stereotypes,

generalizations, rules and principles. Any visualization or representation that has a loophole. This process adds to the structure of your unconscious mind.

 

Intent. Intent (willpower) fuels the unconscious mind, activating its triggers wherever a real-time thought or experience automatically associates with an unconscious mechanism. This is a domino effect resulting in numerous triggers all going off at once to complete your "experience of reality" and your "experience of free-will thought".

 

So by turning off either one they go away. When your unconscious mind wakes up you become conscious. This is key. But to get there you have to stop all the intent from its usual flow. We will get into this some other time, probably after mastering it ourselves.

 

You can also turn it off by not creating any assumptions. I used to think I was the most logical person on the planet, until careful scrutiny revealed illogical I was - and that I was compulsively illogical. It is hard to see this on the surface because on the surface we are steered by our feelings to believe we are being logical. 

 

It is a good idea to replay your thoughts and conclusions about your experiences in life to see how they look - ask yourself how clearly you defined your conclusions, and whether they were really correct. Do it from a third person perspective.

 

This is the only way to really see what's happening in your mind. It is clear to me that someone who is careful about his or her own conclusions about things will be more conscious, more free, and more Human.

 

Now for the scary part. The unconscious mind is programmable - but you are not always the programmer. Since it is created and maintained by subtle unobvious leveraged indirections it is easily programmed by someone on the outside by influencing those subtleties. 

There are thousands of ways in which someone can influence these subtleties without you realizing what is really going on. 

 

Look for this in political speeches - it is there and it appears to be intentional process where the conscious and unconscious activity is simultaneous. The bulk of the programming occurred when you were between the ages of 0-7. 

 

A lot of the programming occurs under stress and trauma. So when you have significant values, beliefs and behaviors that developed under significant trauma, they are normally with you for life. These patterns need to be deliberately erased otherwise they will not disappear on their own.

 

Consciousness refers to awareness. So when you know or are aware of something, you are conscious of it. This conscious awareness is achieved through your sense organs. Your eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste, and kinesthetic sensations are used to think, form judgments, and make decisions.

 

If you are truly in charge of your life, you can live your life on your terms. You can do what it takes to experience the level of health, wealth and financial ability that you wish to achieve. If not, you are struggling with default programming. You are not truly running your mind.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

So how do you unleash your creative thinking? Well, the first thing is to become a human leech. No, we're not talking about just sucking the blood out of every living being available, we're saying that you should take in as much knowledge and learning you can find. 

Read everything available -- good and bad, and keep your mind open to the infinite possibilities of the universe. The more you know, the more you'll want to know, and the more your faculty of wonder will be exercised. Prepare to be amazed at little facts that add a bit of colour into your life.  

Focus on a creative activity every day. Yes, it's an effort. Even doodling is a creative activity. Don't let anything hinder you. If  you are just starting out to unleash a little bit of creative thinking in your lives, it is helpful and encouraging to have concrete evidence, that, "hey, what I'm doing is getting somewhere." So why don't you try it. 

Practice drawing for a couple of minutes each day. Bring out your old camera and start snapping photos like crazy. Keep a journal and make a point to write in it religiously. Another cool idea is to write by describing something with your five senses. 

Try to avoid vague adjectives like "marvellous," "amazing," and "delicious." Before you know it, you'll have built yourself a tiny portfolio, and you'll be amazed at the growth you've undertaken after amassing all those works of art. Who knows, you might actually take to liking those things you do every day. Pretty soon those things will become a part of you and you'll be addicted to these creative exercises.

Think out of the box -- or don't. Sometimes, constraints are actually a good thing. Limitations discipline you to work within your means. It enables you to be more resourceful. Creative freedom is great, but limitations enforce discipline.

Try something new every day and let your experiences broaden your perspective. Explore a new district in your neighbour hood. Spend an afternoon in a museum to which you've never been before. Chat up someone on the bus. Open up to the people around you. 

As you thrust yourself out of your comfort zone more and more each day, your sense of adventure grows and so does your zest for life. Think about it. When was the last time you did something for the first time? If it's been a while, I tell you, you've been missing out on a whole lot of experiences that could've added to your growth, emotionally, mentally, physically, or spiritually. 

Why don't you try bungee jumping today? Not only will you learn, but you will also have plenty of stories to share, enabling you to practice your storytelling skills and making you the life of the party. 

Embrace insanity. No, not to the point of practically admitting yourself into the mental ward. As John Russell once said, "Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting." Exactly! Every creative thought was once deemed insane by other "normal" people at one time or another. Luckily, that didn't stop the creative geniuses from standing by them. The thing is, sanity or being normal confines people to think... well, normally. Within limits. 

Creativity is essentially breaking through barriers. Yes, this includes the bizarre and the downright strange. I'm not saying that you yourself should develop a creative personality. That might go haywire.

The subconscious mind is a powerful force. It has it’s own unique way of perceiving the world. What is really happening around you is less important than what your subconscious mind thinks is happening. In other words, your perception is your reality. 

Whatever it perceives to be a problem, it will remedy. It will solve that problem for you – whether you are aware of that problem or not. One way of having creative breakthroughs is after you have defined the problem clearly, taken in as much information as you can, you sleep on it. When you wake up, your subconscious has arrived at the answer.

None is more famous than August Kekule's somnolent vision of a snake biting its tail, a dream that supposedly revealed the true structure of the benzene ring to the German chemist. 

Have you had that experience when all of a sudden you just had this huge hunch that something is about to happen, and to your surprise, that intuition was eventually translated to reality? 

When you feel strongly about something without logical basis to it, that's called intuition. 

They say only a number of people are gifted with intuition Sensing clearly is basically what we refer to as "hunch" or "gut feel." This is the time when you are overwhelmed with a feeling and you can't explain it and all you can say is "I just know."

Astrologers even insist that people born under the Scorpio or Pisces signs are naturally intuitive it almost borders on E.S.P. But studies have been sprouting left and right that proclaim that anyone can develop intuition.

Why the need to develop intuition, you ask? Why not let your emotional and psychological state as it is? First and foremost, intuition promotes good communication. It makes you more sensitive to the people around you; it often keeps you from hurting those you love because you are intuitive enough to understand them. 

Intuition also makes you far more creative than ever. Intuition means releasing more creative juices for any means of expression. Lastly, intuition has a healing power. This healing power is not in the physical sense, but in delving deep into your soul to eradicate some negative energy buried in it.

With that being said, are you ready to develop your intuition? Here are some ways to unlock this gift:

 

Oh yes, get yourself hypnotized. Hypnosis is not limited to watching a pendulum move back and forth. Perform self-hypnosis or you can avail of hypnotic programs that can strengthen your intuition.

 

Meditating means finding peace in yourself. If your mind and heart are cluttered with too many baggage and hurt, you wouldn't be able to quiet down that part of you that could eventually initiate intuition. There are so many ways to meditate: take a yoga class, or just simply practice some breathing that could bring you straight to Zen.

A worry-free, fear-free state could do so much to improve your intuitive ability. By staying positive, you attract good energy that would be able to easily recognize imminent feelings and events.

 

What does this mean? If you are on the brink of making a huge decision, let go of all the inhibitions and head to a quiet place where you could find out where the letting go has brought you. Sometimes you just have to listen to the voice within you, and that voice wouldn't come out unless you let go.

 

After letting go of the inhibitions and all those things that stop you from thinking and feeling clearly, never expect for an answer right away. Never expect that the "hunch" would fall on your lap immediately. Give it a little time then you'd just get surprised that -- wham! -- now you have your answer.

When you see someone for the first time and think that he is a bit too arrogant for your taste, chances are that impression actually holds true. Most of the time, first impressions are brought by intuition.

 

See? All you need to be intuitive is to stay happy! Happiness attracts immense power and such power includes intuition. In tapping your intuition, your motivation must be happiness and contentment. Given that premise, intuition will fall to you easily. 

Intuition is helpful, because sometimes it leads you to something that cannot be achieved otherwise. A lot of lives have been saved by intuition alone. Decisions are easier done if armed by this gift. Develop intuition now and reap benefits you have never imagined. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

 

It will not be easy though.  You will have to come out of your comfort zones to discover potentials and opportunities waiting for you.  You have to conquer your fear and take calculated risks. You have to stay focused and persevere despite the difficulties you will encounter.

 

Success does not come easy.  It takes heart, passion and time. Experience is also a factor. The learning you get on your journey becomes your foundation. 

 

You have to work harder, dig deeper, and sacrifice more to attain your ambitions. But no, you do not have to hate the world and feel bad when you encounter difficult situations.  Just remember the Law of Attraction. Whatever you focus on you attract.

 

Play to your mental and emotional strengths. Not everyone believes this but you only discover your true emotional and mental strengths when the chips are down.

 

Emotions dominate our actions and reactions, even though we do not want it to happen sometimes. Society often sees emotions as a sign of weakness, so people are used to putting them aside and focusing on the rational aspects instead. 

 

No matter how strict and logical you may be, you will always feel. One way or another, someone or something will get through to you.

 

Positive emotions are a lifelong goal for many of us concerned about emotional health and self- improvement. What is more important; the amount of money you made during your life or the times you laughed out of sheer joy? 

 

Neurologically one negative feeling needs between three to five positive feelings to neutralise it. People tend to put their positive emotions behind their negative feelings. This is one of the biggest problems that people come across during their lives. There is no clear way to ignore a negative experience and try to replace it with a positive one. Life just does not work that way.

 

For example, when you were a child, if your pet dog dies, you would be heartbroken. Your parents will probably buy you another dog but the sorrow is still there. 

 

Things get even more complex when you become an adult. A fight with your spouse the night before will affect your entire day. You will go to work angry, tired, and your mind will wander. On the way home from work you will not notice the sun shining and you would not be tempted to stop at a roadside stand to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables. 

 

All this because that one negative thought has contaminated the way you perceive the reality around you. In this moment you will realise finding a safe place to relax your mind will do wonders for your emotional and mental state.

 

That place is relatively easy to find. It can be an actual place or an imaginary location. The best idea is to totally immerse yourself in it. Let us say you have a problem on your mind and it just would not go away. Go bowling. Do not know how? Just give it a shot. 

 

Get caught up in the game. Your mind will drift away from the negative thoughts that dominated your last hours or days and start processing a whole new kind of information.

 

A safe haven can take many forms. It can be a song, a movie, even a person or animal. The main thing is allow yourself to get completely immersed in this new activity. You might still get flashes of the problem every now and then. Ignore it and get even more absorbed in what you are doing.

 

When the bowling game, the song, or the movie ends you will abruptly return to reality. You will probably want to retreat back to the safe place. Do not do it. The safe place exists only as a helping hand, not as a long term solution to your life's problems. It serves only as a form of therapy. 

 

You will return from your safe zone with an increased energy level. You will feel better about yourself and gain more confidence. You will see that any issue can begin to be resolved. This is how a small escape from a harsh reality can improve your emotional and mental health. Take the time to replenish yourself daily.

 

You can use self-hypnosis to enter your safe place. Self hypnosis is a great tool for goal setting and self modulation. Most people are surprised at how easy it is to learn self-hypnosis. And self-hypnosis, in turn, makes a lot of things much easier. 

 

Self hypnosis is usually thought of as a person listening to an audio tape, mp3, or other mass-produced media, intended to induce a willingness to absorb suggestions centred around a specific topic such as weight loss, stop smoking, etc. 

 

Unfortunately, this kind of hypnosis is generally prepared by someone who has never met the person being hypnotised, often presenting unwanted, even unpleasant imagery and suggestions.

 

For example, if you sunburn easily, that last thing you want to hear about is a slow walk on a sunny beach. In this case, the "self" in self hypnosis simply means that you listen to it by yourself. How do you design a great hypnotic script?

 

A great self- hypnotic script would necessarily be designed and created by the very person who will ultimately use and benefit from it. 

 

Unlike the mass-produced hypnotic tapes, this hypnotic script is made for the exact purpose you wish, including the precise words and phrases that mean the most to you.

 

So true self hypnosis is thus crafted by the person to suit his or her own needs. The benefits derived could only be accomplished with such a personal, one-of-a-kind hypnosis. In this case, the "self" in self hypnosis really does mean that you hypnotise yourself! 

 

Below is a short view of the self hypnotic process. Though lots of variations of this method have been used, these are the basic steps you have to go through in order to hypnotise yourself to accomplish self improvement.

 

1. Position your goals from the most important goal to the less important. If possible, your goals should be measurable. 

 

2. For each goal, you should formulate fitting suggestions which means you have to convert your goals into specific instructions to your subconscious mind on how to achieve each goal. 

 

3. Relaxation. Use the first minutes of your self hypnotic session to get as relaxed as possible. 

 

4. Start your hypnotic initiation phase by saying and repeating out loud the hypnotic words you have chosen, thinking of these words or listening to a hypnotic tape or CD customised for your hypnotic and goal fulfilment needs. 

 

5. Apply the hypnotic suggestions you have made for reaching the specific goal you work with, say them out loud, think them or use a tailored hypnotic tape or CD. 

 

Before you start up your self hypnotic exercises you should make a time schedule for it. Do your hypnotic sessions every day, five minutes a day is enough. Repeat your suggestions as often as possible during the day. Keep a diary so that you can keep track of your progress. 

Some steps to think about on your journey towards your designed life. 

 

1. Learn to be thankful for your current situation. See all the positive sides of life. Be enthusiastic. Be thankful for your boss, your co-workers, your family, your friends, and even strangers that you meet on the streets. Think of what they are teaching you. 

 

It may not be easy, but nothing is impossible with a strong will power. Maintain your perspective so that you can keep moving on to your dreams.

 

2. Balance is the key. Dream and take some positive action to move you toward your goals. Take it one step at a time.  

While you are slowly starting on the long journey to success, be patient and be as enthusiastic as possible.  Do not hurry up too much that you totally forget how to enjoy life. Appreciate the beautiful things you will encounter on the journey.

 

One day, you will finally attain what you have always longed for.  But when that day comes, do not look down on those who belittled you. Forgive and forget.

 

3. Stay humble. Do not criticise others when you see that you are becoming more successful than they are. Try to help them.  Inject your positive aura into their personalities.  When you give, you will yield back equal or greater rewards.

 

4. Are you ready to begin the journey?  Start it with the courage and desire to improve your life. Survive and go through it with persistence, enthusiasm, and positive thinking.  Finish it with a resounding bang of accomplishment and with the desire to help others succeed as well.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

 

Let’s try an experiment…

Keep listening… but breathe deep, relax, and just let your mind open up to the words that follow.

 

Good. 

 

Imagine you’re in a crowded room, packed wall-to-wall and overflowing with your most perfect customers. It’s a festive occasion, with plenty of mingling and little groups chatting about this, that, and other things.
 
 You hear music playing. People laughing. The tinkle of glasses and rattle of ice as drinks are served and consumed.
 
 Not really caring, you pick a small cluster and approach. They’re laughing over something… doesn’t matter what…and as you draw near a couple heads turn to notice.

 

“Hello,” you say, “mind if I crash this party?”

 

Everyone smiles as bodies shift to welcome you closer.

 

“So,” says a tall, elegant woman, “tell us about…you.”

 

Now… at this moment… with all eyes and ears upon you…what do you say?

Even more critical… what message does every fiber of your being communicate to those there around you?

 

Not merely the words you use, but the presence you command…
 
 Regardless of whether you realise it or not, with every action you take and every word you use – you communicate precisely  what it is that makes YOU uniquely YOU.

 

And even if you don’t understand THAT completely, doesn’t it make sense for your success to take the time to learn how  best to leverage those aspects of your personality to create the most compelling… indeed, the most UNIQUE presence you can?

 

You bet it does. You bet it matters to your business. Big time. 

 

A lot of personal branding advice is about putting yourself out there so that others see you as an expert on a subject.

But what do you do when you’re just starting out in your field and don’t feel that you have a ton of expertise or unique information to share?  What if you’re not a MIT professor on behavioral economics, or a CEO of a wildly successful start-up, or someone who has spent 15 years excelling in their  field?  What if you’re just a perfectly ordinary person who happens to be interested in a particular industry and wants to get a leg-up on others who are competing for the same job?

Simple – spend your time learning about what is going on in your field.  Read books and blogs, subscribe to scholarly journals (or go read them at the library), listen to webinars, and go to learning events, especially conferences.  Do everything you can to stay up to date, and find relevant information.

Then, use that to start branding yourself. Here’s how:

First, write about what you’ve learned.
Every time you read/learn/see something interesting, take an hour or so afterwards to write down your take on it (on a blog is best).  Share what you found most thought-provoking, or a lesson that you’ll apply to your own life, or a personal story about a time you saw what you learned about actually happens.  Pass on good information that you’ve learned, while adding your own personal touches.

That’s how a business expert I know got her start.  She knew a lot about her field, but was completely flustered about starting her own blog. She had no idea where to even start.  So she started off her blog by combing the Internet for other experts’ work, and then responded to it.  Doing that for the first couple months helped her find her voice and then she was off.  Now she’s a respected business speaker, with a popular book and a booming business.

This works for newbies in the field as well. Even if you don’t have expertise to share, you’re sharing that you are a passionate learner.

Then, use what you find as a connection tool.
When you’re spending tons of time learning about what is going on in your field, you’re probably finding some interesting stuff!  So use that to advance your personal brand.  Keep a database of interesting resources AND a database of people whom you want to impress with your personal brand.  Make sure you keep track of what they’re interested in – and what their concerns and needs are.  Then, when you see something in your research that you know they’ll find interesting, email them a link to it with a short note.  This works especially well after you just met someone at a networking event, especially if you can find something relevant to the conversation you had with them.

For example, if you were talking to someone about leadership, you might send them a link to a recent TEDx talk by behavioral economist Dan Ariely about what motivates people to take action.  Or to a recent article in Fortune about how exposing employees to the actual customers who will buy a company’s products can be a powerful motivator to get employees more engaged in their work.

Do this for a couple reasons.  First, if it’s an interesting article that is relevant to the person you want to connect with, they’ll probably be glad to receive it.  And, judging by how busy most people are in today’s workplace – it’s highly likely that they haven’t had the time to spend time browsing through current articles about their field.  So, not only are you demonstrating that you are someone who is paying a lot of attention to that field, you’re helping them by sending them articles they probably wouldn’t have seen otherwise.  And finally, it’s a great way to signal to that person that you’re someone who is bringing something to the relationship (instead of just being concerned about “what’s in it for me?”)

If you’re just starting out, people don’t expect you to have the expertise of someone who has spent decades excelling in their field.  But what they want to see is someone who has a lot of passion for that field, and who is doing whatever they can to learn as much as possible.

Employers want to hire people who are passionate about their work and who are eager to learn. So brand yourself as someone who is enthusiastic about the subject you’re interested in and work on gaining the knowledge that will make you an expert (in the future).  And in the meantime, use the knowledge you’re gaining to cement relationships with the people who can help you get where you want to be.

By now you know how valuable it is to build a brand that establishes you as a Expert within your market. Developing your Expert brand status will help you bring in more business, allow you to charge higher rates, and make it easier to retain clients and customers. I am going to cover five simple tactics that you can put in place to help you enhance your personal brand status.

 

1) Make the right impression with a strong business card. Your business card plays an important role in formulating the first impression that you create. So it’s important that your card positions you in the right light. That doesn’t necessarily mean a card that is flashy or dramatic—but your business card should represent the brand you’re building.

 

2) Demonstrate your knowledge via social media. Social media platforms like LinkedIn, Twitter, and Facebook give you the opportunity to demonstrate your expertise to the world. Share articles that are relevant to your audience. Provide insight and analysis of breaking news concerning your market. This approach provides value to your audience while reinforcing your expertise at the same time.

 

3) Use your email signature to build your brand. Many of you send hundreds of emails each week. So why not brand this interaction, each and every time? You can do this with your email signature, which should summarize your points of differentiation while reinforcing your brand. Include a logo as well, if possible.

 

4) Dress the part. If you’re branding yourself as a high-powered lawyer, showing up in a badly worn suit that hasn’t been dry-cleaned in a month won’t work. Similarly, if your brand is a personable, friendly, laid-back retirement advisor, the flashy suit doesn’t fit. Dress appropriately for the brand you are developing!

 

5) Donate your expertise. Finally, one of the best ways to demonstrate your expertise and reinforce your brand is to find causes or charities to get involved in. This gives you the opportunity to utilize your abilities while working for a great cause at the same time. 

 

Building your personal brand is the one thing that guarantees your longevity at work or even in your business because no one can take it away from you. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

I don’t say this lightly, and here’s why…
 I’m sure it’s not news to you that your health and your thoughts are connected. 
 Today, an entire field of study is devoted to studying this mind/body connection.
 
 Researchers continue to find links between diseases and emotions. Just consider how your blood pressure rises when you’re upset or anxious. Inflammation and infections such as herpes flare up when you’re under emotional stress.
 
 And it’s not just the small stuff. Negative emotions and limiting beliefs can impact survival…
 A study reported in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that women with metastatic breast cancer lived longer once they improved symptoms of depression.
 
That’s why it really important to eliminate all those pesky limiting beliefs that could be sabotaging your health and keeping you sick or hurting. In many cases, you could have these beliefs without you even realizing it.
 
Limiting beliefs could be things like:

“I’m too OLD to enjoy a pain-free life.”
 
Or…
 
“There’s no cure for MY health condition. It will never go away.”
 
Or…
 
“An active, energy-filled life is for OTHER people — not me.”
 
Remember, you may not even know you have these limiting beliefs.
 
You don't manifest what you want, you manifest what you believe. So it's important to get rid of those beliefs that don’t serve you — and replace them with positive and empowering beliefs.
 
That’s where awareness and  meditation comes in…
 
And this doesn’t just help you with your health.
 
This will also help you overcome limiting beliefs related to money, relationships, career, and other key areas of your life.
 
Isn’t it time to drop some of that heavy “baggage” in the form of those limiting beliefs?

Looking back at my life, I could say that I had been involved in education in some capacity for many years. It probably started when my family told me to tutor my brother in mathematics when I was fourteen and he was thirteen. Needless to say, I was abysmally unaware of learning theories, methodologies or approaches. My only approach was to appeal to his vanity and self-esteem by suggesting, "How come you do not know something as simple as this?".

My brother and I really get on well with each other now. But he told me later that he hated that one year I was teaching him mathematics. His life-long ambition was to make sure that I would never have to teach him Mathematics again. 

If you measure the effectiveness of a teacher by results, you could say I was a great teacher (sic) because my brother's grades in Mathematics became far superior to mine. For the next 4 years his grades in Mathematics were always ten marks ahead of mine. He made it to college  and to university on the strength of his Mathematics alone.

About more than thirty years  I was relief teaching in a co-ed school for six months. Having been in an all boys secondary school, it was a little bit of a culture shock when I was teaching there. I was given two classes to look after. One was one of the 'good' classes and the other was a supposedly 'incorrigible' class. The words in quotes is how the other teacher referred to these classes.

The students in the 'good' class did all the right things. They were also well behaved. However their capacity for lateral thinking was not significant  I was simply a pace holder for them. I was also not their class teacher. 

The 'incorrigible' students by contrast were alive, street smart and capable in every arena except school work. I found this really strange until I asked one of them what had happened. He basically told me that every year, their class teacher had reiterated how incapable they were.

I admit that when I first heard this I felt, angry, frustrated and betrayed that their teachers had "brainwashed" them into a state of deep inadequacy. On the other hand, it may have felt overwhelming for a teacher to manage a high energy class.

 I was only 24 and I felt deeply that the class had been wronged. I felt they needed a motivation boost. I felt that the job of an educator was to inspire, motivate and encourage learners to get excited about learning and stretch themselves.

I got the chance when they had a class test. Being street smart, they already knew that if they failed the test, they would be re-tested. I would have to give them the model answers and they would mostly pass. The school required that I plot a  grade point curve, so I decided  to do something very innovative. Remember this was about thirty- one years ago when open book tests were not common.

I gave the class the test paper and said anyone caught cheating would be suspended. Then I took out a book and read while the class turned it into an open book test. They were greatly tickled by what they thought off as pulling one over me. I still had the suitable grade curve when I marked their papers. That was probably the one time they actually read their text books. I felt I was actually making a difference 

Six months after I left the school, I accidentally met the vice-principle who had hired me.  She asked me in amazement what I had done for the class, because in the history of the school that was the first time, the class passed their final year examinations. 

This left an indelible impression on me on the power of educators to influence their students and build their self-esteem and move them closer to self-actualization by getting into rapport with them. In the end the students taught me more about motivation, self-esteem, being passionate about learning and getting learners intrigued then any educator I ever knew. 

I also realized that these experiences as well as my earlier challenges always had me rooting for the underdog. I refused to give in, give up. I realised that so long as you can do that, you never lose. Victory could be just one step away.

Did you know that stress and emotional pain is NOT caused by external issues, but by the battle between who you really are and the narrative you've been brainwashed to accept?

Just like the students had been brainwashed into believing they were not capable.

Did you know financial problems are NOT caused by a lack of what's coming to you, but a lack of what you're allowing to come THROUGH you?

The truth is most people allow themselves to be conditioned by family, friends, and society, to believe that…

...they're not enough, don't have enough, or need something outside of themselves in order to be “complete.”

Because of this, it’s scary to own our power and purpose -- but the truth is we must take a stand for ourselves and take back control of our destiny!

If you’re tired of making excuses for why you can’t be who you truly are and fulfil the purpose for which you came here, please keep listening

I almost gave up on myself 10 years ago, and it took a near-death experience to finally snap me out of that cycle and discover the true path to fulfilling my purpose…
 
 And after working with tens of thousands of people around the world, seeing this discovery work for people in all cultures, countries, facing all manner of obstacles… I have realised that you can reach deep inside to find a meaning and purpose that will transform you.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

3) Distortion:  This process is the basis for creativity. It creates great artist and poets you do Creative things with their imagination like Picasso and his Cubist style of painting.
 
 On the other hand, it can also lead to major issues. One person's model of accuracy is another's model of obsessive compulsive attention to detail.
 

4) Projection: Whatever secret fears and anxieties you have, you deny having them. You ascribe it to the people around you.
 
 You are an anxious person but you cannot accept it. Your cab driver looks at you and asks you if everything is fine and you conclude your cab driver is anxious.
 
 So all these processes deletion, distortion and generalization and to a lesser extent projection will determine what we allow into our world. In that sense they are filters. They end up forming our values, biases and beliefs.
 
 On the other hand, based on those processes we will also design a future where all our biases, beliefs and values are validated. If that is so you cannot appreciably design a future that is very different from the past.

 Based on these processes you design on an unconscious basis a story about yourself called the script. After a while this script is so much a part of you and so real to you that you will call it “Your Real Life Story”. The problem is that makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Split-brain experiments reveal a fascinating phenomenon in the left side of your brain - and that phenomenon is affecting your life right now! When the connections between

the two sides of your brain are interrupted their different tendencies  come to the surface. 

 

The left side of your brain wants to find a reason for why things happen - even in the face of scant or conflicting information. It’s like an explanation factory where quantity

is more important than quality! 

 

This tendency to form conclusions in the face of scant or conflicting information is especially important when you’re under stress because that’s when you tend most strongly

toward an unthinking, habitual style of thinking, feeling and behaving - and most of us tilt negative.

 

Problems seem bigger, the world seems meaner, and you have good reasons to justify your conclusions! You need to realize this is happening and  then you can take proactive

steps to  improve your life.

 

 

As a teen, Richard Feyman, Nobel Prize winning physicist, worked one summer for the Metaplast Corporation.

 

The company was started to metal-plate plastics and they needed a chemist.

 

This was back around the Great Depression. Plastics and related technologies weren't what they were today.

 

You could say they sorta, kinda, sometimes knew what they were doing.   ;-)

 

Their biggest problem was getting the metal-plating to actually stay on the plastic.  

 

Often it wouldn't, and they didn't know why.

 

But their salesperson wasn't bothered by facts. He'd go out and promise all sorts of things that Metaplast would then try to fulfill.  With mixed results.

 

Now, one day some folks at the company decided to run full page ads in Modern Plastics magazine. The ads featured stunning photos of their best work.

 

What you couldn't see in such a photo, Feynman relates in Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman, is how long the plating would actually stick.

 

Anyway, he spent the summer helping them improve their processes. But the entire chemistry lab there was just him: a college student on summer break.

 

 

A few years later, I was in Los Alamos, where there was a man named Frederic de Hoffman, who was a sort of scientist...

 

One day we were eating at the Fuller Lodge, and he told me that he had been working in England before coming to Los Alamos.

 

"What kind of work were you doing there?" I asked.

 

"I was working on a process for metal-plating plastics. I was one of the guys in the laboratory."

 

"How did it go?"

 

"It was going pretty well, but we had our problems. Just as we were beginning to develop our process, there was a company in New York called Metaplast Corporation. They were developed further than we were."

 

"How could you tell?"

 

"They were advertising all the time in Modern Plastics with full page ads showing all the things they could plate, and we realized they were further along that we were."

 

"Did you have any stuff from them?"

 

"No, but you could tell from the ads that they were way ahead... it was no use trying to compete with an American process like that."

 

"How many chemists did you have working in the lab?"

 

"We had six chemists working."

 

"How many do you think the Metaplast Corporation had?"

 

"Oh! They must have had a real chemistry department! ...I would guess they must have had twenty-five or fifty chemists, and a chief research chemist with his own office... guys coming in all the time with research projects they're doing, getting his advice and rushing off to do more research... How the hell could we compete with them?"

 

Then Feynman revealed:

 

"You'll be interested and amused to know that you are now talking to the chief research chemist for the Metaplast Corporation, whose staff consisted of one bottle-washer!"

 

Metaplast wasn't any better than de Hoffman's English company. On the contrary.

 

They were just louder, so loud their competitors surrendered before the battle even began.

 

The fact is, we are our own worst enemies - as long as we stay inside our own heads.

 

How many times have you looked at others and felt "Wow, I'm so far behind, I'll never catch up!"

 

It's a lie you're telling yourself!  You're not seeing the whole picture.  ( Oh that Metaplast Corporation?  They went out of business after taking on a big job that they really couldn't handle.)

 

Take a conscious look at your explanatory style - how you make sense of a stressful event. This conscious exploration can affect your resilience to stress, your happiness and

your productivity! 

 

What are three reasons the more positive perspective might be equally true as your original conclusion

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

To overcome our psychological aversion to uncomfortable tasks, one way is to make the threshold for getting started quite low” and just getting started. Often starting a task is the biggest hurdle.

For example, “A real mood boost comes from doing what we intend to do—the things that are important to us”. Knowing this, we can reason that although getting started might feel uncomfortable, we’re likely to feel much better once the task is done. Compare the mood boost of having done what you intended to do, to the disappointment and frustration of dealing with the consequences of procrastination later.

In fact, research shows that progress—no matter how small—can be a huge motivator to help us keep going.

My favorite trick for getting into a task I’m dreading, is to start with the mindset. I start by just thinking about the task for a while, until I’m drawn in and can’t help working on it.

If it’s a writing task, I might pull up the draft I need to edit and just sit and read over it. Soon I’ll find myself changing a word here and there, or fixing typos. Then I’ll think of a whole sentence I want to add. And suddenly I’m well into the task, without really pushing myself to do so.

Since negative emotions are the cause of our procrastination, what if we could manage our negative emotions while working? Behavioral economist Dan Ariely calls this method reward substitution, while Katherine Milkman, also a behavioral economist, calls it temptation bundling.

Reward substitution, as described by Ariely, is essentially getting yourself to do the right thing for the wrong reason. The reason this works is because, according to Ariely, humans aren’t wired to care about things that will happen far into the future. While it would be in our best interests to think about the future, we’re focused on what makes us feel good now. This makes it hard to do unpleasant things which would benefit us in the future.

When my work directly affects others, I find it much harder to accept the consequences of procrastinating.

To put this into practice, you could ask a friend or colleague to help you get started on something you’ve been putting off. Having someone else work with you can stave off the boredom and loneliness that make working alone a drag. And having someone else invested in the work can give you extra motivation to get it finished, even if they’re not around the whole time you’re working on it.

This can be particularly helpful when you’re stressed. Research has shown discussing your feelings of stress with someone else in a similar emotional state can ease your feelings of stress. So if you’re working with other people and you’re all worried about an upcoming deadline, try discussing the situation rather than internalizing your own concerns.

Although Ariely says we’re geared to think about now, and not the future, some studies have shown encouraging people to imagine the future can help them make better decisions now.

You can also think of it as  “time travel”. Consider imagining as vividly as possible the idea of living on your current retirement savings, if saving for retirement is something you’ve been putting off.

Unfortunately, we may procrastinate on this task itself, which is called second-order procrastination—procrastinating on tasks that would help us overcome our procrastination. There are also concerns that the emotional reaction of the time travel method, which helps spur us into action, may wear off over time.

Making the task of time travel more concrete can help its effectiveness. you can look  at a digitally aged photograph which can help you more effectively imagine yourself in the future, thus helping you make better decisions.

Another way to use this method is to realistically imagine how you’ll feel tomorrow, if you’re trying the old “I’ll feel like doing this tomorrow” excuse. It’s highly unlikely we will feel more motivated tomorrow so time traveling may help us realise this, and stop relying on the “tomorrow” excuse.

Have you ever tried to trick yourself to get your work done? I tried this many times—my favorite approach was to pretend my deadline was actually today, not tomorrow, so I’d get started earlier.

Science backs me up here. Researchers found external deadlines work better than deadlines we impose on ourselves.

Another study of procrastination found reframing the task itself, rather than adjusting its deadline, was effective in helping procrastinators get to work. Participants in this study were asked to complete a puzzle, but were allowed to play Tetris for a while first.

When the puzzle was described as “cognitive evaluation”, procrastinators spent more time playing Tetris and avoiding the puzzle. When the puzzle was introduced as a game, however, the chronic procrastinators in the study got sucked into the puzzle as quickly as anyone else.

You might not always be able to convince yourself that your work is a game, but look for ways to reframe it.

If you can’t stop procrastinating, the good news is you can use this “bad” habit to your advantage. “Structured procrastination” is a clever way to stay productive even while you procrastinate.

John Perry wrote about this technique at structuredprocrastination.com, calling it “an amazing strategy I have discovered that converts procrastinators into effective human beings, respected and admired for all that they can accomplish and the good use they make of time”.  According to Perry, the key to understanding structured procrastination is recognising “that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing”.

Here’s how it works: next time you feel the urge to procrastinate, go for it. Avoid that Big Scary Task that makes you feel really uncomfortable. But instead of spending time on Reddit or watching Netflix, work on something else productive. Choose anything else from your task list, and spend your time procrastinating by working on a less important or urgent task that makes you feel less uncomfortable.

Although this doesn’t stop the Big Scary Task from needing to be done, it does assuage some of the guilt that comes from procrastination, because you’re actually spending your time productively.

Perry also makes an important note: as self-aware procrastinators, we tend to cut down our to do lists. We know we’re not good at getting things done, so we think having fewer things to do will help. According to Perry, this goes against our nature as procrastinators. “The few tasks on [your] list will be by definition the most important,” he says, “and the only way to avoid doing them will be to do nothing. This is a way to become a couch potato, not an effective human being”.

Some people  uses timers when they struggling with procrastination.

Sets a timer for 30 minutes. During that time you stay focused on your work. When the timer goes off, you set it again for 10 minutes, and reward yourself with a fun activity like blogging, reading emails, or checking RSS feeds. You could substitute YouTube videos, chatting with friends, or reading a book.

After 10 minutes, you reset your 30-minute timer and get back to work.

This method only works if you’re willing to stick to the timer schedule, so try to be really strict when you first try it out. And make that reward something you really look forward to, so you’re willing to stay focused in-between the 10-minute breaks.

A 2010 study of university freshman found that participants who forgave themselves after procrastinating on studying for the first exam in a course were less likely to procrastinate on studying for later exams. The researchers believe forgiving yourself for procrastinating can help you overcome negative feelings about the work you’ve put off in the past, so you can more easily approach future tasks.

Researchers involved in the study , found self-forgiveness is “typically accompanied by a vow to change one’s behavior in the future,” which makes it more likely that we’ll procrastinate less after forgiving ourselves for procrastinating in the past. They also noted that the self-forgiveness effect is most noticeable in students who reported high levels of procrastination on their first exam. This is probably because “low levels of procrastination are unlikely to be perceived as having had much of an effect on one’s performance,” and therefore require less self-forgiveness.

When your confronting a daunting task, procrastination can seem almost inevitable. It’s not something most people can just decide to stop doing through sheer force of will. But understanding why we’re prone to procrastination and how to work with that habit, or around it, can help us avoid the worst consequences of avoiding work.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

I never quite understood or appreciated that not everyone felt the same way or had the same urgency about life.

If I was the busy ant, most people lived like the grasshoppers in the endless summer of their lives. There was never any need to prepare for tomorrow and there would always be time for everything they wanted to do. 

Apparently in some cultures they use symbols or icons like a plastic or ceramic skull that denote  a memento mori, meaning “remember death.” People often used to have something to remind them of death, so they’d make more of life.

It’s thought to come from a Roman tradition: when a victorious general was parading through town, a servant would walk behind him, whispering in his ear: “Look behind you! Remember that you are but a man! Remember that you will die!”

All kinds of artwork have been inspired by this idea over time (and some of them would make excellent tattoos).

The purpose of these memento moris was to remind you: every day, you’re closer to death. Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your life.

I had a close friend and client. We had gone to school together. He had also done my personal development programs. He consistently put other people in his life first. His ex-wife, his children and his brother. He put himself last.

I finally told my friend that he needed to do significant emotional work about his relationships with people. That it would take one year. If he chose not to do this, it would have serious repercussions on his future. He told me that it sounded too painful to do that type of work. 

Fast forward five years later. His brother defaulted on his bank loan. The banks foreclosed on the loan. Since my friend was the guarantor of the loan, they went after him. In one year’s time he would have achieved financial freedom for life. Instead one year from that he was declared bankrupt. 

He then came in to do some emotional healing, too little, too late   He got very stressed and a latent heart problem activated and became life threatening. He needed surgery to carry on. Fortunately he survived the surgery.

My father by contrast started off with no illness, but by dint of 30 years of smoking, drinking and overworking developed obesity, hypertension, diabetes, heart disease and cancer in that order. For twenty years I went on after him to change his ways and having worked as a pharmacist, his answer was that his symptoms were ‘perfectly” controlled by his drugs and his obesity was not a problem. 

When I went after him about his weight for twenty years, he kept telling me that the drugs controlled his symptoms "perfectly". Only at 69 when he had just recovered the night before from a heart attack and he was terrified, he asked me what he could do and I said, "You have run out of time". He died three years later. He woke up to the peril too late.

We should be mindful of our choices. For instance, the assumption that sugary drinks offer any benefit or are harmless choices for ourselves and our children, is simply programming we got as a child — and there are several others, pertaining to food, that we received. This is true about

food; now think about the conditioning about the work ethic, being able to say “No”, etc., that we were also subjected to.

 

Then one day you wake up asking yourself “Where does this extra ten or twenty kilos come from?”, “Why am I finding it difficult to love my spouse?”, “Why am I living here or in this job?”, or “Why do I feel like something is missing?” or "Why am I having this heart attack?"

 

If you continued like you are doing now, would you feel fulfilled 5 years in the future? Or do you need a rapid reality check on where you are going in your life?

A few years ago before I formalized “The Life by Design” model, I was working on my schedule for the forth coming  year.  I thought I had a really good plan, but remembered that one year earlier I had the same thought but I had grossly over committed. So I looked at my plan again and broke it down into the number of hours and realized that I had under estimated how much time and resources I needed. I needed 500 more hours that year. 

That was a major wake up call. I felt really desperate because so many things were riding on me. The current businesses, the future projects, my staff. I felt exhausted. I felt there had to be another way.  It took 3 months to reconfigure everything. It took another 6 months to implement and change all the ways of thinking about managing time, energy and resources that I had been doing for the last forty years.  Once I did, and I got everyone in my companies on board ,everything changed.  

Suddenly I had time to exercise, go on movie dates with my wife once a month instead of twice a year. I could exercise nearly every day. Plus our companies became more profitable. That was the point at which I decided that I would be committed to never wasting time again doing unnecessary things.

Sometimes when I feel frustrated, I ask myself: am I frustrated because this is a waste of time?

If so, how can I stop wasting time on this? Because the time I just spent on it, and the time I spent feeling frustrated, is time I can never get back. That part of my life is gone forever.

This mental version of a memento mori sounds depressing, but it isn’t to me. It keeps me focused on what matters and reminds me that I have control: I choose how to spend my time.

I didn’t used to be like that. I used to be so obsess with getting things right that I would agonize over it and waste time.  I spent three times as long on things as I needed to.

I spent a long time turning that around, but now I have it down. I blow through tasks in a couple hours that would have taken me all day 8 years ago.

This means I don’t waste time on procrastination, and I don’t get easily distracted. I never get “day gone by” syndrome, wondering what I did with my whole day.

I’m much more productive.

And greater productivity gets me closer to the deep things that matter in life to me: family, friends, meaningful work, and personal growth.

Because productivity isn’t really about “produce X number of widgets faster.”

It’s about your life, and spending it on what matters. It's about not running out of time. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design 

I never quite understood or appreciated that not everyone felt the same way or had the same urgency about life.

If I was the busy ant, most people lived like the grasshoppers in the endless summer of their lives. There was never any need to prepare for tomorrow and there would always be time for everything they wanted to do. 

Apparently in some cultures they use symbols or icons like a plastic or ceramic skull that denote  a memento mori, meaning “remember death.” People often used to have something to remind them of death, so they’d make more of life.

It’s thought to come from a Roman tradition: when a victorious general was parading through town, a servant would walk behind him, whispering in his ear: “Look behind you! Remember that you are but a man! Remember that you will die!”

All kinds of artwork have been inspired by this idea over time (and some of them would make excellent tattoos).

The purpose of these memento moris was to remind you: every day, you’re closer to death. Don’t waste your time. Don’t waste your life.

I had a close friend and client. We had gone to school together. He had also done my personal development programs. He consistently put other people in his life first. His ex-wife, his children and his brother. He put himself last.

I finally told my friend that he needed to do significant emotional work about his relationships with people. That it would take one year. If he chose not to do this, it would have serious repercussions on his future. He told me that it sounded too painful to do that type of work. 

Fast forward five years later. His brother defaulted on his bank loan. The banks foreclosed on the loan. Since my friend was the guarantor of the loan, they went after him. In one year’s time he would have achieved financial freedom for life. Instead one year from that he was declared bankrupt. 

He then came in to do some emotional healing, too little, too late   He got very stressed and a latent heart problem activated and became life threatening. He needed surgery to carry on. Fortunately he survived the surgery.

My father by contrast started off with no illness, but by dint of 30 years of smoking, drinking and overworking developed obesity, hypertension, diabetes, heart disease and cancer in that order. For twenty years I went on after him to change his ways and having worked as a pharmacist, his answer was that his symptoms were ‘perfectly” controlled by his drugs and his obesity was not a problem. 

When I went after him about his weight for twenty years, he kept telling me that the drugs controlled his symptoms "perfectly". Only at 69 when he had just recovered the night before from a heart attack and he was terrified, he asked me what he could do and I said, "You have run out of time". He died three years later. He woke up to the peril too late.

We should be mindful of our choices. For instance, the assumption that sugary drinks offer any benefit or are harmless choices for ourselves and our children, is simply programming we got as a child — and there are several others, pertaining to food, that we received. This is true about

food; now think about the conditioning about the work ethic, being able to say “No”, etc., that we were also subjected to.

 

Then one day you wake up asking yourself “Where does this extra ten or twenty kilos come from?”, “Why am I finding it difficult to love my spouse?”, “Why am I living here or in this job?”, or “Why do I feel like something is missing?” or "Why am I having this heart attack?"

 

If you continued like you are doing now, would you feel fulfilled 5 years in the future? Or do you need a rapid reality check on where you are going in your life?

A few years ago before I formalized “The Life by Design” model, I was working on my schedule for the forth coming  year.  I thought I had a really good plan, but remembered that one year earlier I had the same thought but I had grossly over committed. So I looked at my plan again and broke it down into the number of hours and realized that I had under estimated how much time and resources I needed. I needed 500 more hours that year. 

That was a major wake up call. I felt really desperate because so many things were riding on me. The current businesses, the future projects, my staff. I felt exhausted. I felt there had to be another way.  It took 3 months to reconfigure everything. It took another 6 months to implement and change all the ways of thinking about managing time, energy and resources that I had been doing for the last forty years.  Once I did, and I got everyone in my companies on board ,everything changed.  

Suddenly I had time to exercise, go on movie dates with my wife once a month instead of twice a year. I could exercise nearly every day. Plus our companies became more profitable. That was the point at which I decided that I would be committed to never wasting time again doing unnecessary things.

Sometimes when I feel frustrated, I ask myself: am I frustrated because this is a waste of time?

If so, how can I stop wasting time on this? Because the time I just spent on it, and the time I spent feeling frustrated, is time I can never get back. That part of my life is gone forever.

This mental version of a memento mori sounds depressing, but it isn’t to me. It keeps me focused on what matters and reminds me that I have control: I choose how to spend my time.

I didn’t used to be like that. I used to be so obsess with getting things right that I would agonize over it and waste time.  I spent three times as long on things as I needed to.

I spent a long time turning that around, but now I have it down. I blow through tasks in a couple hours that would have taken me all day 8 years ago.

This means I don’t waste time on procrastination, and I don’t get easily distracted. I never get “day gone by” syndrome, wondering what I did with my whole day.

I’m much more productive.

And greater productivity gets me closer to the deep things that matter in life to me: family, friends, meaningful work, and personal growth.

Because productivity isn’t really about “produce X number of widgets faster.”

It’s about your life, and spending it on what matters. It's about not running out of time. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Sometimes hacks work. Sometimes an article about how bad a habit procrastination is will kick me into gear and help me get things done early for a change.

When I’d just about given up trying to understand it, I came across a theory of procrastination I’d never heard of, and it completely changed the way I think about procrastination. It made me more sympathetic towards my clients.

The truth is, procrastination is more about our emotions than our tendencies for laziness or just being “bad at deadlines”.  At its core, we procrastinate to keep ourselves happy in the moment —which makes complete sense, right? That is, until we’re pulling an all-nighter to meet that client deadline we had weeks to prepare for.

Understanding why we procrastinate allows us to develop effective strategies for getting started on our important projects now, rather than waiting for tomorrow. Here’s what I’ve discovered in my own journey to stop putting things off for later, and the concrete steps I’ve found along the way to address the root cause of my procrastination.

Procrastination is thought to come from an emotional reaction to whatever it is you’re avoiding. Researchers call this phenomenon “mood repair”, where we avoid the uncomfortable feelings associated with our work by spending time on mood-enhancing activities, like playing games.

For me its fear of making a mistake and screwing up. So I used agonize and procrastinate before I start. Now I know better. I will share the secret with you later.   

According to a researcher at Carleton University,  “putting off the task at hand is an effective way of regulating this mood. Avoid the task, avoid the bad mood.”

Of course, the mood lift is inevitably short-term. Studies of college students have found the habit of putting things off only increases negative feelings later on. While procrastinators tended to be less stressed and healthier in the first school term, by the second term these results were actually reversed.

This brings us to the second key insight into why we procrastinate: research shows that our brains are actually wired to think about our present and future selves as two separate people. That’s why we’re able to prioritize our present mood at the expense of our future well-being even though it’s an irrational choice in the long-term.

A study run by UCLA psychologist Hal Herschel and a team at Stanford University found that participants actually engaged different areas of the brain when they thought about their present selves versus their future selves. In fact, when people were told to think about themselves in ten years, their brain patterns closely resembled  those observed when they were asked to think about celebrities they didn’t know.

This separation of present and future self encourages us to make different decisions about ourselves now and in the future. For instance, one study showed people asked to tutor other students would offer to do so less in the present, but would offer more of their time in the future. 

To sum up the research, we procrastinate because our brains are wired to care more about our present comfort than our future happiness.

Another factor that contributes to what we call procrastination is the 6 stages of Changes model.

The following are stages that people go through on the journey of change: 

 Pre-contemplation (Not yet acknowledging that there is a problem behaviour that needs to

be changed)

 

 Contemplation  (Acknowledging that there is a problem but not yet ready or sure of 

wanting to make a change)

 

 Preparation/Determination (Getting ready to change)  

 

 Action/Willpower (Changing behaviour)  

 

 Maintenance (Maintaining the behaviour change) and  

 

 Relapse (Returning to older behaviours and abandoning the new changes)  

 

 

In the pre-contemplation stage, they are not interested in changing and don't want to consider any kind of help. At this point they will often be very defensive about their habits, behaviour and lifestyle. Any attempt at changing their behaviour or lifestyle is resisted.

 

They will not focus their attention on change and will feel offended. They are not interested  in any kind of change and will not even discuss  their bad habit with others. This is stage in the "Alcoholics Anonymous" that is called “denial”.

 

Do you think you are  in the pre-contemplation stage? Consider that you are already reading this. So you are in the stage

 

 

In the contemplation stage you are more aware of the personal consequences of your current behaviour or habit. You actually spend  some time considering options.

 

Often although you can consider changing, you are still ambivalent and not committed to change. You may doubt that the benefits of change will outweigh  pain of change 

 

In this stage, people are on a teeter-totter, weighing the pros and cons of quitting or modifying

their behaviour. They may consider  the negative aspects of their limiting behaviour/ habit and the positives associated with giving it up (or reducing). However there may be ambivalence that the long-term benefits of positive change  will outweigh the short-term costs. 

 

Getting  through the contemplation stage may take anything from a few weeks to a lifetime.

In fact some may take so long to consider that they may die before they make up their mind.

 

On the other hand, they can be  are more open to receiving information about their limiting life choices, and more likely to consider interventions and reflect on their own feelings and thoughts concerning their current limiting habit.

 

 

In the preparation/determination stage, at this point there is a commitment to change.

Their motivation for changing is reflected by statements such as: “I’ve got to do something about this — before it gets worse. I have to change while I still can. What can I do next?”

 

This is sort of a research phase: people are now taking small steps toward making the change.

 They are actively doing research about they will need to do to change. 

 

Or they are trying to find out what strategies and resources are available to help them in their attempt. Too often, people skip this stage: they try to move directly from contemplation into action and fall flat on their faces because they haven’t adequately researched or accepted what it is going to take to make this major lifestyle change.

 

So what can we do about it?

Based on the research, it’s clear that we have two ways of dealing with our procrastination:

Investor and entrepreneur Paul Graham uses the term “good procrastination” to mean working on more important things than what you’re avoiding. He says working on errands or unimportant tasks to avoid your real work is “bad procrastination”, whereas “good procrastination” is avoiding errands to do real work:

When I talk to people who’ve managed to make themselves work on big things, I find that all blow off errands, and all feel guilty about it. I don’t think they should feel guilty. There’s more to do than anyone could. So someone doing the best work they can is inevitably going to leave a lot of errands undone.

Graham breaks procrastination into three types, depending on what you do instead of that Big Task you’re avoiding:

The trick to “good procrastination”, according to Graham, is avoiding the less important, more urgent things on your to do list (which he suggests may be everything on it) to work on really important work. Your next big idea. The book you keep saying you want to write. The side project you believe in, but can’t find time for.

This is real work, says Graham. Mowing the lawn and filing your taxes can wait, if it means you spend big chunks of time on work that matters.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

In the previous podcast I spoke about the core habits required to start the day well. In this podcast I will focus on the habits required to have a productive day.    

One of the rituals of highly successful people is Meditation, or Mindfulness.

Now before you dismiss it as mystic woo-woo, meditation is actually a very powerful and practical routine that helps you create time, attention, space and focus for yourself – away from all the chaos of the world around you.

It can take many forms, from straightforward meditation, to breathing exercises, to priming, to walking, to giving yourself some much-needed solitude during the day.

The key to making meditation work is to:

1.     Find a time that works for you.

2.     Find a place that works for you.

3.     Just start doing it.

The benefits of meditation are many – a calmer mind, the ability to collect your thoughts at will, the ability to focus at will. And let’s not mention happiness, productivity, and a superpowered psychological processing engine that helps you regulate emotions, mood and the ability to manage the increasingly complex world around us.

If you know someone who’s always agitated, or angry at the world, or unable to control their emotions – they probably don’t meditate. In fact, a lot of “hyperactive” individuals who we label as “ADD” have probably just never learned to focus – and meditation can help a lot with that.

With a very wide range of methodologies, apps and information on meditation available today, there’s absolutely no reason you can’t reap the benefits of 1-2 daily meditation sessions.

When asked what the secret of his success was, Richard Branson famously replied: “exercise”.

And he’s absolutely right – regular exercise is one of the rituals that all highly successful people have.

Just so there’s no misunderstanding – we are talking about physical activity that keeps our bodies fit and strong.

The great thing about exercise, is that there’s no one “right” exercise, and that there are literally hundreds of exercises you can choose from, from weight lifting, to crossfit, to cycling, to team sports, to simply going for a brisk walk.

The key thing with this ritual is to work out what it is you want to do, and then to find a timeslot for it in your schedule… and then do whatever it takes to make sure that you show up.

The benefits are more than can be described in words, from a sense of health and youthfulness, to increased physical and mental energy, to wellbeing, to productivity… to success.

There is an endless snowball of benefits that come from a properly implemented exercise ritual – it makes all your other rituals and habits stronger and it helps you build ongoing self-discipline. It also releases a spectrum of natural hormones and feel-good chemistry into your system, which makes in self-reinforcing over time. This means you’ll live longer, be able to do more and be more awesome – what’s not to love?

It isn’t a difficult choice – you can be lethargic, overweight, worried about the spare tire forming around your mid-section and feel unfit, unhealthy and generally terrible… or you can be fit, healthy, in-control and feeling like you can take on anything the world throws at you!

The next ritual of highly successful people we call Structural Productivity, and it is also known as “planning your day”.

The reason we call it “structural” productivity, is because the ritual involves setting up a time-based structure and schedule for your days… and by simply doing this (and following the schedule), you automatically become productive.

So here’s how it works. First, you find your core activities (like work and exercise) and you solidify them – you put them into your schedule. You then locate the times around these core activities, and fill them with other activities.

What this does is it highlights the things that you MUST do every single day and flags them as “non-negotiable”. It also contrasts them against the things that ARE flexible every day, and lets you know that if an emergency comes up, there are things that you can push back against.

After you implement this ritual, you’ll be able to go into every day knowing that you got most you could get done in that day. This is an extremely liberating feeling – we’re all confined by 24 hours each day, and most of us feel that we could or should be doing more. By having structural productivity in place, we know that our days are optimized and that we did the best we could… and we can be proud of that.

Structural productivity provides a real progress tracking system for our time that other people just don’t have – they’re always getting swept up in the day’s emergencies and ebbs and flows. If you’re feeling constantly overwhelmed and snowed-in by things just happening around you – you NEED structural productivity. It will restore the sense of control and order that you’re looking for.

This particular ritual is a bit of an odd one – it’s a ritual about NOT doing anything.

“Taking Breaks” is all about disconnecting from work, letting your mind/body rest, and then being able to come back from that and continue being productive.

You see, most people feel like that they want to “power through” the work day and get all their stuff done. But what they don’t realize is that they’re really just tired all day, trying not to fall asleep, and end up using stimulants like caffeine as a substitute for taking breaks. And that cycle of tiredness and trying to power through – that really just makes someone bitter towards their situation in life.

When you implement a proper “taking breaks” or downtime ritual, you’ll be able take breaks, know that you’ve worked enough in a given day, and (this is important), you’ll be able to pause from your work, go away, enjoy your break, and then come back and pick up exactly where you left off.

This gives you a great sense of control over your energy throughout the day, and can really prevent you from feeling overwhelmed, tired, or constantly sleepy through a tough day.

The final ritual of highly successful people that I want to cover here is the Evening Ritual. It is the opposite end of the Morning Ritual. Whereas a morning ritual starts your day – an evening ritual ends it. It describes the wind-down process that you go through at the end of the day to get a fantastic night of sleep.

This means no insomnia, an ability to forget about worries and stresses at the end of the day… and a great night of rest.

If you’ve ever had a long night of sleep but still wake up feeling like you didn’t sleep at all – it’s probably because you were lacking an evening ritual.

And all it consists of is a few key moves – from writing down any stray thoughts and open loops, to turning off your electronics after a certain time of day.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

 

 

Ever feel spent, finished, drained, or burned out at the end of your day even when you haven’t exerted yourself physically?

 

Scientists have discovered that every time you make a decision your energy is slowly being depleted leading to lack of willpower.

 

Now—if you only had a few decisions to make every day this wouldn’t really seem like a big deal, but most resources report that we make ~35,000 decisions every day.

 

All successful and productive people use rituals. They are the tiny, invisible routines and collections of habits that these people do every single day to make sure that they get things done, that they don’t get interrupted, and that they can sustainably move towards their goals, one day at a time.

Let’s get right into what the 2-3 Rituals to start your day are;

One of the key traits of modern-day successful people is that they are morning owls. They wake up early – sometimes it’s as the sun comes up at 6am. Sometimes, it’s even earlier… as early as 4am in some cases.

There have been endless arguments about whether people who wake up early or people who are night owls are more productive or successful, and there are always exceptions to the rule. While we definitely lean towards the “wake up early” camp, the best way to find out for yourself is to test it – try a month of early starts, and a month of late starts, and see which yields you the best results.

To get you started, here’s how these highly successful people wake up so early every single day:

1.  They set up the night before correctly.

2.   They optimise their sleeping conditions.

3.   They implement a Morning Habit 

When you do these 3 things, getting up at 4am, 5am or 6am is no challenge at all. And as a result, you have more time in the morning to exercise, to do other key rituals, to spend with your family, or even to get to work early. In fact, a key benefit that we commonly hear from readers and customers who have implemented this ritual is that they can “get everything [they] need to get done before noon”.

The reason for this is simple: in the morning, others are usually not awake – so there are no phone calls, emails or interruptions to sidetrack you from getting your key things done.

This allows you to start your days extremely STRONG, and the momentum will carry you through almost any challenge that comes up.

You see, while the collective consciousness of late-starters are still dragging themselves out of bed and towards the door, you’re already out in the fresh air and sprinting ahead.

Which would you prefer – struggling to get in to work by 9am, not really waking up until 10am and then feeling lethargic after lunch? Or getting 2-3 power hours in before 9am, continuing through to noon and then being able to take it easy in the afternoon?

The Morning Ritual or Morning Routine is another staple of productive people. It describes the default set of actions that you take from the time that you wake up in the morning, to the time that you are ready to start your day.

The benefits of the morning ritual are many. It guarantees that you will go from groggy to awake by the end of it. So even if you wake up still half-asleep with an alarm going off, and you slightly hate the world for having you wake up before the sun is up… by the time you are through the 6 steps of the morning ritual, you’ll be happy, cheerful, feeling productive and that you can take on anything – even that dreaded Most Important Task of your day.

The morning ritual also gives you perfect starts to your day, and this creates a powerful momentum in your life. Don’t underestimate the impact that this can have – when you have consistently productive and successful mornings, you start to have consistently productive and successful days, then weeks, then months, then years… and before you know it, you’ll have become that better version of yourself that you want to be.

The morning ritual lets you start your day with purpose – instead of arriving at your morning coffee with no idea what’s going to happen next.

It also streamlines your morning process and trims away anything unnecessary. This means no more 2-3 hours of fussing with clothes, your phone, your email and everything else… only to find that you’re still late for work.

With a properly structured morning ritual in place, you can be ready to go in 1-1.5 hours every morning… and know that you have the best possible advantage for beginning your days.

Decision fatigue is why sensible people get angry for no reason, spend too much money on stuff they don’t need, and buy junk food at the supermarket checkout.

 

The food industry knows shoppers are depleted of mental energy from all the decisions they just made. When willpower is gone, temptation rears its ugly head and you’re more vulnerable to the quick fix of a sugar high.

 

Not to mention, every time you look at your Smartphone, laptop, or tablet you’re draining your mental energy.

 

The problem is this: we’re not even consciously aware this is happening to us.

 

If you ever find yourself exhausted with no energy to exercise or spend quality time with your family at the end of your day, this podcast will give you a remarkably easy solution.

 

The simple act of planning and scripting your next day ahead of time can dramatically limit the amount of decisions you have to make on a daily basis.

 

When you wake up without having your day planned and scripted, you’ll feel like you’re playing catch-up the whole day leading to feelings of overwhelm, emotional instability, lack of willpower, and lower energy levels.

 

Conversely, when you take 15-30 minutes every night to map out your diet, your exercise routine, and your “to-do” list for the next day you eliminate HALF of the decisions you would normally make in a day.

 

For example, just think about how the simple act of pre-making a protein shake for each morning and eating healthy leftovers every day for lunch can save you from having to make more decisions.

 

Then batch your time. Instead of checking your Smartphone and email dozens of times each day, just block time and do it 2 or 3 per day instead. The world is not going to end if you miss a Facebook comment and don’t answer a phone call or a text message.

 

Trust me, these two simple habits alone will cut your decision-making in half and improve your quality of life in a big way.

 

And when you cut your decisions in half, you’ll dramatically increase your daily energy levels for exercise… and have the willpower to make intelligent eating choices.

 

Not to mention, being there for your family and loved ones to give them your best.

 

 One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

To explore all that is relevant and possible, you need a base from which you can narrow down what is clearly the core for you, the crucial “difference” that makes the difference. 

 

You have to explore and evaluate a broad range of possibilities in depth before you can conclude about what really works. So you need to test things out in small ways before committing in a big way to what matters to you.

 

Dedicated “Life Designers” spend significant chunks of time exploring, questioning, arguing and thinking. The purpose of the exploration is to hone in on what truly matters. Then you get rid of all that is irrelevant and extraneous.

 

Do you know what to discard? However, are you really ready to get rid of what you should “throw away”?

 

In other words, it is not enough to identify what activities and commitments do not work for you. You have to actively discard them. I have already discussed  how you discard the “clutter” in your life so that you can have a well-designed and meaningful life and make vital contributions in what really matters. 

 

You will also do it in such a way that you become more respected, acknowledged, and valued in your home, workplace, community, and society at large.

 

Getting rid of things and projects in your life and business will not be easy. There will be that nagging fear that you gave away something that you will desperately need later on in your life 

 

This feeling is perfectly normal. Research has shown that when we don’t own something we value it less. Those that we own we assign a higher value to and so find it harder to dispose of.

 

The critical question when deciding what to de-clutter is, “If I did not have this opportunity, what would I be prepared to sacrifice to get access to it?” 

 

However, remember that in the Life Design model, whenever you don’t say “No” to something, you are agreeing by default.

 

It’s easier to become clear by asking yourself, “Instead of saying ‘Yes’ to every opportunity and activity, what would I say ‘No’ to?” 

 

This question will clear the cobwebs and give you great clarity for you and your team. It is the core questions that will allow you to make breakthroughs in your life, your career, and your business.  

 

This will allow you to focus on the difference that makes the difference. So when you focus, you do so with a laser focus.  I’m guessing you’ve heard the term laser focus. Let me explain how this term evolved. 

 

Think of a lamp in your home. Lamps have a soft glow and spread light evenly throughout the room they occupy. Now suppose your lamp has a knob you can twist that concentrates the light on one space on the wall. As you turn the knob, the light becomes more and more focused until it’s a narrow beam. 

 

Lasers concentrate light in a single direction, whereas lamps disperse light in all directions at once. Lamps light a room. Lasers emit light that can cut through steel. They’re both forms of light. They’re both forms of wave energy. The big difference is that one is far more concentrated, and therefore far more powerful, than the other. 

 

James Bond was almost chopped in half by a laser beam in the 1964 film Goldfinger. Back then, lasers were cutting-edge technology (pun intended). Today, lasers are everywhere. They’re in our homes, offices, medical devices, manufacturing process, and military weaponry, to name just a few. 

 

At this point you can probably figure what the term laser focus means: your attention – the energy of your mind – is narrowly focused on one thing. 

 

Experts will tell you it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master a skill. I’m not suggesting you put 10,000 hours into something, but I am suggesting that if you use laser focus on your decluttering tasks or whatever you really want to achieve in life, you stand a greater chance of success. 

 

For those of you who have long lists of things you want to get done, I’m going to introduce you to an effective, simple tool that Warren Buffet, the billionaire investor and philanthropist uses. 

 

Here’s how it goes: 

 

List the top twenty-five things you most want to accomplish in life or in your de-cluttering efforts. Then take the top five and put them on a separate list. Don’t forget about the other twenty. They’re still there. They’re still important, but I want you to ignore them for now. Don’t look at them at all, because they’ll distract you from your top five, and every time you think about them, it takes time and energy from what’s really important. 

 

Can you see what I’m getting at? Think of your time and energy as light, and your attention and focus as a knob that concentrates that light into a narrow beam. When you spread your light over a wide area, it illuminates the room, but doesn’t do much of anything else. When you turn the knob and focus that light, you can cut through steel. 

 

I can easily list 25 projects around my house I’d love to get done. They scream for my attention all day long. If I allow my energy to spread across all of them, nothing much happens. 

 

When I concentrate that energy, I can get things done. 

 

I like to take Warren Buffet’s technique one step further. From my top five, I focus on one task each week. That’s it. Nothing else. Laser focus. At the end of a month, those five things are done. 

 

Then I move to the next five on my list. 

 

For me, this process is empowering. When I have twenty-five things nagging my mind, I get paralyzed and do nothing. Five things are manageable. One works like magic. I give it my full attention, I get it done, and I don’t have to deal with feeling guilty, overwhelmed, or stressed about the rest of the list. 

 

If your list contains the twenty-five things you want to accomplish most in life, you may not get to all of them, which can lead to feelings of guilt and frustration. Try getting laser-focused on the top five, then on one per week. 

 

You’ll accomplish what you need, and leave the negative emotions behind. 

 

I’ve always thought it would be cool to chill out at a beach resort for six months.

I’d also like write the next great New York Times best-seller, and go and study Tai Chi intensely for one year and learn the weapon systems as well. 

 

But I’m willing to let these things go to accomplish my top five. 

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organise your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Start with the plan for your vision board. Take some time to thoughtfully consider the message you want your personalized board to convey and how you want your vision board to look.

 

Before you begin, ask yourself the following questions and commit to the suggested action (your shopping list) to follow through with.

 

Think about:

Make note of your answer before you begin selecting your images.

Some people prefer to make several small boards to visualize several categories of desires, while others prefer to make one large board that encompasses everything desired.

Keep in mind that you’ll need to place this board in a visible area that you see every day. For a small space, don’t buy a huge, poster board. If you’re picky about design and want your board to match your decor, consider that as well.

Now that you’ve figured out whether you want one board or multiple boards, follow the follow action list for the creation of your board:

You can source these images from:

Images are a major component of vision boards. For photographs printed from the internet and cut out from magazines, use stick glue, tape or hot glue. For precious items or photographs, buy acid-free, removable adhesive that is safe for photos.

Some people don’t mind haphazardly cutting out photos and glueing them to a board. Others prefer a tidy and neat board. If you’re fine with imperfect cutouts, stick to scissors. But, if you need perfectly cut out, intricate images, pick up an x-acto blade and a cutting mat for a much more enjoyable experience.

To imagine ‘the look’ and unique, potential experience of creating your board, ask yourself a few questions:

Make sure to have all the supplies on hand to make that happen.

With your shopping list in hand, go out and buy all the supplies you need. If cash is short, thrift stores and local “free” sites like Craigslist often have plenty of crafting supplies on offer.

And gather your vision board images. Many people choose to use cutout magazine images, text or quotes for their vision boards. It’s fun to go through the magazines and find images that speak to you. You’ll need to either purchase magazines or find a way to get a stack of free ones.

But feel free to get creative and gather your images from other sources! For example:

Printing images from the internet can use up a lot of printer ink. Keep that in mind when buying vision board supplies.

Creating a vision board is a special ritual.

It’s a time to get in touch with your true self, identify your true desires and focus your energy on attracting them into your life. Treat this moment as something special, as something kind you’re doing for yourself.

Here are some ideas to make creating a vision board a special experience for you:

·       Find an uninterrupted, quiet space — This is your own time and your own experience. A vision board is all about you and what you want for your life. Make sure you’ve got a few hours all by yourself to really focus on this special gift.                                                            

·       Set out all your supplies — To ensure uninterrupted creativity, double check that everything you need to create your vision board is on hand. Don’t forget the extra glue sticks!

·       Light some candles or incense — Our sense of smell is very powerful and delightful, remember to engage it. Use your favorite oil burner, perfume, lotion, candles or incense to invite a welcoming and soothing energy to the experience.   

·       Turn on some music — If there’s a certain artist or style of music that really lights up your soul, go ahead and play it. If you get distracted by lyrics or think the content of certain songs will influence you, then find some nice, instrumental music to play. Tibetan chants, singing bowls and even nature sounds can bring on a sense of comfort and peace, setting the mood for the experience.  

·       Meditate or say a prayer before you begin — If you often ask God, spirit guides, source, the universe, your higher self, or angels for help, go ahead and say a prayer and call in those energies to empower your experience. It also helps to meditate; take some time to sit quietly and check in with how you’re feeling. Let go of all your worries about the day. 

For this step, let your creative power shine. It’s totally up to you whether your board is simple and literal or complicated and metaphorical. Cut out your images and tell a story with your board or create a collage of images that speak to you.

What matters is that the images mirror your desires. When you look at the board images, you should feel a strong connection to those desires.

Take time to cut your images out. Sit with your images for a moment before you attach them to your board. Hold them in your hand and stare at them. Feel the desire running through your body. Notice what emotions arise when you think of that image and the desires that it conjures. See yourself getting what you want and feel the happiness radiating from it.

Once you’ve created your vision board, place it in an area that you see every day. Many people like to notice their vision board near their nightstand or other place that they look at first thing in the morning.

After a time, and to avoid “not really seeing” your vision board, make a positive habit out of sitting with your board at least once a week. Simply take 10 minutes to look at your board, reflect on why you specifically chose those images, and revisit the feelings of happiness and gratitude of eventually having those desires in your life.

Not only is a vision board a wonderful reminder of what you truly want in life, it’s a powerful motivator to enact on achieving your goals.

Treat your vision board like it’s sacred — it’s a special gift you’ve given to yourself, and a powerful tool to attract all your desires into your life.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design 

For example you may to want to quit your soul-sucking day job in favor of the freedom of self-employment, but you aren’t clear on the steps to take.

In this podcast, we  will discuss how using a vision board can help you become more focused and gain clarity on your efforts this year.

If there’s one thing that keeps people stuck, it’s a lack of clarity.

 You know you want to quit your soul-sucking day job in favor of the freedom of self-employment, but you aren’t clear on the steps to take.

 You want to take an exotic vacation, but you aren’t sure where to go—or how to make it happen.

 You want to grow your business but aren’t even sure what that means.

 The truth is, with ambiguous “goals” like these, in five or ten years, you’ll still be stuck right where you are today.

 But with a little clarity, you can achieve any goal you can imagine—and even some you haven't dreamed of yet. The first step is to visualize what you want.

 

Vision board ideas and examples are incredibly useful and inspirational when making your own. I’ve designed this podcast to show you how to make your own vision boards and how to use them to maximize your visualization practice!

Also known as dream boards, these simple devices are one of the most valuable visualization tools available to you. The inspirational collages serve as your image of the future – a tangible example, idea or representation of where you are going. They should represent your dreams, your goals, and your ideal life.

By representing your goals with pictures and images you will actually strengthen and stimulate your emotions because your mind responds strongly to visual stimulation…  and your emotions are the vibrational energy that activates the Law of Attraction. The saying “A picture is worth a thousand words,” certainly holds true here.

A vision board is a planning tool that allows you to unleash your creativity and daydream in a tangible format.

 By collecting images that represent your biggest goals and keeping them within sight, you’ll be able to focus better on the next steps to take to reach them.

 Not only that, but vision boards can keep you inspired when boredom strikes (as it inevitably will) and remind you of why you’re working so hard—when all you want to do is take a nap.

 

A vision board is a powerful tool that helps you narrow down your desires through the power of choice. The tool helps you invest the time and energy to visualize your future and consistently reminds you of your life goals.

Another popular term for it is dream board.

Let’s look at three purposes of your dream board in more detail below.

Visions boards force you to examine your desires and focus on those that truly matter to you. Whether creating one or several boards, the limited space forces you and empowers you to focus in on your most treasured desires.

The process of choosing what to put on your vision board is simple yet meaningful. First, identify your wishes or desires, then select images that represent those desires. This simple selection process narrows down your focus and personalises your board with specific messages that matter to you.

For example, you might decide to put a picture of a house on your vision board because you want to purchase your dream home one day. But if you’re not satisfied with pasting an image of just any house on the board, you can find the perfect representation of your dream home or  pick aspects of homes to collage them together into your perfect home.

There is power in focusing on the details of how to represent your desire. The process of making those choices sends a very specific and personalized message to the universe about your desires.

Without a doubt, it is the visual aspect of a dream board that really drives home your desires and sends a very loud, clear message.

It’s easy to think that choosing and focusing on a desire helps achieve it that specific desire, but visualization isn’t as straightforward as we think it is.

To understand why visualising your desires is so powerful, we need to look at the brain. Our brain is an incredible machine that is geared toward making us successful with every action we take. Our brain trains our bodies to prepare for action — when we imagine ourselves preparing for an activity, our brains actually run through the process and send signals to the rest of our body to complete the action.

Visualization is nearly as powerful as performing the action. When you visualize yourself living in your dream home, your brain trains your body for that reality.

It’s no secret that consistency is important.

Whether attempting to learn a new skill or create a new habit, consistency is the key. We’re wired for repetition, and every time we repeat an action, we become stronger with that action.

By creating a vision board and placing it in a spot you see every day, you create the opportunity for consistent visualization to train your mind, body, and spirit to manifest your desires.

The wonderful thing about a dream board is that it only requires time and energy for the initial creation. After that, the consistency in the visualization happens every time you look at it.

 How to Make a Vision Board

 Creating a vision board is easy — and fun!

 You can create yours with paper and other art materials, or digitally using one of the many online apps, Pinterest, or even Microsoft OneNote or Evernote.

 While digital boards are definitely more portable, physical boards are often more inspiring. There’s just something about engaging all your senses which makes a tangible vision board more effective.

 To create your board, start by collecting images that represent your biggest goals and dreams. Photos from a favorite family vacation, ads for an expensive dress you want to buy, a playbill for a Broadway show you want to see, or even a dollar figure representing your desired bank account balance are all good ways to visualise your goals. Add them to your new vision board.

Next, be sure to include phrases and quotes that inspire you and keep you going when things get tough. Sometimes a few words of wisdom from someone you admire is all it takes to get you back on track.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

How much thought do you give to how you start your day?

I’m not talking about when you’ve got your coffee and are sitting down 
 to start working… I’m talking about from the moment you open your eyes.

What do you do next?

Do you hit snooze 10 times?

Do you force yourself out of bed to stretch and brush your teeth?

Do you immediately reach for your phone?

None of these choices are necessarily wrong… but they could be the difference 
 between a super productive day (and a successful life) and one that leaves you 
 frustrated and feeling like you didn’t  get much done.

Here’s how to make sure you’re starting your day as strongly as you possibly can. 

Consider what happens next?

Okay, so we're back at intentionality again and creating an intentional life.

So, in an earlier podcast I talked about what I think is the absolute number one cornerstone habit that will create an intentional life for you and that is meditation. 

So this week I want to talk about where that fits in and really what I see as the other cornerstone habit that… and when I say cornerstone what I mean by that is this is the one habit, or I guess this is the second one, but these are the two habits that if you put them into your life and they become part of your life, then they will make everything that you do more intentional. 

That's what we're talking about is, I think the way you create the design for an amazing life, lead an amazing life, is to be intentional about leading that intentional life. 

And so the second cornerstone habit is the way you start your day. I like to think of it as my morning routine or my morning ritual and I've been working on my morning ritual. This is my 12th year now. I started 12 years ago doing this. And basically all that means is I have consciously programmed the way my day starts every single day and when I say every single day, that's my intention. No one's perfect and I'm more like maybe 90% of my days start this way…

But my day starts with, the first thing is, well, brushing my teeth and drinking some water. Lately, I'm drinking some water with my supplements, but just drinking some water and then immediately going into meditation—that absolute cornerstone of the cornerstone. So, meditation is the cornerstone of my morning ritual. After that, then I will do some exercise, exercise and/or yoga and so this is just what works for me, okay? I'm just telling you my ritual. Your ritual will probably be different. 

I highly recommend you have some level of meditation in there, but your morning ritual is going to be different. I'm just walking through mine and my thought process, but one of the key things is, it's not set in stone. What I'm doing now is different from what I did 12 years ago. 

So as you sit down to plan out your morning ritual, your morning routine, what you want to do is you also want to plan in a debrief. You want to say, look at the calendar and say 30 days from now, “This what I'm going to do for 30 days, and then after 30 days I'm going to review it and see how it's working.”

 Do a little process. Just sit down with your computer, with a piece of paper, your journal, and look back and say, “How's this working? How's it fitting in my life? Is it making my life better or is it making it worse? Am I able to fit this in or is it too much of a rush? Is having a morning ritual stressing me out, you know, trying to pack all this in? Stressing me out? Is it leaving me more tired or not?

 Can I add in more? Are certain pieces working or other pieces not working?” But it's sitting down and designing the way your day starts because if you don't do that, how do you start your day? 

I know a lot of people, they wake up, they reach over, they pick up their phone, they look at their phone, and now you're in the rabbit hole. Now you have lost control of your day.

 Now maybe you're in email, you're in social. You're looking at your texts, whatever. You are now letting someone else set the agenda for your day, setting the intention for your day, setting what you're not going to accomplish that day because once you start down that path, it's really hard to recover. 

What this is all about, this morning ritual, is about putting you in the right frame of mind, in the right state, the right emotional state, so that you can create that intentional day. And then you know what? You string together a bunch of intentional days and you want to end up with an intentional life. So exactly what my morning ritual looks like… that's not what's important. What's important is, you sit down and plan how you're going to start the day. 

You know, like I said, I've got hydration in there, I've got meditation in there. Usually, sometimes I have some journaling in there. Sometimes I'm doing some learning, some reading stuff that is making my life better as opposed to reading Facebook or Instagram or something like that. Certainly nutrition is in there. That's my morning ritual. It usually ends, that's the last part of my morning ritual, is usually food. 

Here's another thing… if I miss? That's okay. You just get back on the habit the next day. If you miss for a week? That's okay. Then you just start again. You just come back to the practice. That's what this is about. It's about starting. 

It's about sitting down, being intentional. It's about designing it and it's about following that process. And then when you fall off the wagon, when you stop doing it, it's about coming back to the practice. That's the key. 

And one final thing is that sometimes I'll have different morning rituals, rituals for different days. Like for my creative days, for my workout, for my days where I'm going to spend with the family, I'll have a different process. So I'll actually have a different morning ritual lined up for different types of days, but that's super advanced stuff. Just start with one morning ritual and just start super simple and be forgiving of yourself if you miss, if it's not perfect, if it ends up being a little wonky. That's okay. It'll get better over time. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

I’ve combined benefits observed by neurological research with my own personal observations over the last 40 years I’ve been meditating (which are slightly less scientific). Some benefits of meditation include:

§  Meditation has great calming effects. Research has shown that EEG activity actually decreases during meditation. Meditation also helps you to recharge so you have more energy throughout the day.

§  The practice increases the blood flow in your brain, and according to one neurophysiologist, “rewires the circuitry in your brain”.  It’s been proven that people who meditate need less sleep. 

§  Meditation makes your brain age slower and increases the amount of grey matter in your brain. Grey matter is responsible for muscle control, seeing, hearing, memory, emotions, and speech. 

§  Meditation makes it much easier to focus and achieve flow, that feeling of being completely immersed and energized by something. It also allows you to procrastinate less, and get more done in the same amount of time.

§  The practice has been even shown to boost students’ test scores (by 11% in one study)! 

§  Meditation helps your mind defragment your thoughts so you can make better sense of them, and step away from them to gain perspective.

Needless to say, there are a ton of benefits to adopting a regular meditation practice, and these are just a few of them.

Meditation is a very simple practice that people overcomplicate. This podcast focuses on breathing meditation, where you focus on your breath. (Imagine that!)

The basic idea of meditation is simple. Every time your mind begins to shift its spotlight away from your breath and you get lost in thought, you simply bring your attention back to your breath. And then you repeat this again and again until your meditation timer sounds. 

The point is that every time you bring your attention back to your breath, you work out your “attention muscle”, if you want to call it that. Then, over time your focus, concentration, and attention span improve, in addition to the plethora of other benefits mentioned above.

That’s the basic idea of meditation.

You will need two things to get started, but you should have both of them already.

You don’t need much to meditate, but you should have two things:

1.     Something to sit on. There is such thing as standing meditation and walking meditation, but sitting meditation is the most common and the best place to start.

2.     A timer. Since meditation is all about working out your “attention muscle”, having to check a clock would somewhat defeat the purpose of meditation, since it would constantly distract your attention away from your breath.

When I first started to meditate, I remember being dumbfounded at what exactly I had to do after I sat down. Two things especially confused me: how do I sit, and what do I think about? Those are essentially the only things you need to worry about when it comes to meditation.

§  The biggest thing to remember is to keep your back straight. Keep your back erect (if you’re in a chair it’s best not to rest your back on the back of the chair), and keep an upright posture. 

§  Your eyes can be either closed or open. Again, the goal of this whole “meditation” thing is to work out your attention muscle. 

§  Don’t worry about your hands. Some people like to form circles with their thumb and another finger, but that doesn’t really matter, in my opinion.

§  Cross your legs however you want. I usually cross my legs in front of me, and I think that works fine for most people. If you want to fold your feet like a pretzel you can, but if you use meditation to strengthen your attention muscle, it may be easiest to keep to a simple, cross-legged pose.

§  Look slightly downward, even if your eyes are closed. This opens up your chest. Again, though, find a place that’s comfortable – one that keeps you upright and opens up your chest at the same time.

§  The biggest point I can make about how to sit is to find a pose and posture that’s both comfortable and keeps you upright. 

The attention you give the different things around you is a spotlight, and all day you move it around and point it at different things, usually without thinking too much about the fact that you’re doing this. As you move it around, you point it at everything you give attention to in your life, from your smartphone, to a conversation you’re having, to a report you’re writing. And a lot of the time, you direct it at more than one thing at a time. Actually, most of the time you do. 

Meditation takes that “spotlight” that is your attention and it points it directly at your breath.

So that’s all well and good, but what do you do, exactly? Six things.

1.     Get comfortable. Open the timer on your phone, and get into an upright and comfortable posture. Dim the lights a bit, or shut them off completely to help you focus better.

2.     Start your timer.

3.     Bring your attention/focus to your breath. This is what meditation is all about, and this is what makes meditation both difficult and worthwhile. In this third step, close your mouth and focus entirely on your breath as it enters and leaves your nose. 

4.     Don’t think. This is the hard part. Don’t analyse your breath; just bring your attention and focus to your breath, without thinking about it or analysing it.

5.     Bring your attention back to your mind when it wanders. And it will. I’ve been meditating for about 40 years, and my mind still wanders sometimes. When your mind wanders, and it will, gently bring your attention back to your breath once you realise that your mind has wandered. Just gently bring your attention back.

6.     Again, bring your mind back when it wanders. When your mind begins to think, gently bring your attention back to only your breath. 

§  Meditating for 10 minutes a day is infinitely better than meditating for 70 minutes once a week. Try to meditate frequently (every day if possible), even if that just means sitting for a few minutes.

§  Start small. If you try to meditate for 30 minutes right from the start, I can almost guarantee that you will get frustrated and discouraged. I recommend starting with five minutes, and only increasing that time when you’re comfortable. 

§  Meditate in a quiet place. Having less distractions around you will naturally allow you to concentrate better, and will make your meditation much more productive.

§  It’s easiest to lose your attention during your out-breath. Your in-breath is very pronounced and easy to concentrate on, and most people’s minds wander on their out-breaths (me included). This is worth keeping in mind.

§  Be easy on yourself when your mind wanders. It’s easy to become frustrated with yourself when your mind wanders, but don’t. Your meditations will be much more productive when you gently bring your attention back.

§  If you can’t concentrate, try counting. Count your breaths, until you reach five, and then start again. I use this trick when I’m having a tough time concentrating.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

Are you ready to unleash the power of your creative imagination?

 

 

Our wishes or desires are defining attributes of our individuality, but how many people can make their dreams come true? In truth, many people don't even know what they really want, much less how to accomplish their goals. There are others who know exactly what they want, but still can't quite get their acts together to accomplish their hearts' desires

The idea of wish fulfilment is something that first enters human consciousness at an early age indeed. In fact, we all learn to desire long before we learn to speak. We form wordless impressions of what we want, or don't want, and this is the earliest concept we have of the subject. These impressions persist, and they constitute part of the underlying structure that shapes all our future wishes.

 

 

From the moment we are born, most of us begin to wish for the warm, safe environment of the womb from which we have been violently pushed or pulled into this world. The personality we form from that moment on is largely shaped by our desires. 

 

These fall into two broad categories: those things we'd like to have more of, and those things we'd rather be rid of or get away from. In general, people feel that they are attracted to pleasurable things, and try to avoid painful things, but it doesn't always work as we expect it to.  

 

As long as we continue to be attracted or repelled, however, we will continue to endeavour to satisfy the desires that arise as a result. We develop theories in our minds about what actions might yield worthwhile results as  infants long before we have any concept of what words mean. 

 

We soon learn to use words, however, in our strategy to gain our heart's desire. At some

point, words and actions become connected, as we find that there is a word for almost anything we can do or possess. Later, as we learn more complex behaviours, we are supplied with phrases and sentences to describe them and other things as well.

 

This also gives each of us tools to aid in obtaining what we wish to have in our lives. On the other hand, where words bring us some things, they don't help us to obtain other things at all. Many things are possible to attain, or obtain, only if we take correct action at the right time and place. 

 

Sometimes strategies that work well with one person or one group of people are poorly adapted to the temperament of another, and it makes life tough to understand. 

 

Similarly, differing situations demand different solutions to the same problem. It seems there is no universal formula for success, but rather a range of approaches particularly well suited to a variety of temperaments and environments. 

 

Although there is no single strategy for getting what you want that works for all people and all situations, certain elements of strategy are useful to remember, and will help you to find the best approach to a given task. The idea here is not merely to adopt a policy, based on someone else's method, but to find out what works for you, and make that your method. 

 

The phrase Law of Attraction, although used widely by esoteric writers, does not have a consensual definition. However, the general consensus among New Thought thinkers is that the Law of Attraction takes the principal "Like Attracts Like" and applies it to conscious desire. 

 

That is, a person's thoughts (conscious and subconscious), emotions, and beliefs cause a change in the physical world that attracts positive or negative experiences that correspond

to the aforementioned thoughts, with or without the person taking action to attain such experiences. This process has been described as "harmonious vibrations of the law of attraction", or "you get what you think about; your thoughts determine your experience".

 

 

 

Many people who accept the Law of Attraction as a guide for right living do so on the basis of their faith in the Universe and The Universe's 'Laws'; thus, to them, the nature of the 'Law' is not one to be settled scientifically, and the word 'Law' carries the same belief-based weight as non-scientific 'Laws' from other religions, such as the 'Law of Karma' and the Ten

Commandments. 

 

This is especially true among those who are adherents of various New Thought. One common way that New Thought adherents utilize the Law of Attraction is through the practice of positive affirmations.

 

In essence it is:

 

• Know what one desires and ask the universe for it. (The "universe" is mentioned broadly, stating that it can be anything the individual envisions it to be, from God to an unknown source of energy.)  

 

Focus one's thought upon the thing desired with great feeling such as enthusiasm or gratitude.  

 

• Feel and behave as if the object of one's desire is already acquired. 

 

• Be open to receiving it. 

 

Thinking of what one does not have, they say, manifests itself in the perpetuation of not having, while if one abides by these principles, and avoids "negative" thoughts, the Universe will manifest a person's desires.  

 

 

 

Desire. Get a strong enthusiasm for that which you want in your life, a real longing for something which is not there now.  

 

Decision. Know definitely what it is that you want; what it is that you want to do or have. 

 

Ask. [When sure and enthusiastic] ask for it in simple, concise language... 

 

Believe. Believe in the accomplishment with strong faith, consciously and subconsciously. 

 

Work. Work at it... a few minutes daily, seeing yourself in the finished picture. Never outline details, but rather see yourself enjoying the particular thing... Eventually, you will see a time where it will just appear, as a gift or such, or you may see an opportunity to get what

you were asking for. 

 

Feel gratitude. Always remember to say, "Thank you, God [or the universe]," and begin to feel the gratitude in your heart. The most powerful prayer we can ever make is those three words, provided we really feel it. Feel as though you already have what you wanted. 

 

Feel expectancy. Train yourself to live in a state of happy expectancy... Find a way it will appear in your life, and keep believing in that. May it be that someone gives it to you, or you find an initiation to get it.

 

Parts of this is about training your attitudes and emotions. The other parts are about training your habits. The last part is about creating the right environment. 

 

Enough studies have shown that a vividly and sensory based imaginative training is indistinguishable from an actual experience This is the principle of mind training that all top class Olympic champions, those who do extensive rehearsals like actors and dancers do.  

I know of a surgeon who had to operate on twins who were joined at the head level. In other to prepare for the incredibly rare surgery he created a plasticine model and kept rehearsing for the final surgery. Needless to say the surgery went well. 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design

I have been writing on health for almost 30 years. One of the very first articles I wrote was on Environmental Toxicity. Bear in mind that this was 25 years ago and the world was not that savvy about toxicity (at least in Singapore). In those days, magazine articles were supposed to be about 2000 words. When I finished my article it was more than double the length at about 5000 words.

On one hand, I was relieved because I had worked really hard on that article. On the other hand I was horrified. The information I had penned down provided a nightmarish picture of what was going on right beneath our eyes. I couldn’t eat or sleep properly for the next two days.

My editor called me up and grumbled about the length of the article. I told her very politely to feel free to edit it to her heart’s content. I knew she could not. I had written the article too tightly. I was also secretly hoping that I would get paid for two articles instead of one because they would have to run this article as part I and part 2.

My wish came true. Not before she called me a few days later in a state of shock. She could not eat, sleep or rest properly after she read that article either. In a way I felt validated. In another, I felt sick and horrified.

I spent the next 10 years studying, researching and doing post graduate work in Clinical Ecology, Environmental Medicine, Allergies, Cancer and Autism. Along the way I discovered that the same principles of reducing toxic loads would also help couples get pregnant more easily.

In those 10 years, I wrote and accumulated hundreds of pages and documentation on environmental toxicity, illness and pollution. I think I was about 35 when I realized that the sheer volume of literature was so sickening, disheartening and frustrating that it would overwhelm anyone to read it in one book unless it became a reference text. Alternatively I would be branded, tarred and feathered (metaphorically speaking) like the author of “Silent Springs” Rachel Carson was for talking about environmental toxicity long before it was fashionable.

By now as I looked at the epidemic of autism, increase in cancers and strange and bizarre neurological illness, the avalanche of conditions like Chronic Fatigues Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, the increase in liver related toxicity cases, everything started fitting together in a bizarre fashion. Symptoms of environmental toxicity can include the following;

Oily Skin
Weight Gain
Cellulite
Fatigue
Lethargy
Sore and tired eyes
Arthritis
Cataract
Infertility
PMS
Mood Swings
Cancer
Fibroids
Tumours
Atherosclerosis
Heart Disease
Fibroids
Birth Defects
Endometrosis

According to present usages, the term “ecologic illness”, refers to chemically induced disease. The term is used to describe some of the subtler devastating health effects of chemical exposure in the workplace, the home and outdoors. These illnesses, according to San Francisco immunologist Alan S. Levin, appear to stem from damage to the immune system, either from acute poisoning by toxic chemicals or from chronic, low-level exposures that ultimately overwhelm the system. As reviewed by Earon S. Davis, the exact symptoms may vary from person to person, but generally involve an increasing intolerance to wide range of chemicals, including substances like formaldehyde, pesticide, natural gas fumes, perfumes and scents, solvents, tobacco smoke and auto exhaust, to mention the more common offenders.

Exposures to small amounts of substances like lead, mercury, or polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs), which have no discernible impact on adults early exposures to dioxin or polychlorinated biphenyls (PCBs), chemicals from industrial activities that accumulate in dietary fat, damage the developing immune system, making the child more prone to infections. Risks of asthma and high blood pressure are increased by early environmental exposures. All of these significantly affect the reproductive systems of both men and women. Every year there are 2000 new chemicals being introduced into the environment.

We are being exposed to 100, 000 chemicals that our grandparents were not exposed to. Most of the toxic chemicals that are fat soluble are also xenoestrogenic. These include
 The PCBs, DDT, PBB not to mention lead, mercury, chlorine, fluoride, antibiotics and steroids in too large amounts as well as toxic tampons and breast implants .

There is a global crisis of potable water, but most people in the industrialized nations either don’t know about it or simply don’t care about it. This lack of awareness about the severity of the problem is short sighted and puts humans all over the globe at risk.

Water is not an inexhaustible resource; in fact, there is a finite amount of water on the Earth which is rapidly being depleted thanks to worldwide population growth and contamination due to the infrastructure that allows humans to drive cars, fly in airplanes, heat their homes, and more.

How critical is the problem? Look at these statistics and judge for yourself:

1.2 billion people get sick each year due to polluted water

At least 10 million people die from dysentery, diarrhea, and other diseases caused by impure water

25 million children under the age of five die each year due to impure water and its related illnesses

According to the United Nations and leading scientists, half of the wetlands on the planet have been destroyed and the rate of destruction is increasing. Our rivers and our streams are polluted and the increasing demand for potable water is leading to serious water shortages. As you can see, there is a real urgency to finding effective ways to conserve and purify water.

Contaminated Water
Modern technology is rapidly destroying water’s life-giving capacities. Increased population, industrial wastes and agricultural chemicals are contaminating our water sources. Examples can be found in chemical spills, landfills, excessive herbicide and pesticide sprays, chemical dumps and nitrate fertilizer run off that affect our lakes, underground aquifers, and rivers. Time Magazine reports “over 4000 chemicals” have already been found in drinking water. All levels of government have been slow to act. Meanwhile, more and more chemicals are showing up in the water supply of America’s cities and towns.” Each year in the U.S., 18 billion pounds of pollutants and chemicals are released by industry into the atmosphere, soil and groundwater.

Researchers studying water have identified a progression of the disease process in our body. We can call this the “cycle of disease,” because a direct progression of deterioration in the body as it becomes susceptible to disease can be seen. It begins with water that is contaminated with toxins and chemicals that can’t be neutralized and as a result, changes the chemistry of body fluids.

Public water treatment systems rely on chlorine to kill harmful bacteria. Until recently, concerns about drinking water focused on eliminating pathogens. Chlorination of drinking water was a major factor in the reduction in the mortality rates associated with waterborne pathogens. 

The use of chlorine was believed to be safe until recent years, when halogenated organic compounds, such as chloroform, were identified in chlorinated drinking water supplies. Recent surveys show that these compounds are common in water supplies throughout the North America. These concerns about cancer risks associated with chemical contamination from chlorination by-products have resulted in numerous epidemiological studies. 

These studies generally support the notion that by-products of chlorination are associated with increased risk of cancer and other health problems. These risks arise from both drinking and bathing in chlorinated water.

Following are quotes from a variety of sources:

U.S. COUNCIL ON ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY: “Cancer rates for people on chlorinated water systems is 93% higher than for those on non-chlorinated water systems…”

U.S. NEWS &WORLD REPORT – July 29 1991 Is Your Water Safe–The Dangerous State of Your Water “A long hot shower can be dangerous. The toxic chemicals are inhaled in high concentrations.”

High levels of THMs (trihalomethanes) may also have an effect on pregnancy. A California study found that pregnant women who drank large amounts of tap water with high THMs had an increased risk of miscarriage. These studies do not prove that there is a link between THMs and cancer or miscarriage. However, they do show the need for further research in this area to confirm potential health effects.”

Make sure your water is safe and life giving
On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Imagine you’re late for a party. 

Your party.  All your guests are there… waiting for you… 

Your phone is dead, and you’re in an unfamiliar place. You turn right onto a street, hoping that it’ll take you to the restaurant. 

It’s getting dark.  

You start to breathe quickly… 

Your heart beat quickens…  Your palms are sweating on the steering wheel… 

You can hear a ringing starting in your ears…  What if you don’t make it there in time? 

Everyone will be so disappointed… and it’s so embarrassing for you…  

Maybe they won’t even want to be your friends anymore. 

Your entire life will be ruined because you forgot to check a map before you left! 

STOP! 

You know what part of your brain is responsible for the anxiety and panic you’re feeling right now?  It’s called your reptile brain. 

See, your reptile brain is responsible for your basic instincts. It wants food, sex and safety.  

It doesn’t want you to take risks, or do anything that’s uncomfortable. 

 And… it has allies.   Your right pre-frontal cortex is the part of your brain responsible for visualisation. 

When those two parts of your brain team up, they make negative visualisations. The negative visualisations will often convince you to not take action, because of bad things that could happen. 

You won’t even know what you’re missing out on.  But you are missing out. Missing out on financial opportunity, new friendships, relationships, experiences and ideas. 

You’re missing out on beautiful, delicious and pleasant parts of life that you don’t even know exist!  All because your reptile brain is playing these little horror movies of “what could happen if you take a risk”. Your reptile brain is speaking.

My friend Pam had a dog that had been beaten and burned with a lighter. That's how Pam found her. 

And that's how they began together. 

With a lot of training and love, she made leaps and strides over the first few years. 

Until one day, she had a setback. 

A worker was at the house across the street. His pickup truck backfired. Loud. 

Pam sprinted outside because her dog had been lounging on the front porch. She was nowhere to be found. So Pam began running through her neighbourhood. 

Pam didn't catch up to her until she was about a mile from her house. She was in a frenzied trance. Running for her life with no regard for anything around her. 

Pam shouted her dog's name. 

Hearing Pam's voice broke the trance her dog stopped. She looked at Pam, panting and terrified. As Pam ran to her, she  could see her dog come back into herself. She was shaking. 

Pam  didn't say, "What the hell? We've come so far! You keep on getting triggered! What's up with that head of yours?" 

No. Here's what Pam did... 

With her arms tight around her dog, Pam  said, "You're totally fine. And you're totally safe. Let's go home and begin again..." 

I remembered this incident when I get a message from someone asking about intention. She wrote that she has a pattern of getting to a certain point in creating her vision. And right when things are going well, she'll find a way to mess it up. 

Her words: "I sabotage my success." 

And it struck me. Sabotage is one of those words that seems to come with its own military units and artillery. It's big and heavy. Sabotage says, "Don't question me. I am scary." So it can be a challenge to see it clearly. 

On the one level, I totally get the idea of messing things up right when they're going well. I get how scared you can feel when things are looking like they might just be working. 

And I get that being scared can make you go unconscious just to escape the uncomfortable feeling of fear. (Going unconscious = anything from eating five pieces of cheesecake to endlessly scrolling through your Facebook feed to watching Netflix until 3am. Name your vice.) 

And I get that fear might make you do something dumb. Or do something mean. Or do dumb and mean things for six months until you've alienated pretty much everyone. 

Until you find yourself back where you're comfortable -- in the land of Things-are-Awful-and-I'm-to-Blame. 

A Pattern's Just a Pattern. You're Never Done this before. Okay, but here's the thing: 

The minute you realise you've gone unconscious, or when you catch yourself in the midst of that trance... what stops you from picking yourself up, looking around, dusting off, cleaning up, putting down the cheesecake, apologising for the stupid things you said and, yes, starting again? 

Because let's be clear... that is the issue here. Not the sabotage itself. Because nothing is ever done until you decide it's done. 

We all do stupid things and mess up and go unconscious. In Buddhism, it has a name: Unskillful. I love this. It simply means you didn't have the skills yet. (And as far as I know, Buddha never once used the phrase, "Wow, you totally screwed that one up.") 

The question is this: 

How do you know you've ruined everything? 

See, a word like "sabotage" requires that you give in to the belief that "all is lost." It's like you have your very own entertainment industry executive in your head who says, "You'll never work in this town again!" 

And the problem is not that he's there. 

The problem is you believe him. 

Sabotage As Your Teacher. You can never do anything new without, making mistakes. It’s called learning not sabotage. If a toddler was to take his first few steps and he falls, he does not say, "Oops I sabotaged myself". 

Instead he keeps getting up and moving until he learns to walk. It's the same when you are learning to ride the bicycle. You keep falling off until you get it. Then if you really decide to learn trick riding, you start falling again. It’s really about how much you want to improve your skills sets and grow.  If you think have a knack for sabotage, then guess what? This pattern is actually your greatest teacher. 

And what it might be teaching you is persistence. Or commitment. Or be telling you, you are really growing. 

One of my biggest secrets is when I am learning something totally new I create a safe space for myself to make all the mistakes I need to learn and grow. It could be in the confines of a new class where everyone is a beginner. Or it could be in the privacy of my home. Or I would go someplace where no one knows who I am so that when I screw up, they would say, "Crazy stranger". 

Because here's the thing. You either beat yourself up in the confines of your mind when you think you have "screwed up" or some well-meaning person says that to you and then you beat yourself up. 

The reality is I have never had a qualified expert come and tell me I have screwed up. Because all of them have paid their dues. You will have the well-meaning but relatively clueless individuals who will provide you with unsolicited advice about how you screwed up.  

So just so you know. At regular intervals in my life, I learn something totally new. It could be a new business approach, a new martial art or a new dance form. And I give myself permission to make mistakes and learn. I have enriching my brain by creating new neural pathways. 

This is the key here. You can either sit back and say, "Look how awful I am. I've done it again." 

Or you can say, "I'm learning to commit. So, today is another day. And with eyes wide open, I begin imperfectly." 

It will be painful. It will be uncomfortable. It will piss you off. And it will grow you in ways you can't imagine. 

I know from my own experience, it's challenging to have an emotional temperament and go for your dreams. It's so much easier to sit back and say that it's all too hard, or that I'm not cut out for this. 

But when you stop engaging, you only elongate the story, continue the trance. 

Instead, take steps, and take them with openness. (And for God's sake, stop using the word "sabotage.") 

Be unbelievably kind to yourself.

The opposite of the voices that say "All is lost!" is reminding yourself that all has never been lost. And remembering how far you've come in your process. Monitor how you talk to yourself. Stop and correct any negativity. It only serves to keep the pattern alive. 

In your story, you have the opportunity to be the one who is kind and the one who persists in knowing that you're never going to give up on yourself or your life. Whenever you shift into that unconscious mode, just gently walk yourself back home and start from there. 

Do that for yourself constantly. 

And then do it again. 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands. 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organise your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

The long game isn’t particularly notable and sometimes it’s not even noticeable. It’s boring. But when someone chooses to play the long game from an early age, the results can be extraordinary. The long game changes how you conduct your personal and business affairs.

There is an old saying that I think of often, but I’m not sure where it comes from: If you do what everyone else is doing, you will get the results they all get.

Ignoring the effect of luck on outcomes — the proverbial lottery ticket —doing what everyone else is doing pretty much ensures that you’re going to be average. 

Not average in the world, but average to people in similar circumstances. There are a lot of ways not to be average, but one of them is the tradeoff between the long game and the short game.

As for lottery tickets, the general rule of thumb is that those who never learnt to manage money, often end up significantly poorer after winning the lottery in a few years after they have run through the money. 

What starts small compounds into something more. The longer you play the long game, the easier it is to play and the greater the rewards. 

The longer you play the short game the harder it becomes to change and the bigger the bill facing you when you do want to change.

The short game is what leads you to obesity, diabetes and heart disease because of the easier choices you made about what you ate, drank and the exercise you did not do. 

In the Stanford marshmallow experiment famous study on young children, they could predict in advance which group of 4 year olds were more likely to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures. 

The short game is putting off anything that seems hard for doing something that seems easy or fun. The short game offers visible and immediate benefits. The short game is seductive.

·       Why learn something boring that doesn’t change when you can learn something sexy that impresses people? And finally you reach your level of incompetence and you can pull wool over the eyes of your customers and your corporate career is over. 

·       Why bust your butt at work to do the work before the meeting when you can read the executive summary and pretend like everyone else? Until one day, your boss actually asks you to head the meeting and the truth comes out. 

·       Why invest in your relationship with your partner today when you can work a little bit extra in the office? And then you wonder why your partner walked out on you. 

·       Why do your homework when you can go out and play? This leads to poor grades and all the anger and rage at a school system that does not allow you to be authentic. 

·       Why wait to pay for a phone in cash, when you can put it on your credit card? This is the shortcut to credit card debt and impending bankruptcy.

·       Why go to the gym when you can go drinking with your friends? Then twenty years later comes the heart attack.

The effects of the short game multiply the longer you play. On any given day the impact is small but as days turn into months and years the result is enormous. People who play the short game don’t realize the costs until they become too large to ignore.

The problem with the short game is that the costs are small and never seem to matter much on any given day. Doing your homework today won’t give you straight A’s. Saving $5 today won’t make you a millionaire. 

Going to the gym and eating healthy today won’t make you fit. Reading a book won’t make you smart. Going to sleep on time tonight won’t make you healthier tomorrow. 

Sure we might try these things when we’re motivated but since the results are not immediate we revert back to the short game.

As the weeks turn into months and the months into years, the short game compounds into disastrous results. It’s not the one day trade off that matters but it’s accumulation.

In theStanford marshmallow studies, a child was offered a choice between one small reward provided immediately or two small rewards if they waited for a short period, approximately 15 minutes, during which the tester left the room and then returned. (The reward was sometimes a marshmallow, but often a cookie or a pretzel.) .) In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes.

While the original idea was that the test was a measure of pure will power, later studies suggested it was a measure of economic background and intact family background. So children from such an environment learnt from very early to play the long game rather than go for immediate gratification.    

Playing the long game means suffering a little today. And why would we want to suffer today when we can suffer tomorrow. But if our intention is to always change tomorrow, then tomorrow never comes. All we have is today.

Looking at how the millennials are brought up I am somewhat concerned. They were encouraged to go for what they wanted immediately. Very often they grew up in a school environment where winning and getting good grades were down played. 

Everyone was a winner from day one. There was no need to play the long game because there was instant gratification. 

They often did not learn about the messy things about making friends and relationships because of social media. When I grew up, I hung out with three other guys and I had four others I could call friends. Currently I have about a few thousand “friends” on my social media sites. I am not a millennial. I know the difference between “social media friends” and real time friends.

So the millennials are likely to struggle when they go to work in corporations because they will expect instant recognition and rewards for their abilities. They will not know how to play the long game. 

They are likely to champion for shorter working hours and work that is more meaningful and impactful. They will struggle with real time relationships because all they had was social media type connections.       

The long game is the opposite of the short game, it means paying a small price today to make tomorrow’s tomorrow easier. If we can do this long enough to see the results, it feeds on itself. 

From the outside, the long game looks pretty boring:

·       Saving money and investing it for tomorrow

·       Leaving the party early to go get some sleep

·       Investing time in your relationship today so you have a foundation when something happens

·       Doing your homework before you go out to play

·       Going to the gym rather than watching Netflix

… and countless other examples.

In its simplest form, the long game isn’t really debatable. Everyone agrees, for example, we should spend less than we make and invest the difference. Playing the long game is a slight change, one that seems insignificant at the moment, but one that becomes the difference between financial freedom and struggling to make next month’s rent.

The first step to the long game is the hardest. The first step is visibly negative. You have to be willing to suffer today in order to not suffer tomorrow. This is why the long game is hard to play. 

People rarely see the small steps when they’re looking for enormous outcomes, but deserving enormous outcomes is mostly the result of a series of small steps that culminate into something visible.

In everything you do, you’re either playing a short term or long term game. You can’t opt out and you can’t play a long-term game in everything, you need to pick what matters to you. 

But in everything you do time amplifies the difference between long and short-term games. The question you need to think about is when and where to play a long-term game. A good place to start is with things that compound: knowledge, relationships, and finances.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams. I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Small differences in your genes can influence how well your body metabolizes foods, utilizes nutrients and excretes damaging toxins, all of which can affect your general state of health. By finding out if you have any of these small variations, you can modify your diet and lifestyle choices to achieve optimum nutrition and health.

After 40 years of the American Medical Association saying that three square meals a day could feed your nutritional needs, the statement below totally repudiates that stand. The AMA has been forced to revise its stand in view of the new evidence. They say it takes 25 years before a new idea takes hold in medicine. In 25 years every medical doctor will be studying nutrition thoroughly. Currently average medical education spends 7 to 12 hours out of a 7 year education on food, vitamins, minerals and health.

Vitamin deficiency syndromes such as scurvy and beriberi are uncommon in modern (Western) societies. However, suboptimal intake of some vitamins, above levels causing classic vitamin deficiency, is a risk factor for chronic diseases and common in the general population, especially the elderly. Suboptimal folic acid levels, along with suboptimal levels of vitamins B6 and B12, are a risk factor for cardiovascular disease, neural tube defects, and colon and breast cancer; low levels of vitamin D contribute to osteopenia and fractures; and low levels of the antioxidant vitamins (vitamins A, E, and C) may increase risk for several chronic diseases……….
 ( JAMA. 2002;287:3127-3129)

Ever wonder what’s really in the food sold at grocery stores around the world? People keep asking me, “What ingredients should I avoid?” So I put together a short list that covers all the most toxic and disease-promoting ingredients in the food supply. These are the substances causing cancer, diabetes, heart disease and leading to tens of billions of dollars in unnecessary health care costs across America (and around the world).

If you want to stay healthy and out of the hospital, read ingredients labels and make sure you avoid all these ingredients:

Acrylamides – Toxic, cancer-causing chemicals formed in foods when carbohydrates are exposed to high heat (baking, frying, grilling). They’re present in everything from bread crusts to snack chips, and because they aren’t intentional ingredients, acrylamides do NOT have to be listed on labels.

Aspartame – Chemical sweetener that causes neurological disorders, seizures, blurred vision and migraine headaches.

Autolyzed Proteins – Highly processed form of protein containing free glutamate and used to mimic the taste-enhancer chemical MSG.

BPA (Bisphenol-A) – A hormone mimicking chemical found in nearly all food packaging plastics. Active in just parts per billion, BPA promotes cancer, infertility and hormone disorders. It also “feminizes” males, promoting male breast growth and hormone disruption

Casein – Milk proteins. Hilariously, this is widely used in “soy cheese” products that claim to be alternatives to cow’s milk. Nearly all of them are made with cow’s milk proteins.

Corn Syrup – Just another name for High Fructose Corn Syrup (see below). Frequently used in infant formula products

Food Colors – FD&C Red #40, for example, is linked to behavioral disorders in children. Nearly all artificial food colors are derived from petroleum, and many are contaminated with aluminum.

Genetically Modified Ingredients – Not currently listed on the label because the GMO industry (Monsanto and DuPont) absolutely does not want people to know which foods contain GMOs. Nearly all conventionally grown corn, soy and cotton are GMOs. They’re linked to severe infertility problems and may even cause the bacteria in your body to produce and release a pesticide in your own gut. If you’re not eating organic corn, you’re definitely eating GMO corn.

The average naturopath spends 1.5 to 2 years of a four years diploma/degree program on herbs, vitamins, minerals, amino acids and nutrition and food. This is why naturopaths and natural health care providers excel at prevention and medical practitioners at pathology.

By the time you have a heart attack or a gastric ulcer or a lump in the breast, you may need medical intervention, drugs or surgery. These conditions do not happen overnight. They take anything from 5 to 15 years to develop. Meantime subtle changes occur. In fact people become so used to these changes, that they put it down to ageing. Once you put it down to ageing then you of course can’t do anything about it.

What will early interventions do for you? It will ensure that you will be healthy and well enough to make your next million or more between 45 to 65. For others it will mean that they can be healthy enough to run and play with their grandchildren instead of waving at them feebly from the bed of a hospital or nursing home.

While doing a health checkup is a good practice, conventional medical testing does not provide a full picture. Functional medicine testing will often identify hidden health conditions long before they show up on conventional medical tests.

Most medical doctors will look at the standard tests and be satisfied with its results most times, possibly dismissing nagging pains or discomfort that a patient has experienced over long periods of times. Only a small percentage of medical doctors will look at functional testing to get a truer picture of health. They will also check with the quality of life the patient has.

I was once talking about early Wellness Screening to one of my ex-wife’s very good friend. She heard me politely and said with a shudder, “I’d rather not know”. About a year later, she discovered a lump in her breast and had to see a surgeon to remove it and biopsy it. Fortunately for her, it was benign. It could easily have been otherwise.

If you think that a healthy lifestyle and eating fresh organic food protects you, think again. There are more than 100, 000 chemicals in the environment that our grandparents did not get exposed to. There was this sweet radio personality who used to interview me on radio some years ago. She was famous for her healthy and organic food lifestyle. She was diagnosed early this year with cancer. She came to see me for a visit. A few months later, there was a report about her death.

While I can’t say that I have prevented people from developing cancer, (because if the early method of detection that I use in my practice work so well, they will never develop cancer), I can say that I have found individuals who have come in with cancer markers. Those who clean up their lifestyle and diet do not develop cancer. Those who find out but did not make the necessary changes often do go on to develop cancer. These are general tendencies from a sample population of 15, 000.

About 15 years ago, I had one reader of my medical blog writing in and calling me a quack and a snake oil salesman for stating on my blog that the most common reasons for cancer, terminal and chronic illness included the modern lifestyle and exposure to indiscriminate antibiotic  use, toxins like pesticides, heavy metals. 

Almost 12 years later in 2010 , President’s Cancer Panel — an advisory group that considers testimony from several cancer researchers to inform the president’s policies on cancer prevention concluded that environmental toxins are a greater cause of cancer than previously believed, 

I will round up with a positive case history. This lady flew in from Bangkok. She was incidentally an “A” blood type. She had a great diet, exercised reasonably well and was a little stressed. She had recently discovered that she had a breast lump. She had it excised. Biopsy revealed that it was malignant. When we examined her and tested her, we found that a mercury filling in one of her teeth was leaking. It also happened to be in the tooth on the left side that was involved with the stomach meridian. The left stomach meridian by the way also influences the left breast. Mystery solved. If she had come in earlier, she could have even bypassed the cancer. One month later, she came in for a second visit feeling wonderful.

So which would you rather choose? To say, “I’d rather not know” or “Lets nip it in the bud.”

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

 

Some scientists conclude happiness comes from our environment, some claim it’s determined by our behaviour, some believe it’s an evolutionary phenomenon, and still others are certain the key to understanding happiness lies in our genetic profile and our biology. 

 

No matter what they call it, and regardless of their point of view, they all attempt to answer the following question:  

 

Compared to 500 years ago, before the exponential explosion of science, technology, wealth, inventions, and access to resources granted us near mastery over our environment, enabled us to meet all our survival needs, and allowed us to enjoy a level of personal comfort and safety unprecedented in human history – are we any happier? 

 

There’s no way to summarise all the disparate and contradictory threads of research in one podcast so I’ll share what I’ve discovered about happiness as it relates to the evaluation process we’ve been going through together. 

 

All the scholarly studies in the world mean nothing unless you can find a way to connect them to personal experience, and all my research into happiness felt abstract until I stumbled upon a golden nugget of insight that’s made a huge difference in nearly every facet of my life. This pearl of wisdom now informs how I approach wants, desires, relationships, material possessions, and important decisions. 

 

Here’s the common thread that runs through all the research: 

 

Happiness depends on the correlation between your objective conditions and subjective expectations. 

 

Happiness doesn’t depend solely on factors you might expect, like wealth, health, community, environment, or family. Happiness doesn’t depend on your bank balance or whether you live in Hawaii or India. It doesn’t matter if you had a happy childhood or if you’re battling cancer. Those things are part of the picture, but they’re not as critical as most of us believe. 

 

Here’s my takeaway from all that – the pearl of wisdom I mention above. This is how I frame all of it in my mind:  

 

Expectations are like disappointments in disguise. 

 

Expectation Management 

 

If I expect a used Dodge mini-van and get a used Dodge mini-van, then I’m content. But If I want a brand-new Porsche and get a Dodge mini-van, I’m far from content. I’m unhappy. I feel deprived. But not because of the presence of the minivan or the absence of the sports car. I feel deprived because I miscalculated. I failed to calibrate the instrument of my happiness – my expectations – to my objective conditions, i.e. reality. 

 

If I expect my partner to provide the kind of support I need after a crappy day, and the dog gets more love than I do, I’m unhappy. If I expect my boss to respect my work, but get nothing but a grunt and a new impossible deadline when I turn in a big project, I’m unhappy. 

 

To put it simply, it’s all about calibrating your calculations and managing your expectations. Most of us aren’t aware of the scores of expectations we have swirling around in our head every day. From little things to big things, expectation management is huge, but expectation mismanagement can break our backs. 

 

When reality hits – whether we wake up to realise we’re out of coffee or we don’t get an amazing job we applied for – we wonder why we feel so crappy. The reason we feel crappy is the distance and dissonance between what we expected to get and what we got. 

 

Hence my conclusion that expectations are really disappointments in disguise. 

 

I discovered early in life that I was an anxious person. It had to do with being an autistic. My life was not about being happy. It was feeling safe and calm. If I knew what I had to do and I could predict what would happen next I could relax and enjoy the moment.

 

Of course I found people illogical and unpredictable. So a lot of my time was tied up, working out what someone would do next, if it was relevant to me. If not I did not bother. 

 

After a while I realized that if I set my goals and expectations to be functional, I minimised disappointment and being frustrated, angry or disappointed. The only person who had to rise to the occasion was me. Because I could control and manage me. The rest were outside my control. 

 

The clearer I became about my expectations and the tyranny of should’s and musts and so on and the more aware I became, the more relaxed I got. I am not saying this happened overnight.

 

What did happen as I got a handle on this was that the world became less and less unsafe, more and more predictable. I started enjoying my life more. People noticed how much calmer I became.      

Hitting the Jackpot 

 

Two things typically happen to lottery winners over time: 

Of course, life improves for lottery winners. Their objective conditions change significantly, but something else changes, too: their expectations. Despite the dramatic improvements in their conditions, lottery winners still manage to feel miserable. 

 

 

This happens because their entire frame of reference shifts, and after the honeymoon period of wealth is over, they return to their default mode of mismanaging expectations, even though they have more money than they had before. Similarly, when things deteriorate, they go broke, and slide back to their pre-jackpot financial situation, their expectations shrivel up and they return to where they started. 

 

On the flip side, expectations are closely associated with anticipation, wanting, and the desire for achieving great things. In that way, the fireworks of anticipation are one of the coolest aspects of being human. We imagine, we plan, we work, we accomplish. 

 

We set foot on the moon and we cure diseases that not long ago killed millions – and that’s all because we expect more. As far as we know, we’re the only species gifted with such an incredible quality. Sure, my wife's best friend's cat and dog expect things, but her expectations are different. She is thinking about a tasty treat or the anticipating her mistress's imminent return home. 

 

She is not planning – or expecting – to cure cancer or send their kittens to Mars. We humans are crazy enough to expect and plan for both of those things. 

 

I find it amusing that we’ve created an entire industry dedicated to finding out what makes us happy. It’s amusing because prophets have been telling us for thousands of years that being satisfied with what we have is far more important than getting more of what of we want. 

 

That’s how all this talk of happiness relates to decluttering: mismatched expectations creep into the gap between what we want and the world in which we live. They clutter a space that should be simple and clear. Rather than accept the moment, expectations create illusions that have nothing do with reality. 

 

My personal solution and guiding philosophy around all this is to appreciate, love, and enjoy what I have while balancing it all with the knowledge there’s more out there. It’s a skill I’ve had to develop and practice over time. 

 

Managing the balance is like the way an acrobatic team on a tightrope manages the walk across the wire: they maintain constant, dynamic, mindful, and vigilant attention to the process. You can believe they didn’t wake up one day doing their act. They had to practice their skills, just like I practice gratitude and work on managing my expectations every day. 

 

One last thing I found in my research on the topic: money won’t buy you happiness, but it might buy you a ship to sail right up to it!  

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. 

The more clear you can be about how to organise your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com. Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

In Life by Design we talk about going through a much needed eliminating unnecessary in your life. How do you , “ Declutter your Life?” It brings to mind an old routine by George Carlin——where he talks about stuff. About how modern life seems to be all about accumulating stuff. We fill our houses with stuff, and when we get too much stuff, we have to buy a bigger house so we have room for all our stuff. Our houses are really just containers to keep all our stuff.

 

And sometimes we even have to rent a storage space to keep our extra stuff. There’s a whole industry around keeping our stuff—it’s crazy.

 

The funniest part of the routine is when he talks about when we go out of town to visit friends. They put you up in their guest room, and guess what? There’s never any room to put your stuff because their stuff is everywhere.

 

I love that. Other people’s stuff is worthless, stupid stuff. But our stuff? No way. Our stuff is important. Our stuff is definitely not junk. Our stuff has meaning and value.

 

But what I realized is this: sometimes my stuff does become junk.

 

I’m talking about internal stuff, now. Not the extra knick-knacks cluttering my house I threw away a couple weeks ago. I’m talking about the ridiculous stuff that takes up space in my head. I realized that the same way I need to clean up my external life and get rid of my useless stuff,  I also need to clean up my head space. I need to clean out my brain. If I don’t, my internal stuff turns into junk.

 

It turns into head-junk.

 

Cause let's face it. You, me, all of us: we all have stuff. And if we don't deal with our stuff, it becomes junk.

 

I have mentioned in previous podcasts about the “less is more” pattern that shows up in every area of our lives. I used this idea to point out that only a few things in life really matter, and when we break it down, only a few things, ideas, or people have the biggest impact.

 

That same pattern shows up in our head-junk. Here’s an analogy to explain what I mean: I’m sure you’ve all been on picnics. Nice, peaceful, and relaxing. You spread out your blanket, enjoy your lunch, sip a little wine—and then the ants appear. It doesn’t matter if you checked the ground beforehand. Somehow they find you and invade your space. You fight back, but it doesn’t matter how many you smash. More show up—they’re automatic.

 

Automatic like the negative thoughts that pop up in our heads and start spiraling around even though we don’t invite them in and we do our best to get rid of them.

 

I also call these annoying mental patterns INTs: Internal Triggers. Just like a column of tiny little ants can ruin part of a picnic, INTs can ruin your day—at least for a while. The internal triggers start an endless spiral of internal babble where you start obsessing about what you should or should not have done and how you overlooked something and so on.

 

Do you see the connection to “less is more” in this analogy?

 

For most of us, just a few thought patterns dominate. And the negative patterns have a particular potency, especially when they’re left unnoticed and unchecked.  If you watch your thoughts very closely I bet you’ll agree.

 

If fact, I’d like to challenge to you take part in an experiment. Call it an exercise in self-awareness. Over the next few days, pay extra-close attention to your thoughts. Notice how much of your total thought-energy is taken up by shoulds, could’s, or have-to’s. Then notice how often thought patterns like those are negative and judgmental. 

 

Start to notice those INTs.   I know how I deal with the INTs in my brain—

Almost everything in your life is the result of an ongoing series of internal cognitive events, happening continuously...

 

 

So are your feelings and behaviors, what you believe and what you value, and, in fact... 

...nearly everything else about your life. It’s all a result of these internal cognitive events. 

And (this is important)...

 

 

Here's why that’s (super) important:

 

If, for instance, your feelings and behaviours are generated outside your awareness, they will happen automatically... on autopilot. 

 

Sometimes the results will be good; sometimes not.

 

 

Here's what I discovered: 

If your Internal Map of Reality runs on autopilot, you'll have to accept the consequences–which can include...

In fact, all of the problems of my younger days were the result of an Internal Map of Reality that didn't work very well.

 

And (trust me about this) all of your problems are being created, right now, in YOUR Internal Map of Reality.

 

 

I used meditative or mindfulness practice  to create enough awareness to observe my Internal Map of Reality (which, as I said, normally operates outside your awareness)...

Then, because whatever you do with awareness becomes a choice...

 

Here's why they melted away:

 

 

Don't Explain your problem (to yourself)... here's why

 

Split-brain experiments reveal a fascinating phenomenon in the left side of your brain - and that phenomenon is affecting your life right now! When the connections between the two sides of your brain are interrupted their different tendencies  come to the surface.

 

The left side of your brain wants to find a reason for why things happen - even in the face of scant or conflicting information. It’s like an explanation factory where quantity is more important than quality!

 

This tendency to form conclusions in the face of scant or conflicting information is especially important when you’re under stress because that’s when you tend most strongly toward an unthinking, habitual style of thinking, feeling and behaving - and most of us tilt negative.

 

Problems seem bigger, the world seems meaner, and you have good reasons to justify your conclusions! You need to realise this is happening and  then you can take proactive steps to  improve your life.

 

Take a conscious look at your explanatory style - how you make sense of a stressful event. This conscious exploration can affect your resilience to stress, your happiness and your productivity!

 

First think about the stressful event.

 Who was involved, and what did they say and do?

What did you think about the stressful event?

 

Now consider these questions:

Can you be sure that your first thought about the stressful situation is true?

How would you feel if you didn’t have that thought?

What’s a less stressful (more positive) way to explain the situation?

What are three reasons the more positive perspective might be equally true as your  original conclusion? 

 

The more I learn about the latest brain science discoveries, the more grateful I feel to be alive today.

Exciting, practical, life-changing discoveries are being made every day.

 

Did you know that your income level, your happiness, how much you can love or be loved, how easily you recover from setbacks--and dozens of other desirable human qualities...

...are ALL generated in your brain? 

 

What's more: scientists now know... 

That you can change your brain(what's called neuroplasticity), and...

They also know exactly HOW to change it, so you can create the qualities and capabilities you want to have, internally and externally.

 

This takes personal growth and "human potential" to a whole new level that is...

...much more precise, and much more achievable!

 

Bottom line: 

You can make specific brain changes that will allow you to...

Change the actual wiring in your brain in a way that raises your income ceiling (yes, this IS possible)...

Increase the power of your prefrontal cortex (the source of "self-regulation")--creating lots of effortless willpower...

Become naturally confident and motivated...

 Raise your threshold for stress, so the ups and downs of life just don't bother you the way they used to...

...plus a long list of other desirable qualities.

 

The first step to all of the above is practicing Awareness. The second step is mental spring cleaning or eliminating all the non-essential. So this is how I regularly do my mental spring cleaning. How about you?

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

You get your nine hours of beauty sleep regularly every night. So why do you feel so tired? You eat all the right foods or so you think. You regularly exercise thirty minutes a day. However you just can’t seem to get up and go. Even sex seem to be a chore. …

If you are fatigued and have trouble falling asleep, or sleeping restfully, suspect that caffeine may be the cause when: You drink any caffeinated beverage within three hours of bedtime You drink the equivalent of five or more cups of coffee per day You become aware that small caffeine increase makes you restless, excited, super-alert or nervous. 

You may suspect that your fatigue may be caused by caffeine overstimulation, if you drink the equivalent of five or more cups of coffee per day and if you suffer symptoms of physical hyper stimulation or a sense of depletion. If cutting down on your coffee makes you feel better, you have discovered the source of your problem.

Do you remember the times you used to feel depressed and out of sorts? Do you remember what you craved to eat at that point in time? Was it fruits and nuts? Was it salad and fruit juice? Most of you at such times would have gone for sweet things like chocolate, cookies and candies or ice-creams

The initial rush of energy or lift that you get occurs because these food products are quickly metabolised to produce blood sugar. This is precisely what happens when you crave your mid-morning cup of coffee with sugar. Initially you will get a temporary energy lift since it raises your blood sugar level. This is followed soon by a downward plunge of energy leaving you feeling worse than before, calling for a repetition of more coffee and sweets or alcohol.

When we have a simpler way of life we would strike at our enemy or run away for an emergency. The event would end and the body would return to a more normal relaxed state. In everyday situations however we are confronted with a series of stresses that arouse our bodies in the same fashion as a fight/flight emergency. No wonder you are tired. 

However many individuals don’t feel their emotions of anger, impatience, frustration or depression and despair. They may be so accustomed to being worried or hostile that they think the condition is normal. Meanwhile their bodies are falling apart as they tax it to the limit. Fatigue is the inevitable outcome.

If you want to have a constant supply of energy, forget the “three square meals a day” rule. Most meals aren’t square anyway but are likely to be unbalanced or inadequate anyway. Eat like a rabbit or squirrel. Nibble your way through healthy snacks. No, I am not suggesting that you snack on ice-cream, chocolates and sweets or pastries.

Eat health foods that build up your energy level consistently. Substitute protein for sweets and carbohydrates at your many meals. Snack on slices of fruits, nuts, a piece of raw fruit, a celery or a carrot stick.

Make a protein powder drink with your fruit juice for breakfast or lunch and you will have the juice of life to burn for hours. If you plan to attend an important meeting after lunch and you need to be mentally alert than skip the carbohydrates during lunch. Have a salad with some fish or chicken.

You could even try a protein drink with fruit juice. Sometimes though, you happen to be a really nervy type. You want to deliberately calm down and slow down at the meeting. That is when you would want to snack on rice and vegetables.

Skip the protein foods for they will make you overly alert. Another quick energy boosting routine is to eat a little fat. That’s right fat. I can imagine some of you shaking your head and thinking “Now I have really heard it all”.

Researchers have learnt that a little fat is necessary to make your gall bladder work. I have heard of horror stories of people who have had their gall bladder shut down on them because went they went on a diet and did not take any fat at all. They needed surgery after that.

Taking a little fat staves of hunger as well as fatigue for hours, Either add a bit of cold-pressed vegetable oil to your protein drink before you blend it (you will never notice it there) or add more oil to your salad at mealtimes and drink only the remains from the bowl.

Each one of us has a different ‘peak time’ or highest-energy time of the day. Some of us are morning people, others have more energy around mid-afternoon, while some people feel their best at night. Most people know instinctively when they are having their ‘up’ and ‘down’ times.

And you probably don’t get just one of these: some people feel up in the morning, down in the afternoon, and up again in the early evening.

 

Our body has many different rhythms or cycles. Many of us are familiar with Circadian Rhythms. These are twenty-four-hour cycles of wakefulness and sleep.

 

Another important cycle is called the Ultradian Rhythm, a recurrent period or cycle repeated throughout a twenty-four-hour circadian day. Within the one-day (twenty-four-hour) circadian rhythm, researchers have found shorter, ultradian rhythms. We experience an Ultradian Rhythm every 90 to 120 minutes. You have probably experienced this many times: you were working hard, feeling energised and productive, thereafter you started to tire a bit and lose your focus after a while. 

This normally occurs after about an hour and a half to two hours. It is a bit different for each person. The Ultradian cycle is the most important cycle for high performance.

 

The idea with 60-60-30 is for us to use sixty-minute chunks of time to focus on a single thing. We put two of these chunks together then we spend thirty minutes completely relaxing and eating a small healthy meal.

 

One reason this can be so powerful is because if you don’t take these breaks, you’ll burn your energy reserves and your will-power, and damage the system that allows you to renew. By taking these breaks, you help your renewal system to heal and become more effective.

 

The 60-minute chunks are actually three cycles of fifteen minutes focused on the task, then a short fifteen-minute break followed by a second round of four cycles of fifteen minutes. I use little timer, set it to forty-five minutes, and put it to the side of my desk. What’s great about it

is it frees me to completely focus for the next forty-five minutes. I know that I don’t need to check emails or voicemails for forty-five minutes. When it beeps, I set it for fifteen minutes then I go stretch, move around, and in general do something different.

 

Forcing ourselves to work through with sheer determination as our energy wanes is counterproductive. This is like reading a book when we are tired; we ending up reading the same paragraph over and over again, until we either fall asleep with book (or Nook or Kindle or iPad)

in hand, or realize that we must stop. Only then can we regain our focus and comprehension.

 

Another common strategy when we find ourselves nearing the end of one of our Ultradian Rhythms is to pump ourselves up with caffeine and/or sugar or to ‘power through’ the energy drop. Or grabbing one of those energy drinks to keep going  even when we want to crash.

 

To sustain peak performance, we need to manage our energy throughout the day. We allow our body and mind to renew by taking periodic breaks every ninety minutes. By working with our natural (down) cycles, we can become many times more effective and productive throughout the day.

After almost 30 years of seeing clients with a range of fatigue conditions, we have come to the following factors that could underlie as serious case of fatigue. These factors are:

Digestive Issues: Food Allergies, Parasites and Yeast
 Chemical Poisons: Could include Heavy Metal Toxicity and Organic Poisons
 Nutritional Deficiencies: Iron, B12, Folic Acid

Hormonal: Hypoglycemia, Hypothyroid, Female Hormonal Imbalance, Adrenal Fatigue

Emotional: Unfinished business, cognitive overwhelm, grief

 

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

A great deal of time is spent in early childhood and young adulthood conforming. It is very traumatic to question one's true identity and, when discovered, to then feel it necessary to keep it secret from one's inner self, the outside world and one’s own family. 

Our Early childhood programming overview:        

•       We all begin life in a state of relaxed and joyful bliss. 

•       If our wants and needs are met, our state of relaxed and joyful bliss is sustained. Otherwise as our needs become increasingly unmet, negative programming begins 

•       Our unmet need causes fear and pain. In our infantile ignorance, we have no idea how to change it and restore our feeling of safety. We adopt primitive coping mechanisms.

At the same time, throughout our childhood, we are also being programmed by our caretakers and communities to fit into society. We are programmed to do what we can to gain love and acceptance. 

•       We split off, repress or disown parts of ourselves that society finds challenging or unacceptable. Those of us with good enough caretakers get by; Those who don’t, have their lives handicapped. 

•        We have the illusion that we have freedom of choice when it comes to choosing our life. However our unconscious has an agenda of its own.

•       Our primitive "old" brain has a compelling, non-negotiable drive and programming to restore us to the original blueprint.

•       To restore us, the damage done in childhood as a result of unmet needs must be repaired. The way the unconscious does that is to design a life that would give us what our caretakers failed to provide.

•       Every transaction of pleasure and pain in childhood, has scarred us, and we're always trying to replicate these transactions as we scan our environment for a suitable life partner.

•       This image of "the Internal Program" who can make me whole again" I call the “Internalised Program”.

•       Consciously we may seek only the positive traits, unconsciously the negative traits of our caretakers are in our “Internalised Program”. These traits caused the painful experiences we now seek to heal. Our unconscious seeks to restore us by a Program that reminds us of our caretakers. In other words, we look for Program circumstances that replicates the same deficits that hurt us in the first place.

•       So when we fall in love, we do so with someone who is the sum total of all our caretaker characteristics. We end up in careers, life circumstances that recreates the essence of our caretaker’s lives.

•       This guarantees more of the same pain and wounding that we experienced as children until you learn to recognise this and move into a more aware way of living. Otherwise you experience the hurts of your childhood all over again and wonder why love and life hurts.  

•       Why is it great that we experience this conflict?  Because of the conflict we become aware and we grow and make new choices.

•       This is as natural selection mechanism. Everything in nature is evolving by overcoming a challenge. This can be seen as conflict or emergence. Conflict that leads to higher levels of organization or emergence is a sign that the psyche is trying to survive, to get its needs met and become whole. It's only without this knowledge that conflict is destructive.  

•       Simply changing circumstances without emergence does not solve the problems. We may change our partners, jobs, houses, but we keep our problems, carrying them forward into the next relationship, house or job. You can do this by undoing the fundamental negative childhood programs  

Plato a famous Greek philosopher in his book “The Republic” has his teacher Socrates recount the allegory of the cave. 

A group of people have lived chained up in a deep cave since birth, never ever seeing daylight and seeing only ahead. Behind them is a partial wall and a fire between the prisoners and the partial wall. There are various statues manipulated by a hidden group (representing all the forces that program and influence us) behind the partial wall that the prisoners cannot see.  

The prisoners see the shadows cast by the statutes move and think they are real. Most people mistake the products of their deletion, generalisation, distortions and projections as real and reflecting reality. They mistake their internal map of the world for the real world.   

These prisoners represent people never asked questions about their lives. They have never realized their mental models were controlling them.

One of the prisoners is freed from his bonds and forced to confront the reality of the fire and statutes themselves. This is what happens when one day you wake up and something shocking happens (you lose your job or someone close to you dies) and you are shaken out of your trance state or default mode and forced to see the world as it is.    

So the prisoner faces pain and confusion initially because his eyes are not used to the light. He then realizes that he is seeing the reality for the first time as opposed to the shadows formed by the fire and the statues, he previously saw.  

He now accepts the fire and statues as most real. This stage in the cave represents belief. He is still unaware that there that there are things of greater reality—a world beyond his cave.

Like the prisoner, the first step to freedom is when you begin to wake up from your dream state and your default modes.

Next, this prisoner is dragged out of the cave into world of sunlight where his eyes are blinded. Initially he can only look at shadows, then at reflections.

Finally he can see what is real: trees, flowers, houses and so on. He sees that these are even more real than the statues were, and that those were only copies of these. He has now reached the cognitive stage of thought. He has caught his first glimpse of the most real things, as they are.

When the prisoner’s eyes have fully adjusted to the brightness, he lifts head and sees   the sun. He understands that the sun is the root cause of everything around him—the light, his capacity for sight, the existence of flowers, trees, and other objects. 

When you who wake up from your dream state and your default modes fully and see the world for what it is, you become fully capable of choosing.

So only true choice is that you can design and build new default programs/habits after you have awareness and clarity. Otherwise even if you hit all your goals and targets you are simply repeating the same old formula. This is the only way to have forward movement in your life. This is the secret that most programs to do not address. So even after you achieve all your goals there is a feeling of lack and inadequacy.

So often we build up things in our mind. And it really comes down to making that one single commitment.  So I let me ask you this today, as we’ve been talking about this, you probably thought of a commitment you need to make right? Maybe it’s a tough conversation you need to have. Maybe it’s an action you need to take. What is it for you? What’s the thing that’s going to move the needle?

 It may push you outside of your comfort zone but listen, all the important stuff happens outside of your comfort zone. If you feel uncomfortable just thinking about this, fantastic!  Embrace it. That’s right were you should be. Nothing really good happens inside the comfort zone. What is the next single commitment that you need to make? Again if you want to live a life by design, if you want to be courageous, not live by default, not be in over drive. These are the 3 questions you need to answer if you haven’t already:

Number one, “What would your ideal life 5 years in the future look like?” 

Number two “If you continued what you are doing now, would you feel fulfilled 5 years in the future?”

Number three, “What commitment will you make now to your ideal future?” 

Now you are clear about the questions you need to answer to live a life by design, the next obvious step is the practicality of implementing this on a daily basis. For example, how will your everyday life change from what you are currently doing? How your daily decisions be different based on the answers to the questions we discussed today? And how will you manage your time so you are giving attention to the things that matter most. It’s all just dreams and wishes unless we take our 30,000 foot view of our ideal life and bring it down to practical, daily actions. 

To make positive change and break the rhythm and routine that isn’t serving us, we’ve have to change. So go ahead and answer the three questions above. I can't wait to see what new breakthroughs you will make.  

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Do you find yourself at the mercy of your emotions, a victim of reaction, behaving in ways that you’re not proud of and often regret? 

Are you one of the millions of people who avoid conflict and confrontation because you don’t know how to deal with other people’s emotions? 

Perhaps you avoid emotions entirely, not allowing yourself to feel deeply – out of fear or simply because you never learned how to experience, enjoy, and manage deep emotions such as love, joy, sadness, or happiness.

Perhaps you have become numb to emotions, not recognising what or that you’re feeling something. Without the skills to handle them, you might “stuff” your emotions, exploding at some later time when you reach your breaking point.

Then there are those who were taught not to feel, who grew up learning that feelings were bad and you shouldn’t have them at all. And when you do feel something, you cannot let anyone know about it. Well, you’re not alone. Everyone has emotions and many people have no idea what to do with their emotions when they experience them. So, welcome to the Club.

Learning more about emotions, understanding what happens to you when you become emotional; learning to control yourself and your responses to emotions are your personal responsibility as an adult – regardless of what you may have learned or witnessed as a child – and they a big part of living a successful life.

Success cannot only be defined by what you do or what you have; it’s defined in your heart by how you feel about how you are living your life, the things you do, and the impact you make on others including how you make other people feel. Emotions are what make life grand. Emotions bring life to living.

It means being able to recognise and manage your emotions as well as control your behavior in response to emotion. It also means you are aware of the emotions of others and are able to manage relationships using empathy and competence. This is the practice of becoming emotionally confident and it takes time, vigilance, and practice in order to enjoy your emotions and respond to them appropriately as well as becoming more adept at handling the emotions of others and dealing with conflict.

Obviously, the better you are at knowing and managing yourself and your emotions, the better you become at dealing with other people’s emotions. The first step in learning about emotions is to become more conscious to what you are feeling in any given moment.

When your friend, employee, child or spouse doesn’t behave or perform in the way you had expected, it may seem natural to feel very angry, frustrated or resentful. But ultimately, will a strong flood of uncontrolled emotion get you the results you need? How do you find a better way?

A staff member doesn’t handle a problem with a customer well, and you, as the manager, are upset. You think to yourself, “Why on earth would he do such a thing? Doesn’t he know better? He should know that’s not how to deal with a customer!”

Your young child is playing upstairs. You decide to go and check on her and discover that she’s been drawing on the wall. “Look at my beautiful picture!” this small face smiles up to you. You, of course, are enraged and think before responding, “Haven’t I taught her not to draw on the wall? Doesn’t she know better?”

There are probably thousands of examples of these moments, moments when you think “What would make someone do that?” It is at this very moment when we reach a fork in the road and quite often, we get stuck. The stuck point is the assumption that the person knows better. This is the expectation. You have an expectation for how an employee should behave, how your children should behave, how things should function, even how you should be and what you should do. This the tyranny of the “shoulds”.

Now one of the illusions of our culture is that you can do it all. And you know,  I just don’t buy it. I believe you can do anything you want, you just can’t do everything you want and so if you are going to live a designed life it has to be based on priorities, i.e. intentionally choosing

priorities that will guide your life.

 

Now you certainly know what’s important to your husband or your wife. You probably know what is important to your boss. You may know what’s important to your parents, or your kids. But who is setting the priorities of your life? What’s important to you? Are you being honest with yourself?

 

Gabriel is a friend and client. And of course I am not using my friend's real name.  We went to school together. Gabriel had attended my personal development programs. He consistently put other people in his life first. Gabriel had carefully worked out his financial plans so that when he retired he would have financial security six years in the future. When I met Gabriel’s older brother, I felt disturbed. In my opinion, Gabriel and his brother had a serious co-dependent

relationship.

 

Gabriel also had challenges with his ex-wife about getting access to his children. He later confided that he was backing his brother’s businesses financially. I finally told Gabriel that he needed to do significant emotional work about his relationships with people. 

 

That it would take one year. If he chose not to do this, it would have serious repercussions on his future. I also mentioned that I would need to maintain strict neutrality and not hang out with him as a friend for that one year. Gabriel told me that it sounded too painful to do that type of work and he would prefer that we remained as friends.

 

Fast forward five years. Gabriel’s brother defaulted on his loan, and the banks foreclosed on the loan. Since Gabriel was the guarantor of the loan, they went after him. In one year’s time Gabriel would have achieved financial freedom for life. Instead at that point in time Gabriel was declared bankrupt. He then came in, too little, too late, to do emotional healing. Gabriel got very stressed. 

 

A latent heart problem got activated and became life threatening. He needed surgery to carry on.

Fortunately, Gabriel survived the surgery.

 

If you continue like you are doing now, would you feel fulfilled five years in the future? Or do you need a rapid reality check on where you are going in your life?

Expectations in and of themselves are not bad. We need to have some direction, some vision, and some idea of what we want. Of course, some expectations are unrealistic and this causes tremendous stress, anxiety, anger, struggle, and discontent. But other expectations are reasonable and realistic. Whatever the case, it’s not having the expectation that gets us in trouble; it’s when the expectation is not met that gives us difficulty.

When your expectations are not met, you can experience a psychological response including anger, resentment, anxiety, frustration, disappointment, etc. In fact, disappointment always points to an unmet expectation.

 This physiological response often causes people to choose the path at the fork that leads to what I call “The Ugly,” the inappropriate, unproductive, and unprofessional expression of emotion – loss of temper, yelling, conflict, bad feelings, name-calling, gossip, etc. In fact, this response leads to poor relationships, decreases morale, and can be deadly to a leader’s reputation as well as detrimental to the environment or culture of the workplace or your home. 

It leads to fear, causes shame, and requires effort to correct as well as time to heal. The opportunity for choosing a better response is at the stuck point, that moment when you feel the anger start or the frustration creep in. 

What are you assuming here? Take a step back and question your assumption. That is the beginning of running your mind. This is the beginning of making a choice to embrace peace and happiness.

The pursuit of happiness is not about embracing hedonism. It is about recognizing what matters to you. What matters to the others in your life? Then armed with this you pursue the outcomes in a way congruent with you and your values. Along the way, stop and smell the flowers. When you run into obstacles and road blocks embrace the leaning.

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

 

I bet you know...and you probably know whether you are ahead of your coworkers and family members, too. 

 

I look for ways to increase my steps all day long.... I take the stairs, walk to lunch...

 

"What do you measure (and manage)? For instance, exactly how many steps do you walk each day? More than a thousand? More than ten thousand? As Peter Drucker famously said, “What gets measured gets managed.” When details come to the forefront, behavior changes. Data can make people more likely to take action. 

 

Until recently, I didn’t have the faintest idea of my number of daily steps. Or my heart rate. Or my sleep cycles. That information didn’t seem relevant, and certainly not fascinating. 

 

Then I got a Fitbit activity monitor—a souped-up pedometer on the wrist. This nifty device illustrates the principle that people work harder to improve performance if they can measure their progress. It collects precise stats about your daily activity, transforming minutiae into a storyline. 

 

By weaving the details together, the Fitbit causes dull facts to become an addictive scoreboard. I can see how many steps my family and friends have taken. Once a day, my wrist buzzes and lights up, telling me that I’ve walked my ten thousand step goal. 

 

Party on the wrist! Even detail-averse folks can get sucked into this addictive gamification. As a result, Fitbit’s market cap is approaching that of the NBA." 

What and how do you measure what happens in your life?

 

What if we can seize control of our lives instead of being at the mercy of a media that encourages conspicuous consumption? What if we choose to do only what adds meaning and value to our lives, the lives of our families, and communities?

 

Everything changes when we accept accountability for our lives, when we exercise our freedom to choose wisely and well. We can ascend to the next level of achievement and growth in our lives when we replace what we find trivial with what makes the vital difference. We are no longer trapped in other people’s agendas. We are free to make meaningful choices.

 

What if instead of buying more stuff, we focused on creating more space to think, breathe, and be? What if we stopped trying so hard to make money we don’t need, to buy things we don’t want, to impress people we don’t really care about?

 

What if we stopped measuring our progress in life by how busy we are? Instead, we measured it by how much time we spent meditating, pondering, communicating, and enjoying time with the most important people in our lives. How would we live differently?

 

I have always been acutely aware of how little time I have and how limited my energy and resources are. So I need to make sure that I use my time and energy optimally to make a difference to myself, my family, and my community.

 

As a physician, professor, entrepreneur and author, I’ve always had really big goals. And for a long time, I was very focused on my career. The outside world was doing well. The problem was that I achieved these big goals at the expense of my family and health. 

 

Finally, I realized that everything that really mattered to me was suffering. I understood that the wins were not worth the trade-offs; I knew something had to change. This was true not only for my personal life but also for my professional life.

 

I had the time to reflect on the meaning of my life when I had a near death  experience when I was about forty-two. Years from now, when I reach the same point again, I want to make sure I have no regrets about how I spent my time after that near-death experience.  My hope is that you don't have to go through a near death experience to start getting clear about what matters.

 

As you go through each day, jot down your activities and how long you spend on each activity. Be as accurate as you can. After you complete three days of activity tracking, go back and categorize your activities by business-related profit-producing, business-related nonprofit-producing, and personal.

 

You can also include any categories you think are important and applicable to this exercise and your business. Make sure you make a note of the results you achieve from the time spent on each activity. Add up the time you spend on each category of activities over the three-day period. Add up the total time spent then calculate the percentage of the total that was spent on each category.

 

I know we did a variation of this exercise the last time. This time though, I want to you to estimate what all of the above activities are costing you not just in terms of time but also in terms of effort, energy and money. Also is there an opportunity cost involved in what you are doing? Have you calculated that or factored that in?

What are the returns on how you are living your life this way also in terms of effort, energy and money?

Hopefully you can quantify the above. If you have challenges quantifying the above, it means that those areas represent areas of your life that are unexamined.

 

If you’re getting 20 percent of your results from 80 percent of your business activities, think about what needs to happen to turn the 80/20 rule in your favor. It’s all about knowing the value of your time and when your most productive time occurs. Then you can start leveraging

your strengths to achieve your profitable activities before you spend time on anything else, especially non-profitable activities.

 

What does this mean for your business or your life? Unless you commit to continually increase the value of your time, you will not be making the kind of money in your business you want or working the fewer number of hours you want.

 

There is no free time. You pay for all your time with your life. If you don’t use it, you lose it and all its effects: your income level, your health, and your relationships. In short, if you don’t value your time, no one else will.

 

It always intrigues me that people generally have no idea what their time is worth and how to increase its value. So the question is, “What is your time worth?” Do you know what your time is worth? Do you know how to value your time to achieve your income goals?

 

Unless you know the value of your time, your capability to make effective decisions on what you should or shouldn’t be doing, whether you should be delegating, is fatally compromised.

 

This exercise challenges your perception of the value of time. If you’re honest — and I hope for your sake you are — you get tremendous clarity about why you are or are not be making the kind of progress you want. You and I both know it’s easy to fall onto the trap of ‘everyday

life’.

 

Every year that passes is another year that we can end up drifting further and further away from the life we truly want. The seeds of doubt start creeping in. We think: maybe I was never meant to be a writer, maybe she never really loved me, or maybe I’ ll never be able to lose this weight.

Deep down we know what we’re capable of, but the idea of reaching that potential becomes a steeper and steeper hill to climb.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast, I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

Prioritising, planning and scheduling is the process by which you design your life. By doing so you can reduce your stress levels and maximise your effectiveness.

 

Follow this nine-step process to prepare and implement:

 

1. Decide on the essential priorities necessary for you to succeed in your job/business/life.

2. Identify the time/resources you have available.

3. Identify what goals and targets you need to achieve.

4. Identify what is irrelevant, intrusive, and drains energy.

5. Eliminate habits and behaviors and commitments that do not serve you.

6. Create firewalls to protect your boundaries and learn to reject what doesn’t serve you.

7. Schedule the goals and targets you need to achieve to meet your priorities.

8. Ensure that you have the right habits in place to achieve your targets.

9. Execute your plan and course correct.

 

It’s crucial for your professional and personal goals that you schedule your time. If you have little or no discretionary time left when you reach Step 7 above, revisit your tasks to see if you can do them differently. Otherwise, your work-life balance will suffer.

 

Here are twelve time-management habits. Tailor these as you like, but whichever you’re working on, ensure you do so in twenty-one-day cycles.

Habit 1: Strive to be authentic. Be as honest with yourself as you can about what you want and why you do what you do.

Habit 2: Favour trusting relationships. Build relationships with people you can trust and count on. Ensure those same people can trust and count on you. Train your staff to assume greater responsibility. This will free up your time.

 

Habit 3: Maintain a lifestyle that will give you maximum energy. This includes exercise for at least 120 minutes a week, sufficient sleep, and an appropriate lunch.

 

Habit 4: Listen to your biorhythms and organise your day accordingly. Schedule your tasks based on how your energy fluctuates throughout the day. Stop working impossible hours trying to do it all on your own.

 

Habit 5: Set very few priorities and stick to them. Plan your time so you are working on a maximum of two things, both of which are your highest priorities. The negative effects of bad meetings are much more dramatic than the positive impact of good sessions.

 

Habit 6: Turn down things that are inconsistent with your priorities. Saying “No” to other people will make you more productive. Stop people pleasing and be more driven by your values and your priorities. One of the more common reasons for overwhelm and burnout is not  being able to say "no" and protecting your time and energy for what truly matters.    

 

Habit 7: Set aside time for focused effort. Schedule time every day to work on just one thing. We have spoken about how “attention fragmentation” afflicting the always-connected executive harms productivity and happiness.

 

Habit 8: Automate repetitive tasks and improve them if possible. Consider ways of doing things better and faster. Consider using templates.

 

Habit 9: Build solid processes. Set up processes that last and that run without your attention.

 

Habit 10: Spot trouble ahead and solve problems immediately. Anticipate potential problems and build solutions for them in advance. The further in time you project, the more potential problems you can anticipate. The idea is not to be overwhelmed by all this but to design just in time solutions. 

Habit 11: Chunk up your work into small units. Focus on one unit at a time. Instead of dreaming about the big goal, spend most of your time working on what’s in front of you.

 

Habit 12: Unless there’s a good reason to give it up, don’t terminate what you considered worth starting. Stop doing what’s no longer worthwhile; finish what’s important.

 

 

 

 

1. Identify the core business beliefs you need to succeed: I believe the

following things are true and they are how I want to run my business (Write down ten.) This is also the time to look at these beliefs and decide if they are really valid or are archaic shadows from your past and limiting beliefs.  

 

2. Your Personal Vision: Write out all that you want to be, have and do if money were no object. How much money would you like to have flow through your life to make this happen?

 

3. Your Company Vision: Write out your company vision as if it were already true (present tense). Include the value of your company and any other details you want to make sure happen

for you.

 

4. Your Ideal Future: Write your ideal future here. What will you see, feel, hear and touch when you are living your ideal future? Who will you be sharing this ideal future with? How will you look, behave and feel when you are living this future? Who will you be working with?  Have fun with it!

 

Average success is often based on setting average goals. Decide what you really want: to be the best, the fastest, the cheapest, the biggest, whatever. Aim for the ultimate. Decide where you want to end up. That is your goal.

 

Then you can work backwards and lay out every step along the way. Never start small where goals are concerned. You’ll make better decisions — and find it much easier to work a lot harder — when your ultimate goal is ultimate success.

 

Achieving a goal — no matter how huge — isn’t the finish line for highly successful people. Achieving one huge goal just creates a launching pad for achieving another huge goal.

 

Maybe you want to create a  hundred-million business; once you do that you can leverage your contacts and influence to create a charitable foundation for a cause you believe in. Then your business and humanitarian success can create a platform for speaking, writing, and thought leadership. The process of becoming remarkably successful in one field will give you the skills and network to be remarkably successful in many other fields. Remarkably successful people don’t try to win just one race; they expect and plan to win a number of subsequent races.

 

5. Long-Term Targets: Pick a specific date somewhere between three and five years from now. Write down the long-term targets you want to have accomplished by that date for your business.

 

My general experience is that we very often over-estimate what we can do in one year and under-estimate what we can do in five. So the impact of picking a longer term target is that it helps to focus the current short term target as well as helping you create a detailed map of how to get there.     

 

6. Long-Term Priorities: Write down the most important areas of your business to focus on in order to accomplish your long-term targets. Write down ten, but identify your top five and then write them down.

 

7. Short-term Goals: Pick a specific date somewhere about one year from now. Write down the short- term goal that you want to have accomplished by that date for your business. 

 

8. Top Five Short-term Areas of Focus: Write down the most important areas of your business to focus on in order to accomplish your short-term goals. Write down ten then identify your top five. 

 

9. Key Metrics: Write down all the things you may want to measure in your business. Write down the four things you will measure on a weekly basis to ensure you hit your short-term goals. 

 

10. Key Short-Term Area of Focus: Detail what all the Weekly Tasks aim to accomplish. 

 

11. Quarterly Initiatives: Write down your first Key Short-Term Area of Focus then break it down into no more than five quarterly initiatives. 

 

12. Weekly Tasks: Break down each quarterly initiative for the upcoming quarter into smaller tasks. Write down how long each task will take. Go back and break down any tasks that are longer than thirty minutes into smaller tasks. 

 

You are done when all tasks on your list are no more than thirty minutes long or two cycles on 15 minutes. These tasks must also be routine and easily accomplished and better still can be delegated. If they are not routine tasks, then they have not been defined accurately and chunked down appropriately.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

 

They get rid of the junk, replace the sick cells, put new ones in place, etc. The interesting insight here is that these processes can’t be impacted consciously.

 

Life is a marathon, not a sprint. So unless there is a continuous and ongoing attempt at self-evaluation and self-renewal you may not even reach the finish line before dropping out of the race.  

 

You can’t just say, “OK, stop feeling depressed right now”, or “OK, start attacking the cancer cells” to make it happen. When you realise this, you’ll understand the power of renewal and how

to use it. 

 

You’ll understand that you need to provide yourself with basic building blocks so your systems can renew themselves automatically, as they’re designed to. You’ll also need to stop doing the things that prevent these systems from renewing themselves.

 

On a physical level, most people want to feel better, more energetic, etc. If you don’t feel this way, you’re probably not giving your body the necessary building blocks. Water is one of these building blocks. 

 

On an emotional level, we have processes that let us take advantage of opportunities and become optimistic, and processes that put us in a natural cycle of grieving when we lose something special to us. But many people block these natural emotional cycles, often with tension.

 

Inspire positive emotions by doing things that make you feel good inside, e.g. mentoring someone, doing something for another without expecting anything in return, etc.

 

On a mental level, the mind has processes to keep ourselves mentally healthy, for example with sleep and dreaming. If you don’t know what to do to avoid blocking these processes, you won’t be operating as well as you can.

 

One super important key here is to learn how to rest correctly and deeply, rather than resist resting or experience anxiety about resting. Pay attention to when you start feeling tired or unfocused. It’s your body telling you there’s a cycle that needs to be honoured.

 

Your digestive system is super important. Chew your food thoroughly. Eat small meals and try not to snack between. Drink water about thirty minutes before a meal instead of drinking with the meal (it dilutes your stomach acid).

 

Your respiratory system is also, obviously, critical. Practice breathing from your stomach — like a baby does — instead of from your upper chest.

 

Your muscular and skeletal system is vital. Your body balances itself when it’s moving. Spend thirty-sixty minutes a day moving your body. Stretch. Your immune system is important, too. Eat raw and organic foods when you can.

There are certain natural time cycles that everyone goes through. We can choose to work with these time cycles or be out of synch with them. Most of us normally work with these cycles of time in an instinctive, automatic fashion.

 

The overview below is a summary from the very excellent book The Seasons of a Man’s Life by Daniel Levinson. For the purposes of managing time, I will draw a very sharp distinction between the use of willpower and goal setting at different times in our lives.

 

There are many theories and models about developmental psychology and life structures. These include the likes of Erik Erikson, Sigmund Freud, Jean Piaget, and others.

 

Life structure refers to the underlying pattern in an individual’s life at any given point in time. A person’s life structure is shaped mainly by his social and physical environment, and it primarily involves family and work. 

 

There are six stages of adulthood in Levinson’s book. From early childhood up to age twenty-two, the use of willpower in running one’s life and in goal setting is crucial. In fact, those who fail to do so pay the price by not having these faculties developed later on in life. This is when the 10,000-hour rule comes into play. 

 

However, after age twenty-two, willpower must be used more and more sparingly because it ends up exhausting your cognitive, affective, and cognitive aspects of your psyche. The cognitive part of the brain measures intelligence, the affective deals with emotions, and the cognitive drives how one acts on those thoughts and feelings.

 

Once these faculties are exhausted, you will go back to making choices the way you have always done. You become a legal adult at eighteen or twenty-one, depending on the laws of your country or state, but you reach your biological adulthood only at thirty-five. 

 

Once this occurs, the rate at which your cells break down speeds up. So the energy required to exert the use of your willpower will be used up faster. 

 

So the more the number of positive habits you have to develop to manage your life better, the harder it gets. It’s therefore crucial that you develop the right habits as early as you can. 

 

If you want to successfully manage time later (after thirty-five) in your life, learn the right habits

first. Keeping to a regular schedule of waking up on time, having all your meals on time, sleeping on time, etc... all these seemingly-small habits contribute.

 

In Levinson’s Life Structure theory there are two key concepts:

1. The Stable Period — This is the time when a person makes crucial choices in life.

 

2. The Transitional Period — This is the end of one stage of adulthood and the beginning of a new one. Life during these transitions can be uncertain but the quality and significance of

one’s life commitments often change between the beginning and end of a period.

 

I have mentioned the two different ways of living your life. The model adopted by my father. He was swept up in the current, coasting along, not choosing his destination and ending up in a place he never would have chosen if he had consciously been aware of it. 

 

He was pulled in a hundred different directions and whichever pulled hardest was the focus for the day, week or month. 

 

Unfortunately, that’s how a lot of people approach life. They just operate automatically. They are caught up in life’s distractions. They don’t think about where they might be going, and before long they end up at a destination they would not have chosen if they were conscious of what they were choosing. 

 

The unintended destination may be a health crisis, a marital crisis, a business failure, or a career upset; whatever it is, they end up in a place far from what they thought they were going.

 

But the alternative — that’s where I was, and you may be there too — is what I call “The Compulsive Life”. This is the overcorrection to “Coasting Along”. This is the type of person that takes great pride in setting and achieving goals. They are hyper-driven on making progress.

 

But this person is so driven at excelling in one area of their life that they often neglect the other areas, and that’s what happened to me. You ignore, until it is too late, whatever does not contribute to your goals.

 

And if you are not careful, it can lead to the destruction of important relationships, your health, and a lot more. We get so rewarded for being successful and appreciated for being ‘On time, on target’ that we keep doing more and more.

 

 

Both these approaches will result in the individual in question struggling to deal with the mid-life crisis or transition that affects everyone from about 45 to 55. Those who fail to deal well with this phase will watch the breakdown of their health, their relationships and sometimes even their finances.  

 

So renewal is an ongoing dynamic process that takes different forms as well progress through life.  

 

• Identifying the Core Priority

• Waking up

• Getting ready to work

• Winding down before sleep

• Dealing with relationships (Work and Personal)

• Dealing with Challenges

• Problem Solving

• Renewal (physical, emotional and mental)

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organise your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design. 

the state called Awareness.

 

Awareness is when we remember we’re alive. We zoom out for a second and see the bigger picture. Imagine you get in a major car accident, and it shocks you so much that you call up all the people you love and tell them you love them. That’s Awareness.

 

The rarest and most precious form of ENERGY we have is Will Power. We get a tiny bit of it each day, and we often waste it on things that aren’t that important (like holding back our true emotions). Now, it takes about twenty-one days to form a new habit. If you do something every day, it’ll take on a life of its own after twenty-one days.

 

Days 1-7 is the first phase. I call it Defying Inertia. Inertia is the innate resistance to change. Everything inside you will tell you, “No, I don’t want to do that!” 

 

Days 8-14 is the second phase. I call it Resistance. You’re no longer defiant, but you still have to push through. You don’t naturally feel like doing it yet.

 

Days 15-21is the third phase. I call it Acclimation. The resistance starts going away, and it begins to feel like what you are doing is the natural thing to do.

 

Here’s how this ties back to Awareness and Will Power. When we get some Awareness and Will Power, we can use them to start or develop a new habit (what I call a Routine). That way, twenty-one days later it’ll have a life of its own, and you won’t need more Awareness or Will Power to keep it going.

 

Then, the next time you get Awareness or Will Power, use them to start a NEW habit, and repeat the cycle. When you do, you’ll become so productive you won’t even believe it.

 

The goal is to work in a way that creates not only great results but also satisfaction and enjoyment for us. We don’t need to become robots that just produce results, but we also don’t need to get swept away by things that give us immediate pleasure but cost us results we’d proud of having, that make a difference in our life.

 

Another important element that’s often overlooked is that it’s the TRANSITIONS that often trip us up. If you want to start going to the gym, you have to plan for the ‘on ramp’. If you don’t, and spend time looking for your clothes, shoes, or keys, your time gets cut short, causing you to fail before you even get started. The same goes for your ‘off ramp’ when you get done working out and re-join your track for the rest of your day.

 

Planning for these ramps will increase the chance that the new ritual will stick, and reduce your anxiety and sense of ‘rushing’. Most people who are trying to learn a new habit or ritual use Will Power to move through it. If you do so, you will probably find that after half an hour or an hour, you are exhausted. The moment you are exhausted, you will go back to your former habits because there is simply no more energy left. After a few days of this, you will conclude that you are incapable of learning a new habit.

 

I once saw a lady in my practice who wanted to learn three new habits at the same time. I explained to her that she was setting herself up to fail. Those entrepreneurs I work with who get this point go on to design very effective work schedules.

 

The quality aspect of focus is WHAT you are focusing on. For example, the outcome you want rather than just the work in front of you. Additionally, as we build our ability to focus on just one thing at a time, we want to work on our ability to focus for longer and longer periods of time. That’s the quantity aspect. Right now, how long can you work on one thing at a time before you go check your email or voicemail? 

 

And how many different things do you focus on during the day? 

 

We want to work our way up to focus for a full forty-five minutes on just one thing. Most people don’t focus on one thing long enough to get big results. We want to fix that.

 

In life, we have a few leverage points that can give us tremendous results. These are things we usually have to be proactive about, to go and get done. These include things such as educating ourselves, working out, etc. You must be the one to decide to do these things. If you have a business, there are just a few places where most of the leverage exists.

 

The same goes for your relationships and health. Most times when someone starts something and they cannot carry on or they procrastinate, it’s either because they don’t know how or they have unmet emotional needs. 

 

I have found that when you can break something down to fifteen-minute chunks, it becomes something that you can do.

 

The converse of the above is that if you cannot break down a project into doable fifteen-minute chunks, you cannot even start the project. I have written twenty books, published about ten of them, and developed new business projects using this rule. 

 

When I cannot provide chapter headings for the main ten or twelve chapters of the book in fifteen minutes, I know I am not ready to write the book.

 

When you don’t know how to do something, you simply need to learn how to do it. For example, you are supposed to balance your cheque book, but keep procrastinating. Finally, you can’t put it off any longer, but when you sit down to do it you don’t know what to do because your business manager who normally does it is now on vacation. 

 

Simply having someone walk you through the steps once or twice would have solved the problem. 

 

By learning to accept feedback and constructive criticism, you will be able to expand your thinking and become much more creative. 

 

Part of setting good goals is thinking about how you will achieve them. The important part of the process is how you manage that change and how you can grow as a result.

 

You may choose to have an accountability partner. If you are doing the online coaching version of Freedom Formula, every time you have a coaching call you have the opportunity to be held accountable.

 

In order to get leverage if you just focused on three things, for forty-five minutes each, and did this every single day, what would those three things be? Make the list.

 

Next, what would the outcome be if you focused on each of these three things for the next three-five years. Write down the actions required for each of them.

 

Pause the audio for a while if you need to.

 

It’s important to focus on what you want to achieve, not on what you want to avoid. Your unconscious mind doesn’t know how to get rid of the “Don’t” part of a thought, so if you’re focused on the negative you’ll attract more of it into your life.

 

For example, if you say to yourself, “Don’t drink, don’t drink, don’t drink”, your unconscious minds hears “Drink… drink… drink.”

 

You may want to find out what you are really good at. You may have some ideas yourself, but you can also get objective feedback from people around you. Sometimes you may have taken on someone else’s idea of what you are good at. You may even have convinced yourself that you are good at something because your best friend or your father was good at that. So it’s important to be objective.

 

What do you enjoy or what would you enjoy given a chance? It’s important that you explore and discover what really excites you. So focus on achieving positive outcomes, not avoiding negative ones. At the same time, it’s important that you are honest with yourself about what you want more of in your life and what you want less of.

 

You may want to test different types of businesses or opportunities if you have not done so. Sometimes you may have some idealistic or romantic notions that may not stand the test of time. You may want to do a medical degree because you want to help others. You start on a medical course then discover that you cannot stand the idea of drawing blood.

 
One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organise your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

  

The rarest and most valuable form of action is ‘Deliberate Repetition’. This technique will help you get the most from the efforts you put into your life. One of the highest-leverage ways to use Deliberate Repetition is with your Personalised Success Ritual.

 

I recommend doing it first thing in the day. Why? Your morning sets your context for the day; it sets the ‘frame’ by which you judge everything else that happens during the day. If you set the context in the morning right, you’ll have a great day. If you have a great day, it’ll

set the context up for a great week, month, etc.

 

Your inner game — how you’re feeling about yourself — is the highest leverage in your life. Your morning ritual can really help you get into a great inner-game state.

 

When planning your ritual, think of what would make you strong physically, emotionally, and mentally. My morning ritual includes drinking water, exercising for twenty minutes, taking a bath, and having a healthy, energizing breakfast.

 

After I’ve done my morning ritual, I feel clear, I’m centered, and I’m ready for my day. I’m ready for anything that comes at me. I feel like nothing can really knock me off.

 

When I don’t do my morning ritual, I feel like I’m in reactive mode all day. I still get a lot done, but I’m not nearly as productive, and by the end of the day I can feel pretty worn out.

 

Find a first meal of the day that really works for you. Consider making it as organic and raw as possible. Include some protein as well. Write down the conditions that need to be in place for you to focus during the “First two hours of your day”, and ‘flow-chart’ the actual steps in your new ritual. Imagine how it’s going to go; see if you forgot any steps. Then go out there and do it. 

 

If you’re getting stuck on a particular step, fix it or remove it. Improve your ritual a little every

week. It’ll pay HUGE dividends.

 

Plan your morning ritual intentionally, step by step. Plan the ‘wind-up’ to your ritual — that’s the ten-fifteen minutes before you start your ritual. Plan the ritual itself, and be super specific. If you’re drinking water, how are you going to remind yourself, where are you going to get it, etc. Plan your exercise, your first meal, etc. Finally, plan the ‘wind down’ to your ritual: how you’ll come back into the stream of the rest of your day. Do your morning ritual every day for the next seven days.

 

If you have a way of monitoring your productivity, use it. Keep track of your productivity before and after the new habit forms. Often, as you notice the continued gains, this provides the motivation to continue making changes. 

 

Plan to do your most productive work in the first two hours of your work day. The rest of the day should have rituals focused on all the necessary follow-ups that are part and parcel of any business.

 

Whether we want to admit it, we are all creatures of habit. 99 percent of the things we’ll say, feel, and think today are the same things we said, felt, and thought yesterday.

 

It’s almost impossible to ‘remember’ to do something different when we need to remember it. The answer is to practice it and make it a routine… so when we need to do it, it’s automatic. This way we leverage our nature as creatures of habit, for our benefit.

 

If something is the most important thing, if it’s the thing that gets you the highest results, it makes sense to do it every day and make it a habit. To create a successful new routine, you need to plan it IN DETAIL. 

 

When you plan it out, you’ll see it’s a series of steps. You’ll soon find the most efficient sequence for you.

 

Change is always uncomfortable. If you understand that, you can make the process of learning a new habit more painless and comfortable. The most important rule for learning a new habit is that you must repeat it for twenty-one days. 

 

When you do so, you will initiate a process called neural canalization, literally forming new brain pathways. In addition, when you are learning a new habit, it is important to plan every step down to the last minute and rehearse it. This then provides your brain a template as how to do it. Make sure that you reserve your limited will power to initiate the whole process. (Why is

this last important? Remember that after age thirty-five you have only five minutes of will power daily, so use it sparingly, and for the right things such as jump-starting new habits and processes.) Thereafter, the sequence should kick in.

 

For years before Michael Phelps became the gold medalist at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, he followed the same routine at every race. He arrived two hours early. He warmed up according to a precise pattern that included an eight-hundred-meter mixer, a fifty-meter freestyle, kicking

six hundred meters with kickboard, pulling a buoy four hundred meters, and more. 

 Thereafter he would dry off, put in his earphones, and sit (not lie) on the massage table. He would not speak to his coach Bob Bowman until the race was over.

 

Phelps would put on his race suit at the forty-five-minute mark (i.e., forty-five minutes before the race). At the thirty-minute mark, he would get into the warm-up pool and swim six hundred to eight hundred meters. He would walk to the ready room at the ten-minute mark. He would sit alone with two empty seats next to him, one for his goggles on one side and one for his towel on the other.

 

When he was called for his race, he would walk to the blocks. There his precise routine was two stretches: first a straight-leg stretch and then a stretch with a bent knee. He would always start with his left leg followed by his right. Then the right ear bud would come out. When his name

was called, he would take out the left ear-bud. He would step on the block, always from the left side and dry the block. Then he would stand and move his arms in a precise, unique fashion.

 

As the same routine is practiced day in, day out, it takes over. Phelps was going through the same winning race over and over again. In other words, he was repeating what he had done numerous times in training and winning. The Olympics was no exception.

 

One lucky listener that posts a review on iTunes will win a private confidential consultation and coaching with me on discovering your soul’s purpose. I will lead you on a personal journey to discover your unique mind-body psychosomatic map of your life. You will get a detailed report and a personal 45 minute consultation with me that is worth thousands.

On this podcast I’m going to help you design a life that works. So you are able to say yes to the things that matter and eliminate everything else that slows you down. The more clear you can be about how to organize your daily life to support your bigger vision, the more you’ll step into your true potential, stay on track and accomplish all that you want and deserve. Are you ready to make that happen? 

Feel free to reach out to me to ask your questions at AskDrSun.com.   Your life is a gift. Design it. Do what matters and join me each week as we get closer to designing the life of your dreams.  I am Dr Sun. Join me next week on Your Life by Design.

William Blake, Auguries of Innocence             

As a poet, philosopher and mystic I remain fascinated by these words. As a physician, scientist and businessman the above lines spell "Danger".

    As humans we are meaning making machines. In the absence of relevant data we can make all kinds of connections. Like the sound of thunder is the thunder god throwing his hammer to walking pass a black cat brings you bad luck.
 
The three layers of your triune brain and meaning making:
 
 Instinctual/ Reptilian: This is the Seat of the Reticular Activating System (RAS). This part of your brain automatically makes meaning out of what happens. Most deep seated programs involving fundamental survival reside here, including programming about safety, security and money.

Limbic/Emotional: This is the part of your brain connects with your emotions. All your decisions are emotional in nature. Your emotions help you choose and make choices. It is also the seat of the amygdala. Your amygdala is part of your ‘emotional” brain that works to keep you safe. It restricts or reduces your choices so that you are "safe". Your beliefs run this area. At the best of times your beliefs limit your freedom of choice.

Neo-cortex /Thinking brain: The only part of the brain where you can make conscious choice.

Every day I meet clients who struggle with challenges in their lives because they fail to recognize the reality confronting them. Some of these processes were useful in a given context. Out of that context it became downright dangerous. These processes include;
 
1) Deletion: Your brain has to make sense out of thousands of stimuli per second. So after awhile it screens out the repeated back ground "details". There are also things you don't want to see or hear because they make you uncomfortable, so you screen that out as well.

As a result you don't pay attention to your loved one when they are struggling with a real problem and get shocked when they get a heart attack and drop dead.

You don't pay attention to how your client is presenting himself/herself and you miss vital clues that could help you close the sale. You kiss a thousand dollars goodbye.


2) Generalisation: You have always done it a certain way. So you conclude that is the only way.
Something happened enough times in your life with enough intensity to create a neural pathway in your brain. So you conclude that, "love hurts" because some people you were close to die or leave. You saw enough examples of unethical behaviour by rich people so you conclude "rich people are bad people"
 
You do not pay attention to the changes in the environment or people. You fail to recognise major changes in the environment that would invalidate that particular marketing or business approach. If you are "lucky" your business dips only 10% because you missed the trend.
 
If you are lucky, your wife only smiles at you sweetly (while she quietly curses) because you bought her a gift exactly like what her best friend is wearing. (You did not keep track). In the long term, these little things wear your business and your relationships down.

3) Distortion: This process is the basis for creativity. It creates great artist and poets who do creative things with their imagination like Picasso and his Cubist style of painting. On the other hand, it can also lead to major issues. One person's model of accuracy is another's model of obsessive compulsive attention to detail.


4) Projection: Whatever secret fears and anxieties you have, you deny having them. You ascribe it to the people around you. You are an anxious person but you cannot accept it. Your cab driver looks at you and asks you if everything is fine and you conclude your cab driver is anxious.
 
So all these processes deletion, distortion and generalization and to a lesser extent projection will determine what we allow into our world. In that sense they are filters. They end up forming our values, biases and beliefs.
 
On the other hand, based on those processes we will also design a future where all our biases, beliefs and values are validated. If that is so you cannot appreciably design a future that is very different from the past.

Based on these processes you design on an unconscious basis a story about yourself called the script. After a while this script is so much a part of you and so real to you that you will call it “Your Real Life Story”. The problem is that makes it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

All these stories, your automatic patterns of behaviour both good and bad, I will henceforth refer to as “default modes” or DMs. Why? Because when you do not think or reflect or you are in a state of arousal or depression you will revert to these default modes (DMs).